Funeral attendance etiquette

[Sadandlonelyoldfriend]

Bumped into someone who was a very good friend once apon a time this week that told me her husband had died recently. We was all very close years ago and since our friendship has fizzled out into just catching up two or three times a year So i still saw her dh.

I have expressed my grief at his passing, said I’m there for her but nothing has been said about how, when where he died. No mention of funeral. I can’t stop bursting into tears and would have liked to say goodbye but I am presuming if she wanted me to know, I’d know.

So, normally when people die and I’m welcome at the funeral, I’m made aware of the date. As I haven’t been, I’m possibly not close enough as a friend. Some people have close friends and family only or family.

Google your friends husbands name with ‘obituary’ on the end. Should come up with details that were published.

If she hasn’t told me, I’m not intended to know I don't think that's at all a valid conclusion. Usual process is - 1) tell everyone who needs to know about the death - relatives, current friends, not necessarily former friends 2) anyone who asks, tell them about the funeral arrangements.

There are sometimes cultural norms that make a difference. My husband - white English - died in April. I received a lot of messages from his work colleagues and friends asking if they could attend, if it wasn’t a private funeral. As a person of African descent, it’s slightly weird that people would think they weren’t welcome, we have a tendency to invite everyone to everything. To be fair to her though, she probably isn’t thinking about the ‘guest list’. I would send her a text, I know I was touched that so many people wanted to be there to say goodbye.