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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to say something to disabled neighbour RE his CF gardener

63 replies

Paie · 03/07/2018 10:54

Moved about 6 months ago, only neighbour is a lovely old chap who's wheelchair bound. He has a gardener who comes weekly Tuesday mornings to keep his garden looking nice.

I've been off work sick recently and have noticed how lazy his gardener is. He parks at the back of the house and will pop off to the shops for a sandwich or sit in his car round the back reading a newspaper for the best part of an hour.
He's usually here between 9.30 and 11.30 so I'd assume he's being paid for 2 hours work a week.

WIBU to somehow mention this to neighbour? I think he's being taken advantage of massively unless he's only paying his gardener for 1 hour and he just chooses to stay for 2 out of goodwill/ wanting loads of breaks. He's had this gardener for years I think.

OP posts:
Original poster
Paie · 03/07/2018 11:38

His garden isn't huge at all! There's really not a lot to do with regards to weekly maintence so I don't know how the gardener could justify it.. if he was spending time in the house with the neighbour that would make sense, but it's the fact he parks on the grass verge behind his/my gardens that makes me think he's deliberately avoiding being spotted.
Neighbours bed and chairs face away from the back windows so he wouldn't be able to see from indoors.

If it was a break between jobs that'd also make sense...but he'll run the lawn mower round then pop to shops...then come back and snip a few bushes back...then sit in his car reading a paper for ages before going round with a watering can...

Why be a gardener if you can't do more than 10 minutes without a break?

OP posts:
ifonly4 · 03/07/2018 11:39

I'd make a joke of it, something along the lines of, I had to laugh the other day, your gardener was sat out the back having his break at 9.30am and it amused you he'd already needed to take an hour at that time.

Kione · 03/07/2018 11:42

Is your neighbour in when the gardener comes? If he is, I'd keep out of it, if he is out, maybe yes, have a chat with him.

50shadesofgreyismylaundry · 03/07/2018 11:42

Sounds like he's taking the piss. No harm I mentioning it to your neighbour.

maxelly · 03/07/2018 11:42

I think 'wheelchair user' is generally acceptable Billben

At least OP didn't refer to her neighbour as 'a wheelchair' as seems to be common e.g. 'I had to fold my buggy when a wheelchair got on the bus', 'excuse me, a wheelchair needs to get through here' etc.... far worse to me than wheelchair bound if we're playing at competitive offense taking!

Squidgee · 03/07/2018 11:42

I think its wheelchair user isn't it?

ProfessorMoody · 03/07/2018 11:43

I use wheelchair bound and bed bound for myself, a wheelchair user. Don't find it offensive in the slightest - far more things to concern myself with.

Original poster
Paie · 03/07/2018 11:44

Yes the neighbour is generally in when he comes, but he never goes out into the back garden and doesn't have great visibility from the house.

OP posts:
Samcro · 03/07/2018 11:44

i would mention it. it might be all ok, but he might be scamming your neighbour.

ToadOfSadness · 03/07/2018 11:50

Could you find out if he is a paid gardener or a volunteer? I have seen a website where people offer to help old and disabled people with things like shopping and gardening?

He might not be scamming, he might be kind. On the other had if he is ripping him off ...

Original poster
Paie · 03/07/2018 11:52

@ToadOfSadness
He's paid, He also gardens occasionally for the neighbours next to my neighbour.

OP posts:
GrumpyInsomniac · 03/07/2018 11:53

@Billben totally unnecessary inverted commas. Wheelchair-bound has never been an expression that was pleasant to use for a wheelchair user. I've used it about myself on occasion to explain how I'm feeling, but it's never been in a positive way: only to express how restrictive life in a wheelchair can sometimes be due to the obstacles people, companies, councils and life can put in your way when that's how you get about.

Wheelchair-bound implies imprisonment and being defined - and limited - by one's use of a wheelchair. Wheelchair user, on the other hand, places the control rightly back where it is, with the user and not the wheelchair.

We don't refer to the able-bodied as leg-bound, because their ability to walk unaided is immaterial to their worth and potential as a human being. A wheelchair is a tool, nothing more.

