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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be really worried about this person’s psychopathic tendencies (trigger warni

84 replies

SpoilsburyToastGirl · 03/07/2018 22:49

Please be gentle. I know a young person aged 17 who I’m related to distantly via marriage, his mum told me today that he had deliberately killed a cat in a really violent way that I don’t really want to type as it’s so upsetting. It was a very personal way to do it though and they admitted it made them feel ‘excited.’ There was no obvious prelude that led to this, although they are under CAHMS for mental health issues.

I’m so upset, and their mum has no idea what to do. Do we report this to the police? What will happen to the young person? I have known this person since they were 2 and they have had a good upbringing and no abuse that I’m aware of. How the hell can we come back from this? I don’t want them near my small children or my cat and I’m so sad for that poor animal that died in such a horrific way.

OP posts:
Original poster
SpoilsburyToastGirl · 04/07/2018 10:53

He threatened to kill himself a few months ago which is why he is under CAHMS but has never had any other red flags or issues. I believed he was a lovely boy.

OP posts:
FissionChips · 04/07/2018 10:54

It sounds like he isn’t not sutible to be at the home of there is a child and animal there.
Would his mother be willing to tell his key worker she can’t have him there any longer? That she is scared for her younger child ans herself? They might actually kick into some type of a action then.

Tomatoesrock · 04/07/2018 10:55

Oh dear, please encourage his mother to log it with the police. The police will take his MH into consideration but it must be logged, even the 101 number available.

BarbarianMum · 04/07/2018 10:57

Right, given that she has a young child in the house and is frightened of him, she needs to call the police now and ask for him to be removed. Id like to say that this will lead to him receiving help - and it might - but he can't stay at home. Police can get social services involved. Luckily he's 17 which will help.

And for all you self righteous people astounded that his mum doesn't know what to do, i assume youve never tried getting help for someone whose dangerously mentally ill. Hmm

Original poster
SpoilsburyToastGirl · 04/07/2018 10:57

CAHMS are notifying the police I believe. Yes, I think she's scared, I know I am. I just don't understand why someone I previously believed to be a nice, normal if depressed person could do something so cruel? And can you ever come back from something like this? I don't know if that's possible.

OP posts:
IdLikeABiscuitPlease · 04/07/2018 10:58

If this was my son, I'd call the police.

I wouldn't trust him not to go on and attempt to kill a person.

Most killers start with animals.

SchrodingersCaterpillar · 04/07/2018 10:59

It must be reported to the police, early intervention and monitoring is in everyone’s best interest. The act itself and the lack of remorse is extremely disturbing. I would also be rehoming the cat ASAP.

Original poster
SpoilsburyToastGirl · 04/07/2018 10:59

Barbarian Mum, should I do it? I don't think mum feels she can ring the police, although she told CAHMS everything and said she was happy for them to pass it on.

OP posts:
Flyawaypeterflyawaypaul · 04/07/2018 11:00

Op it’s not a reflection on you.

The mother should take action however he is her responsibility. I know that I wouldn’t allow my child to get away with this and would take them to the police station myself.
I’m pleased to hear that camhs ha e contacted the police. It’s the least they can do. He is clearly a very dangerous young man and something needs to be put into place now.

Flyawaypeterflyawaypaul · 04/07/2018 11:01

If the mother doesn’t do it and camhs don’t do it then I think that you probably should, could you rest easy knowing he could do this again?

Oliversmumsarmy · 04/07/2018 11:02

What do you mean the other end of the country. The cat killer or a copy cat killer has struck in the north so whilst he might not be the Croydon cat killer if he gets mistaken for them then whilst he might not be a danger to others he is in danger himself.

Other people might not see anything other than he has killed an innocent creature.

When he has moved on to killing other animals he might not get away with it next time

nohopemate · 04/07/2018 11:03

Agencies do need to know. I read of a collaboration between police and RSPCA as people who are cruel to animals are far more likely to be violet to people too. I

CiderwithBuda · 04/07/2018 11:04

Maybe call MIND the mental health charity? They might be able to point you in the right direction.

Sounds horrendous.

daffodillament · 04/07/2018 11:07

Is he still at school ? Are school aware and have they offered any sort of support and advice ?

Barbaro · 04/07/2018 11:11

Killing animals doesn't make someone a psychopath. Not all killers are psychopaths, not all psychopaths are killers either. There are just some sick minded people in the world.

Psychopaths are ruthless, reckless, charming, lack empathy at all, sexual deviants and liars They are common in executive level business. But they don't all kill people or animals. Its more a personality disorder than a mental illness.

ReanimatedSGB · 04/07/2018 11:13

Unfortunately CAHMs are suffering from funding cuts and therefore unable to respond and offer help as quickly as it is needed in some cases.
Sympathies to you and your friend. Calling the police is probably the best idea, but I know it's a hard decision to make.

CatOwned · 04/07/2018 11:14

Surely a personality disorder is a mental illness?

FlyingElbows · 04/07/2018 11:16

I have read the whole thread. I'm still not going to pat you on the head and say "oh how terrible for you". Nobody on mn can help you. He has committed a crime, phone the police. You might find, sadly, that it's going to become a regular feature. You're not doing him or his mother any favours at all by brushing it under the carpet incase he gets punished. He deserves to punished and the public deserve to be safe. You have a responsibility to your local community as well as yourselves. Even those with mh issues are subject to the law.

BarbarianMum · 04/07/2018 11:17

A friend of mine tried (seriously tried) to strangle his cat many years ago. This was the first outward sign that the (prescription) drugs he was taking were having serious and unintended side affects - basically he was extremely paranoid and delusional. He was repatriated to the UK, put on a different drug regime and has been fine ever since (30 years). Married w 3 kids. V kind to animals.

So whether this young man can "come back from this" kind of depends what "this" is.

Original poster
SpoilsburyToastGirl · 04/07/2018 11:20

Who's brushing it under the carpet flying Elbows? Have I asked for a pat on the head. Oh do fuck off. I've been a member here for 8 years, this isn't my child but I'm asking for advice so I can help the mum follow the best course of action.

OP posts:
SofieMonde · 04/07/2018 11:22

Many killers/ serial killers start by killing or torturing animals before moving on...

Nearly put lol instead of 101 yes report to police asap

SofieMonde · 04/07/2018 11:23

Please don't let your next thread be 'he hurt someone or worse and I could have stopped it'

daffodillament · 04/07/2018 11:24

Op, just ring the 101 line FFS and see what they advise! No point getting arsey with other posters. Your post is really distressing.

CharBar39 · 04/07/2018 11:24

Yes you should be worried and yes you need to contact somebody! I would all the police if the mental health team are not helping. Is there emergency mental health team in your area? Perhaps at the hospital. This child needs help before they hurt themselves or someone else!!

Oliversmumsarmy · 04/07/2018 11:25

Killing animals doesn't make someone a psychopath

But it could be the first sign of becoming A serial killer.

Presumably the cat was the family cat.
And his mother didn't see what he was doing until too late.
What do you think someone else would do to him if they saw him doing that to there cat.