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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What could I have said to keep safe?

47 replies

hellokittymania · 03/07/2018 21:02

Hi, I just had a bit of a scary encounter coming back from Hampstead Heath. I am visually impaired, and I look very young. Anyway, a lady came over when I was alone and asked me if I had seen any boys, they had just robbed her. She said they took her oyster card and everything else, and kept going on about how they had taken her money. I was on my own, and I just said I would help her, but we needed to walk to the train station. we were walking, and anyway she kept going on and on about they had taken her electricity key or something. I was very suspicious, so I was trying to think of what to do. Anyway, at one point she said she had asthma, could I pay for her taxi. I said let’s get to the station. She then called somebody on her phone, even though I doubt she called anyone. And she was asking them if it was cheaper to buy a ticket then buy a new oyster I kept saying to her let’s go to the station and talk to somebody. Anyway, when we reach the station, of course she found her oyster card and was telling me it had nothing on it. I insisted we found a member of staff, and the member of staff said she had 10 pound 50 on her oyster card. She then asked me if I could buy her a drink, give her money for her electricity. Both of which I said no. So she left.

sometimes, it’s very difficult to see when people are genuine or not. I have to guess, and today, since I was on my own, and nobody was around, I didn’t know what to do. I could have gone back to the café that I had just left, and I did think about it, but I didn’t know how I could have asked for help discreetly. I also didn’t know if she was genuine or not, so I didn’t know what to do

Is there a way I can handle this if it ever happens again? By the way, I am OK, she didn’t take anything of mine. I really really was very careful not to open my bag, take out my phone. Anything like that.

OP posts:
TheBigFatMermaid · 03/07/2018 22:02

I think you did exactly the right thing. The staff at the station could check her oyster card, where the cafe would not have been able to. They might have scared her off for a bit, but eventually you would have had to go to the station and she may have been laying in wait for you.

You sound like a strong person, well done for getting out of this situation safely.

hellokittymania · 03/07/2018 22:03

Jenda When I am totally on my own with somebody, I am often unsure of what to do, because I think, if they have a weapon, a knife, anything. What will I do? I won’t be able to see it

So I try and be polite until I can find somebody to help.

OP posts:
UpstartCrow · 03/07/2018 22:06

Can you get a cheap PAYG phone to carry in your pocket?

MoonFacesMum · 03/07/2018 22:10

I think you sound amazing OP. I’m sorry there are people out there who would target you, you sound really sensible and poised.

NorthernJugni · 03/07/2018 22:10

Sounds like you handled it very well. Sorry it happened but you were sensible, refused to be bullied into giving money, headed for a public place and approached staff. All the right things.

hellokittymania · 03/07/2018 22:16

Upstart, yes I can do that.

OP posts:
Twombly · 03/07/2018 22:30

I also think you listened to your instincts and handled it well, and previous posters have given you lots of good advice for the future as well.

I would just add too, that if I was in trouble after a mugging or having lost my bag or wallet etc, a person who is obviously partially sighted would probably be the last person I would approach for help. For purely practical reasons, I would approach someone who might have seen what had happened or be able to help me find a phone or a police station or a taxi or whatever, and also I would be awake to the fact that approaching you might make you nervous. So I would say that almost by definition anyone asking you to help them is likely to be targeting you. As someone upthread said, you don't have to be polite, in fact scam artists rely heavily on social compliance. So I don't think you should feel bad about just saying sorry, I can't help, if it ever happens again.

hellokittymania · 03/07/2018 22:34

Twombly thank you, that makes sense. I never even thought about that. She just asked me if I had seen or come across any boys. I said no.

OP posts:
WineIsMyMainVice · 03/07/2018 22:38

I think you sound very sensible and very aware. Well done.
She doesn’t sound very genuine to me. The fact that she suddenly found her card, and then went from having no money on it to suddenly having more than £10 sounds very dodgy to me.
Could you possibly carry a personal alarm? But it sounds like yo did exactly the right things.

NotAnotherNoughtiesTune · 03/07/2018 22:43

I'm VI too and in this scenario it's not about sight it's about following your instinct.

You did the right thing.

Amanduh · 03/07/2018 22:45

You handled it brillliantly.

TheMagnoliaTree · 03/07/2018 22:46

My husband was approached in Sainsbury's car park by a lone woman (he has a kind face Smile) and she said she had lost her travel card. He shut her down instantly saying I do not have any money on me. She said how rude and stomped off, only to be seen harassing some poor person who had just parked in a disabled bay.

Dh went inside to notify security who were hot on her heels.

OP - I think you did really well. If she was genuine she would have approached someone else, not burdened you with her mugging. She would have headed into a business.

Rebecca36 · 03/07/2018 22:47

You did very well indeed!

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 03/07/2018 22:54

Yes, you did. That must have been terrifying Flowers

Waddlelikeapenguin · 03/07/2018 22:55

Flowers it sounds very upsetting but I think you did everything right - we have instincts for a reason & you did a brave thing and trusted them.
(the gift of fear by Becker is worth a read)

ReanimatedSGB · 03/07/2018 22:59

You did all the right things, well done. It's also perfectly reasonable to say (especially nowadays when most people pay for everything with contactless cards) that you don't carry any cash, and you will walk with them to the station/police station/nearest place where they might be able to get help.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 03/07/2018 23:07

I think you handled it fine. Personally I normally just say "What? No." and walk off. If you say it brusquely enough they don't waste their time further, just move on to the next person.

Bramble71 · 03/07/2018 23:13

I think you handled the situation very well, OP, but I think it would be wise to view any similar future instances with caution. Unfortunately, some people see any kind of impairment

Bramble71 · 03/07/2018 23:16

Pressed post too early!
... as a weakness and might take it as an opportunity. A firm no and, if they continue to press you, then making a loud fuss might help to make sure you're left alone.

It's sad to view everyone as a possible threat when they're not, but your safety must come first.

paintitaquamarine · 03/07/2018 23:19

Oh dear, I’m sorry you’re shaken up. Unfortunately this happens all the time in London. The best thing is kid to say “no, sorry” straight away and keep walking. People almost never follow, they just want someone to engage so they can reel them in with more details. I don’t think most people like this turn violent or threatening, but it’s best to just walk away as soon as possible imo.

AnathemaPulsifer · 03/07/2018 23:23

I think Twombly is exactly right. You handled it very well though - bravo.

newtlover · 03/07/2018 23:29

I agree you handled it well
on a related note, I often have to pass loads of people begging on my way to work. Then one day there were posters up saying x% of beggars were not in fact homeless (and actually all the homeless charities say not to give to beggars anyway). Suddenly there were far fewer people begging. I find that just saying 'No, sorry" and not even breaking my stride works well.

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