I know I’m BU but I’m sad

[UnlawfulBananaPeeler]

potentially triggering r/e miscarriage

My best friend just announced shes pregnant, it seems unplanned and she has expressed how much she never wanted a child.

I lost a baby last year due to miscarriage and while I’m ecstatic for her I’m also sad and I think jelous? Maybe. I feel sick and shaky and very upset as well as happy and excited .

Is this normal? Am I horrible ?

You are not horrible at all. You cant help how you feel. I've been there too. And its very normal for some.

All those emotions are completely understandable.

I feel horrible for being even a tiny bit jelous. We’ve been friends for 10+ years and we’ve always joked about having babies together.
I have got dc, but it’s like her having one is just making the gaping hole of my missing one more obvious. I think maybe is because we are so close ,nobody I know that’s been that close to me has had a baby since.

You're human OP. It seems your friend's pregnancy has triggered all these feelings for you and it would be understandable for you to struggle with this. Does she know about your miscarriage?

She does but ive never been able to talk about it, I told her I was pregnant and then I told her when I miscarried but have never spoke about it since then because I just can’t. I feel like it’s not even occurred to her when telling me because we just talk about everything

Sorry for your loss . I missed baby showers within the first year of my mc because I just couldn’t see pregnancy without getting upset. It doesn’t take away from the happiness you feel for your friend, it just triggers all of the feelings of loss that you’re already feeling.
Some people don’t know if they should talk about it, let them know. I needed to talk about it at the beginning (although I only saw a very few people) but I found a lot of people were scared to for fear of making things worse. When you talk about your normal daily things, if you need to, tell her you’re struggling. It does get easier.

You’re normal. It’s ok to be sad. I’m really sorry for your loss

You are not horrible. Your miscarriage was a loss of all of those hopes and dreams and seeing her pregnant is a stark reminder of it.

Like teaandbiscuits i avoided things too. My counsellor called it a coping mechanism that i hadn't even comprehended. Like you, i berated and self loathed but you need to give yourself a break. You are allowed to feel how you feel, to grieve and feel sad when you remember the things you are missing.

And I am sorry for your loss

Do you havd people to support you? Who you can talk too?

You're not horrible at all, you're human. I've had a mc, a tfmr and a chemical, and although I am happy for friends who fall pregnant, it's always very bittersweet as it's a reminder of what I don't have, what I almost had.
I'm so sorry for your loss, it does get easier, although it's always there it just gets easier to manage.

WhiteWalkerWife I have the number for counselling. But I don’t really talk about it, I just can’t . It feels completely seperate from me but also too raw if you know what I mean. I’m still pretty traumatised by it I guess.

Thankyou all for your support

To feel what you feel is completely natural. I remember when I went to a party at my best friend's house and there was a pregnant woman there, more of an acquaintance to me. She was so joyous with her as she started talking about her pregnancy and then suddenly had a turn from nowhere and had to leave. Ended up hiding in the bathroom and sobbing my heart out. My best friend found me there after a while and we just sat there hugging. Do not shame yourself over these feeling my lovely. You're human. You're grieving a huge loss and to be presented with this lovely thing that reminds you about what you lost is just so heartbreaking. Be kind to yourself.

Miscarriage was the single most traumatic thing I've gone through emotionally and physically. Don't underestimate the impact on you. Please go and see someone. It got me about 5 months after the fact and I felt spiralling. Once I could talk about it, the sheer relief of being heard just released so much grief and was able to move on to a better place.

Sending you lots of good and warm thoughts.

UnlawfulBananaPeeler use it if and when you are ready. I understand what you mean, sometimes you just have to shut down on it to stop it overwhelming you.

Sending you a big hug.
It’s okay to be sad but I do think you need to talk to her and maybe a councillor because as her pregnancy becomes more noticible and she’s sharing details with you it can become harder for you.
We were trying for years and years, eventually we underwent IVF and that has worked for us but during those tough years, it seemed as though everyone I was in the vicinity of were becoming pregnant at the drop of a hat. There were a few of my friends having babies at the same time and I just couldn’t bring myself to meet up with them or converse with them because it just felt to hard although like you say, you have mixed emotions. I was so happy for them but I was also jealous, hurting and very much “why not us”.
I really hope you are able to talk about it with someone because it does help. Sometimes just hearing someone say out loud “it’s perfectly okay to feel like that” is good.

Sorry, I meant our vicinity

I know my best friend felt like this when I fell pregnant with twins. She hasn’t a nasty bone in her body but she couldn’t help how she felt. She put on a brave face for my benefit but I knew.

I had a miscarriage at the same time a friend of my exh announced his gf had fallen pregnant by accident. They'd been together 3 months. They got married a few weeks later and I hated that I felt so bitter about it all. As it turns out, they're still together 18 years later, whereas my exh and I have been divorced for 15 years after having been together for 10 years at the time it all happened. Thankfully I fell pg again a few months after my miscarriage, but at the time I really resented the fact that others were falling pregnant so easily.

I’m glad it’s not just me . I felt absolutely awful for feeling anything other than happiness for her.
I know that I will try for another baby just not yet as I’m not ready. so I think I can just take that as a comfort throughout her pregnancy.

I do have children as well so I feel even more silly feeling like this about it. But it’s so hard to know that there should have been another. It’s like her pregnancy highlights my loss more.
I think as it becomes less of a shock that she’s pregnant (it’s literally the last thing I expected her to announce, and it was very out of the blue) I’ll start to feel better about it. I hope anyway.

I’ve just been out for lunch with her and it’s not as hard as I thought it was . I just feel an overwhelming sadness but I’m also excited for her