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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want my mum called a doubler?

99 replies

DollyPartonsBeard · 03/07/2018 12:37

Popped into care home this morning on my way to work to drop off a new sunhat for my mum. She's 89 and has been in residential care for nearly two years as she has dementia. She's also had several strokes and her mobility and balance are impaired and she needs two people to help her use the loo and bath and get dressed etc.

Usually visit later in the day but went in early as I noticed last night her straw hat is falling apart so took one of mine in so she can sit out for a bit today.

Arrived about 8.30 and mum was up and in front of breakfast tv. She's never been an early riser and has her radio alarm to come on to R4 in the morning and then a gentle start to the day or so I thought. We discussed these things when she moved in (the dementia has deteriorated since then but she can still express her needs) and I like the fact this home seemed to tailor care to individual's existing routines and likes.

Told a staff member I was surprised to see mum up so early and they said it was new rules and the manager said all the doublers had to be up before the night staff went off duty. When I asked what a doubler was she said it's people who need two staff to assist them. I reminded her that my mum is Mrs Ginger/ 'Mary' not a doubler.

AIBU to hope my poor old mum doesn't deserve to be described by a term which refers to her limitations, rather than by her name??

OP posts:

Thehop · 03/07/2018 12:40

I’d be more worried that her routine was t respected. Can you talk to anyone?

TheHulksPurplePanties · 03/07/2018 12:40

YABU. He wasn't referring to her specifically though, he was referring to everyone who requires 2 staff to assist them. If she'd called your mother "doubler #5" then you might have a point...

Faster · 03/07/2018 12:40

That’s terrible.
She is her name, however she prefers to be referred to.
And I would have a serious issue with the staff getting people up and out of bed purely at a time which was convenient for them and not what the person themselves would want.
I would be having a very direct conversation with the manager about that. As that is not person centred care, far far from it.

TheBigFatMermaid · 03/07/2018 12:47

Much as I hate de-personalisation, they were explaining why she had been got up early.

I am pretty sure they would normally address her by her name. They just used a very common shorthand.

I would really kick off at the home caring for her to suit a routine of their making, rather than to suit her routine though, that really is not on!

Eeeeek2 · 03/07/2018 12:48

But she is being reduced to her condition, because there is arbitrary decision that does not respect her personal preference dictating when she gets up. Obviously because of her care need she can't choose exactly when she gets up but it should be at a more considerate time according to her preference.

friendlyflicka · 03/07/2018 12:50

My mother was in a home suffering from dementia for 7 years. She died this spring.

While there are many things I did complain about and many more complaints I bit back, I really wouldn't be worried about that.

Care staff are badly paid and not well treated. I was amazed by how devoted and professional most of them were. Sometimes being sensitive with relative's feelings is not their first priority - but I don't even think this was particularly tactless.

user1andonly · 03/07/2018 12:53

I wouldn't be happy about that.

A long time ago, as a newly qualified nurse, I worked in a residential home that had a similar rule in place. I felt this was quite cruel and raised my concerns with the manager but it wasn't changed. I would have hoped things had moved on by now with the emphasis on person centered care and I'm sorry this is happening to your mum. I would definitely be speaking to the manager.

If someone has always been an early riser and is awake at this time then fine - my dh, for example, would be delighted to get up at 6am as long as he could then be tucked up in bed at 9pm - but you know your mum would rather have a bit of a lie in and why shouldn't she.

Wolfiefan · 03/07/2018 12:54

They didn't use the term instead of her name. They used it to explain why some of the residents (and not others) have to be got up early.
I wouldn't challenge the term. But you may like to ask about the new rules. Does your mother seem bothered by the change? TBH if it's driven by staff numbers then I don't know what you can do.

UpstartCrow · 03/07/2018 12:56

I would not be happy with the culture in that care home

Drchinnery · 03/07/2018 12:57

In care we would refer to clients as double ups between each other but would say 'Bill needs a double up' so we knew they needed 2 carers, she probably didn't mean anything by it but should have put it in a better way to explain why she was up so early and not referred to her as one!

Dieu · 03/07/2018 12:57

YABU.
In a demanding and time-pressured job, this is a quick way to express what is meant. It would seem ridiculous to refer to each and every one by name, all of the time.
So if a group of children are in, say, the Sunshine group at school, should they be referred to by name individually, rather than the group they're in? No, because the teacher wouldn't have time.
I am sorry about your mum though. Dementia is so very sad

ChelleDawg2020 · 03/07/2018 13:00

I think you are being a little unreasonable. Care homes are short staffed, so they were making adjustments to ensure that your mother got the care she needed.