You may see this as unnecessary pedantry, but actually it is important. There are people out there who will verbally and physically abuse wheelchair users purely on the basis of their being publicly in a wheelchair, as if that somehow designates them as less human and less worthy of consideration. If you and everyone else can help us by correcting the use of terms that perpetuate the problem of us being defined by our chairs, it's at least a start.

ToadOfSadness · 03/07/2018 11:53

*hand

ToadOfSadness · 03/07/2018 11:58

In that case I would try to mention it to him, in case there is something untoward going on, if there is a reason for it then it does not harm to ask.

SoddingUnicorns · 03/07/2018 11:59

Interestingly OP isn’t offended and actually seemed quite happy to be asked not to use the original phrase, so I’m not even sure why it’s got nippy?

SummerGems · 03/07/2018 12:02

Fgs must these threads always be derailed?

Disability terminology is subjective and what to one is offensive isn’t to someone else and vice versa. but as it goes bishop asked the OP early on not to use the phrase, she apologised and it should have been left at that. I have disabilities and I dislike some of the terminologies used to describe them yet other people feel that those are the appropriate ones. Unless the term is recognised as being offensive and has been outlawed i.e. talking about people being “retarded” or “crippled” etc they really are subjective.

OP, if the gardener was doing the same at anyone else’s house, would you feel the need to tell them if they were at home during the time he was there? Assuming this man doesn’t have visual disabilities he could presumably look out of the window at any point and see the gardener out there in his car?

Original poster
Paie · 03/07/2018 12:04

If someone was referring to something about me in a way I found offensive, I would suggest the alternative and explain why it's offensive to me.

As I had done to me earlier in the thread. No hard feelings, just being respectful of others. Isn't it a nicer world when we all just get along Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Paie · 03/07/2018 12:06

Neighbour has no visibility disabilities.
But his bed covers most of the only window that faces onto the garden, and his bed faces away from the door.
Windows are too high for him to see out of properly- he's complained about this to DP hence how we know :)

OP posts:
Original poster
Paie · 03/07/2018 12:07

*away from the window... not door

OP posts:
Seasawride · 03/07/2018 12:08

If the Gardner goes into the house he may well be a very good source of chat and banter to the neighbour.

You sound lovely op it’s nice to see neighbours looking out for each other anyway and as for wheelchair bound it’s a phrase I hear a lot and honestly have not seen it to be offensive but of course now it’s been pointed out I can see it really is so thanks for mentioning it Bishop if people arnt told they don’t realise.

NC4T · 03/07/2018 12:09

I would say leave it.

When my nan was elderly, she would get fairly anxious about things like this. She'd have worried and fretted about being ripped off, how to approach it, whether it mattered, how lovely the gardener was etc etc and the whole thing would have caused her much more anxiety than when she didn't know he was only doing an hour. It would disturb her peace of mind and frankly it wouldn't be worth it. Sounds like he is fairly immobile and vulnerable and wouldn't easily be able to sort this out. He can obviously afford it and is happy with the garden when he does get out there so honestly I would leave it.

Is there a relative who pops round regularly? Might be worth mentioning it to them, but otherwise I would leave it.

SummerGems · 03/07/2018 12:10

So is he confined to bed when he’s there alone and a wheelchair for going out? In which case does he have carers who come in to help him or does he have a partner or similar who is there who would be able to perhaps stick around and catch the gardener skiving if that’s what he’s doing?

AnnieAnoniMoose · 03/07/2018 12:13

Why be a gardener if you can't do more than 10 minutes without a break?

Because sometimes life is shit. Sometimes we don’t get ill until we are already established in our career and when it’s all we know we keep on doing it - generally at a reduced rate to take into account the extra time it takes us. Thankfully I’m not a gardener, but if I was I’d probably keep doing it but charge less per hour or do 2 hours on the job for every hour charged.

If you are concerned your neighbour is being ripped off then go and talk to him, I’m not sure why you’re making such a fuss about the simple task of speaking to your neighbour.

Fflamingo · 03/07/2018 12:18

He prob only works April to sept, I’d leave it, if the elderly gent worried about this stuff he’d follow it up.

MrsJayy · 03/07/2018 12:19

*Could you not use wheelchair bound please?

What is the correct phrase?*

Uses a wheelchair or disabled

Anyway If i saw your neighbour I would say your gardner likes his breaks doesn't he and then tell him.

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