To be overcautious when 13yo meets online friends

[maartjebaabes]

My DN aged 13 is a complete phone addict – always texting snapchatting etc.

Has made an OnLineFriend who lives in [Fulchester] c150 miles away and they want to meet. DN is relatively immature and naïve as 13yos go it’s worth saying, not streetwise.

Here’s where I come in; DSis has limited mobility and I often act as driver.

DN asked me if I’d drive there and I’ve suggested a day when I am travelling to the general Fulchester area.

However I’ve insisted on a few conditions. There are I suppose two questions, firstly AIBU to impose my own conditions – but that’s not in dispute.

My conditions include:
• DSis to speak to OLF’s family on phone, and check them out on facebook, beforehand

• DN to add me to ‘find my friends’ on our phones so that I know exactly where DN is at any time. Only for that day we’ll remove each other on her return.

• DN to meet OLF at OLF’s house.with me being there to meet OLF's DPs

The first is done, although it’s clearly very embarrassing for 13yos for their DPs’ existence to be recognised.

DN though is kicking a bit of a stink up about adding ‘find my friends’ which is ‘creepy’ and ‘stalky’,

And about meeting at OLF’s house, DN “On line friends meet in the park NEVER at their house”.

So AIBU to insist on these? And what else would you do?

Don't meet at OLF's house - that might be weird for them (if all above board) or dangerous (if all is not as it seems). Don't meet in a park either! Better to choose a busy public place, such as a shopping centre or cafe/McDonald's.

Oh God, I do people do this? My DC have always been taught (at home and at school) never to meet people they only know online.

And make sure DN lets OLF know that you'll be there too. If OLF has nefarious intentions, s/he may rapidly lose interest in meeting up.

Do you know that OLF is really a child , ie when they facetime is the screen there for you to see? or does it get shut down? or is it a purely written relationship?

If you know it really is another child, then the whole meeting the parents thing is OTT - put it in perspective - do you vet the other 299 sets of parents, step parents, guardians, carers in your childs school year? no.

I agree with McDonalds.
I broadly agree with the stalkers app if it gives you peace of mind

NYNM18 - thanks for your comments. no I don't know OLF is a real child for sure, although as DSis has spoken to OLF's parents, it would need to be a pretty impressive facebook and phone double effort. But I'm sure that a resourceful paedophile could do this.

I have nothing whatsoever to suggest that OLF is anything other than another 13yo kid.

Meeting the parents myself is really only for some equality - otherwise I would be there when DN and OLF meet and in those cirucmstances I'd think OLF DPs would want to check me out. And DN.

constantinoplegardener, gardengeek

THanks a lot for your constructive help. Gardening clearly makes you thoughtful

YANBU

when I was 16 I met up with three online friends, it was absolutely fine, we all were the mid-teens aged girls we expected, we used to go to each other’s houses around the country for occasional weekends. But I would still strongly advise against anyone doing that!

Online is different to friends from school or activities. You know that all the kids he’s in school with are definitely kids for a start! And if there was bullying or something you can go to the school and reasonably expect them to intervene. At group activities again you know they’re children and there are appropriate adults to intervene if necessary.

Hell would freeze over before that was allowed in my house.

DS (13) can only link up with people via his phone or PlayStation with other kids that he actually knows in real life - school or football club. He doesn't talk to strangers online.

Am I the only person in MN that is stood shaking my head in horror?

That old MN comment springs to mind 'Are you on crack?'

A child of 13 should not be making friends with people online

I wouldn’t be facilitating this friendship at all in anyway and teach them something about online safety

No amount of monitoring will make it safe. Friends and people you know only

Not unreasonable at all.
The find my friends would be a definite for me, to make sure I knew where they were that day.
Also, I’d suggest a public meet up in town rather than go to their parents house. So they drop their child off, you drop DN off at a public central place and all meet there.

Hi to those who care, they met yesterday in a cafe, OLF definitely a girl, I met OLF's mum briefly, DN now home safely and the two girls are now BFFs. THanks all who took the time to comment

My daughter has met good friends this way. It’s very stressful as a parent as you hear such terrible stories but this is how people are getting to know each other these days. I totally agree with being cautious and insisting on parental contact at that age but one of my kids best friends is someone she met through Instagram.