To ask how to get this bloody child to sleep for longer??!!

[ColdFeetWarmHeart]

Or how I cope with sleep deprivation?!!!

I'm at my wits end. DD2 does not sleep through the night. A good night is being woken 3 times. A bad night is waking every 60-90 minutes.

She went to sleep just after 7 tonight. Already woken 3 times since. Had to feed her (she's still on breast) - attempted rocking but she started getting in a state, and if she gets too in a tizz it will take me hours to settle her to the point I can't even give her to DH for 5 mins so I can pee!!

I'm seriously so tired. I want to scream my head off and sob my eyes out I'm so tired. My marriage is greatly strained at the moment, and I'm extremely irritable with no patience.

DD2 won't take a dummy and she won't drink milk from a bottle. During the day she falls asleep feeding, in the car or in the pram. It's very rare she falls asleep on her own.

Does anyone have any suggestions? I'm not expecting miracles like her suddenly sleeping for 10 hrs straight, but 4hrs at a time would be heaven right now!!

Around 7-8 months we did our own version of sleep training where we switched the routine so I gave a big milk feed then passed baby to his dad. Dad did teeth, book, cuddle (with a special star light on) then settled him. Dad went to him everyone at night for about 10 days. I passed a slippy cup of water through the door if needed but I stayed hidden. Our baby started sleeping through after this and because he was never left I didn't feel he'd suffered too much, unlike my poor OH who endured lots and lots of tears.

He's great now, does bedtime better for daddy than for me, crawls over onto daddys lap for cuddles as soon as he sees the light come on, and if he wakes and really needs me I go to him for a snoozy boob but it happens so rarely it's not a habit.

You have to have an OH on board who is willing to take the brunt of the pain but after bf for 9 months overnight it really is his turn (assuming you have a partner who lives there, apologies if not)

Good luck with it whatever you do

Hi OP I could have written this. Word for word. Mine is 7 months. Average wake ups 7X a night, ending up co-sleeping and waking each other up, would only feed to sleep. Sleeping so much in the night she would barely eat in the day. We did loads of work on self settling for daytime naps (leaving her to cry for a couple min at a time before going in for a cuddle) til she got it and we followed the online 'little ones' nap routine so she was getting a good 2 hour afternoon nap (and I knew she could link her sleep cycles) but still no change to night sleep!

However...we paid for a sleep consultant on Monday. She gave us a detailed sleep plan...which is basically a padded out version of the disappearing chair method (the HV had told us to use this but there was no detail around it and I wasn't confident enough to impliment it). We are 2 nights in. There has been a lot of crying (50 min of screaming before each sleep / nap so far) however we are right by her side so I don't feel it's as bad as leaving them alone to cry it out - we can pat / speak to her when it gets to much. First night woke 4 - 5x and needed feeding once. Second night slept on her own in her cot without feeding for 10 hours!!! I am still not sure if it's a fluke or things are finally improving. Just wanted to share our experience in case it helps! She recommended that my husband sit with her the first 3 nights to really break the feed / sleep association - not sure how easy I would have found it by myself. Good luck!!

Disappearing chair is great - it's in Andrea Grace if anyone's interested.
FWIW I'm not suggesting feeding to sleep is awful, I have mates who did it and had no issues. Similarly I know loads of babies who had dummies till they were 2 and fine. Just some babies need the prop and will react badly if they wake without it.

It's not necessary to do CC if you don't want to - sleep training can be gentle. Equally I have mates who did it and their babies slept brilliantly and are now great kids, it's not the end of the world.

Whatever works for you. I have been there tho, albeit with a different problem, and it's so hard, and you haven't the energy to think straight.

Thank you everyone for your replies and suggestions. It's so nice to actually get some ideas from people! All I get in RL is my mum saying "I don't know what to suggest", my MIL saying "I never had a problem with mine sleeping" and many others just saying things like "oh I don't miss those days / you should sleep when the baby sleeps

Just a quick one from me. I'll reply more fully to people layer when I have more time.

I'm definitely going to try 234. Going to push DD2 round the garden in a minute (what I normally do to get her to sleep during the day without feeding her). Going to focus on getting her routine sorted for now. Will prioritise that and get to housework etc when I get to it.

Someone mentioned something about reflux up thread. I cannot believe I didn't think of this before!! I have reflux issues, and DD1 had bad reflux (though by this age she would vomit in a big way unless her stomach was lined with porridge before having milk)!! DD2 wakes instantly if I lay her down flat during the day, I don't know why I didn't think of it before!! When she was younger she slept in a little nest inside cot to keep her propped up. But then she got a bit too wiggly. Started laying her down flat when she moved into her own room at 6 months and she was fine so I thought nothing more of it!!
But last night I'm sure she brought acid up. I could smell vomit but there wasn't any down her etc. After midnight she kept waking up every time I laid her back down. She thrashed about a little last night too so I'm sure she was at least in discomfort if not pain. Left her in with me from 1am, on my arm do she was propped up. She didn't sleep too bad after that.