"Doubler" is a clumsy term that I've not come across before, but I don't think it is offensive.

trueblueari · 03/07/2018 13:01

It was used as an explanation, not as a replacement for her name.
YABU about that, but I think you should challenge the new rules as that sounds unfair if she's not an early riser.

ExConstance · 03/07/2018 13:02

CQC are not happy with care homes that require people to get up at specific times. Residents should be assisted to get up at a time of their choice. Care homes are required to have enough staff to meet the needs of the residents, so they could not rely on this as an excuse. The staff need to show respect and "doubler" is not a very nice term, she should have simply said "the residents who need two care assistants" in a way it defines your mother by that characteristic rather than as an individual, which is not good.

BarbarianMum · 03/07/2018 13:02

BarbarianMum · 03/07/2018 13:04

The CQC recommend lots of things that no one is prepared to pay for

Fresta · 03/07/2018 13:04

YABU. Unless they are calling her doubler to her face then what's the problem? It's just the same as referring to patients as disabled, women, men, over 90's, obese, tube-fed or any other category they may fall into within the care home.

daffodillament · 03/07/2018 13:04

Like someone else has said, I would be more concerned about the new rules. Surely if your mum prefers to take her time in the mornings they should respect that and not rush them up just to make it easier for the next shift. I do appreciate what a grand job these carers do for very little pay though. It's a disgrace. Same for teachers and nurses etc..

KurriKurri · 03/07/2018 13:07

I would object too as you say 'doubler' reduces her to her condition, it is dehumanising and disrespectful.

Also saying 'all the 'doublers' have to be up ....' is classing her in a group of people who need two staff members, it ignores thier individual needs, they may all have very different needs which their routine should respect.

It is hardly being demanding to ask that your DM be referred to by her name when they are speaking about her. 'Mary needs two carers to help her get up in the morning' is not exactly taxing to say.

gamerchick · 03/07/2018 13:07

It may not be about making their jobs easier, it may be about making them possible

This ^^ maybe you should go in and help OP so your mother gets the care you want for hers and yours own personal tastes. Or put her somewhere more expensive with a more personalised approach.

Personally if she's otherwise happy there I would leave well alone.

SmashedMug · 03/07/2018 13:11

I find elderly care is one of those things everyone seems to be in mass denial about. Of course they will be getting people up earlier than they like. They'll serve them food when they don't feel hungry. They'll put them to bed before they are tired. It's like a conveyor belt on a factory line because they are so understaffed. You'll go in and say something, they'll nod along, but the care staff can't hire more colleagues and the managers won't so nothing will change. People come on here and say "oh such and such in my family's care home isn't like this". Nah, they just hide it better and we all play along with the facade.

It's very sad that the care industry is so rubbish :(

vivasunshine · 03/07/2018 13:13

YANBU I would be fuming!

Your mum or Mary, Mrs Ginger would of been nice. A "doubler" is so disrespectful.

hellosummer12 · 03/07/2018 13:13

I wouldn't be happy with this because (a) your reason and (b) the care home should be respecting her need to lie in and get up when she wants to.

She doesn't have a job or school to go to, and sitting in front of TV is hardly edifying. She should be allowed to wake naturally.

(My MIL is in a care home. Occasionally she doesn't want to go to bed so they let her stay up all night.)

AnnieAnoniMoose · 03/07/2018 13:14

YABU

They were explaing why she was up, she is part of a group of patients that require additional care, collectively called ‘doublers’. No different than referring to ‘admin’, year 7’s, doctors etc.

If that’s when they have enough staff available to allocate two carers to your Mum then that’s when she will need to get up. There simply isn’t enough money to have double staff on all day so that people can get up or bathe when they want to. It’s a shame, but it’s a fact.

Lymphy · 03/07/2018 13:16

I thought the practice of getting everybody up with night staff was done with! Im a nurse and back when i worked on the wards (years ago) it was classed as poor practice (unless a person requests to get up early) and i agree there is a better way of phrasing it as oppose to a doubler, i wouldnt be happy if that were my mum, ask to see the relevent policy for the rule changes so you can establish their rationalle for doing so as I suspect they may not be able to provide said rationalle!

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