Thanks everyone again!! I'll come back and answer you all again later
Off to push DD2 around the garden (hope the hedge trimmer next door doesn't keep her awake. If so, we're walking to the shops!!)

Does she sleep in her own room? That made a big difference for us. Is she reverse cycling - feeding at night to make up for feeding less in the day? The hot weathe maybe isn't helping... I think this is a really hard age as there's so much going on for them developmentally - starting to crawl, etc. I remember sleep being bad and improving a lot by 12 months.

Does your partner ever settle her in the night? If I'd fed, then she woke up shortly after, at this age her dad would then go in as we were confident it wasn't hunger/thirst. At least I could then have a bit more time between wakings. This helped with marital strain (which had been massive) as I finally felt I was getting some support!

Hope you can get some rest soon - sleep deprivation is so hard!

I had to stop night breast feeds before mine slept through

mamma - she always falls asleep on the breast at bedtime. We don't have a very long bedtime routine at the moment as she can't stay awake that long. As soon as pj's are on she starts crying for a feed, feeds for about 5 minutes and passes out. I try to put her in her cot, in her room, when she's fully asleep. Otherwise she just wakes the second I lay her down.

linky - I think the sleep training will be done by me. I can't see OH managing it he tried settling her earlier tonight and she ended up in hysterics.

northernruth - "haven't the energy to think straight" - exactly this!! I really struggle to get out of bed every day, and some days I can't manage to form sentences.

TheSkyAtNight - no OH doesn't settle her in the night. If he's asleep he doesn't wake up when she cries. If she wakes earlier in the evening and he goes to her she just gets hysterical. Though to be fair, he's only ever tried probably a handful of times.
Marital strain is at an all time high at the moment (though that is a whole other thread!!). That might improve if he were to help with setting kids etc, well doing more with them full stop, but I can't see that happening. Not 9ff his own back. And I don't have the energy or the cognitive function to argue with him or try to sort out my marriage right now.

Baby and I go to bed in the afternoon and cosleep for a couple of hours nap. He doesn't take long naps unless he's being held, but if we're in bed together he will feed to sleep and it's possible to get 2hrs of shut eye in the afternoon.

It also sounds like she’s overtired by bedtime. Took me ages to realise I should be starting earlier! Echo others above to do firm bedtime routine that ends with book. What worked for us is me doing it for a week and then DH taking over. He dealt with night wakeups until weaned (took a week) - I think it’s less stressful since he doesn’t smell of milk. Good luck op!!

Echo pp at 9 months this is sadly normal. Dd3 was like this but we did some very gentle sleep training at 13 months ( encouraging her to fall asleep alone, not being rocked, at bedtime) and she started sleeping through most of the time. I know it's hard but it won't last forever. I think the key is being able to self settle. Some kids are better than others ( dd1 and 2 just did it easily ) and some need encouragement or a little training but imo 9 months is too young to start.

Sorry no advice but just to let you know you are not alone!
newmumfun.com/2018/05/19/no-he-still-doesnt-sleep-through-the-night/

Love it Jo!!

The last few nights have been a bit better. I'm not sure if that's due to it being a bit cooler or something else. I've been trying 234 but it hasn't been going very well. She's not really ready to sleep at those points so I end up walking for ages to get her to sleep. And that led to her not settling well a few evenings.....

We were in the car 2 hrs after wake up yesterday. She didn't fall asleep. She was cooing away in the back. Quickly fell asleep in car 4hrs after wake up though. Slept for 1hr and that was her only sleep all day!!

Today she fell asleep at 11.30 (4hrs after wake up) and slept for one hour. Will see what happens.

I'm coping a little better anyway. I can handle getting woke up every 2-3 hrs. I can't handle waking up every hour!!

Personally I think some babies manage to hide a stash of sugar and caffeine to help them keep going!! She must have some full fat Pepsi hidden amongst the teddies

I agree she's probably over tired. if she won't sleep in the day, try bringing bed time forward. if DD missed naps (and when she first drop dher nap) we put her to bed at around 6:00 or 6:30. A friend's child was in bed at 5:30 most days... it can be a good way round the issue of not sleeping during the day.

Also, 9 month sleep regression really is a thing. So you're right in the middle of that too.

Hope things improve. A non-sleeper is a nightmare.