To think that kids can have a negative impact on adult relationships?

[malificent7]

Don't get me wrong, being a parent has introduced me to some wonderful people but has also caused some problems.
If dd dosnt get on with another child it makes it very hard to see the other parent.
Actually she has issues with my best friend's dd and DP'S dd.
Most of the time she gets on with them but if there is a ( normally petty issue) I makes things tense.
I think most of the issues with girls are about competition and sharing.
Plus when I was a new mum I couldn't go out with my friends with kids.
Love dd she's great and my relationship with her is important... But I do need my adult friends and I'm pissed off that the kids' drama feeds into my own life. Ugggrrr!

It isn't always dd who is at fault but sometimes it is....

Plus having kids compromise s couple time.

Just me then?

Of course they do, but you accept this when you decide to have children.

Why couldn’t you go out with your friends with kids when you were a new Mum?

Someone awhile back said that having a baby is like throwing a hand grenade on your relationship.

My relationship didn't survive dd. No great loss...was delighted to get rid and keep my baby. I just didn't realise how hard it would be to sustain friendships and I havnt come to terms with it.

I had no idea about how parenting styles could cause problems. Not a clue.

Of course they do.

But it's not because they are kids. The bigger the group of people present, the bigger the chance of some of people not getting on 100% of the time.

Me and my best friend always have a laugh when together. We usually do when our dps come with us. Though my Dp and her don't aren't friends and don't always agree. Throw all 4 kids into the mix and there are issues.

Throw in her mum and my mum and some of the neighbours, not everyone gets on with everyone.

Kids just make it more obvious when they don't get on.

When mine and my best friends kids are altogether sometimes they don't get on. We both just tell off whichever one needs telling off (if one does need telling off) and then tell them to pack it in. It's not an issue because neither of us precious about eachother pulling our kids about poor behaviour. And both of us would tell our own kids off, if we witness them behaving poorly.

They definitely do. You have less time, less money and less energy to hang out with people. My DS is two, so going out in the evening is knackering. Events with toddler, you spend half your time dealing with your child. (DS is two). If they don't have kids, you feel guilty about how their lovely time with you has been sabotaged by a toddler. If they do, your lovely time together gets sabotaged by all the toddlers having a fight about who gets to hold the green brick.
In my experience, the greater the adult-to-child ratio, the more fun the adults have.

I was 19 when I had my first. He was a novalty to friends, which quickly wore off when I would keep saying 'no I can't come out', 'no I can't help you move', 'no I won't be attending' etc.

18 years later, some are now having their first. I get 'it's so unfair you get to go away again?', 'no sorry I can't come out as I don't have a sitter', 'I'm really struggling with work and childcare' etc. And I will be honest, I do feel a little smug. I think yep now you know how I felt. I may be a little nasty, but I'm not at their beck and call, they weren't there when I needed them, so why should I make myself available 24/7 for them. Childish? Probably. But still carrying that hurt.

But I have to be honest, I haven't noticed having children affect my romantic relationships. I met now exdp when ds was 2, he had no children. He was an amazing 'step dad' as such, but as he said, he would never be a step dad to ds, because he has a dad, and we were 50/50 contact. Him and ex dp get along really well. We had a child together and split several months ago after 16 years, although the relationship was really over a few years ago.

I'm now seeing dp, he too has no children. Has never wanted them. Gets along with my sons, and
Exdp's. He knows that sometimes he'll suggest we do something and I'll decline because I will have ds2 (14) and ex has plans. But if he suggests a meal out, sometimes it will be the two of us, other times for all of us. When he comes over he'll ask do I need anything (bread milk etc), and I guarantee the boys will always suggest pringles, ice cream etc. The boys feel comfortable enough to ask without feeling cheeky, and he asks not because he's buying affection but because it's the norm with us. (I do the same when I pop to see him or his mum for example).

Ds1 (18) actually said to him 'I'm glad you are with my mum, because you make her happy and I can see she makes you happy'. That was one of the nicest things he could have said.

So going back to your question. Children can interfere with relationships. But I seen it more with my friends rather than personal relationships. It takes a certain type of man or woman, to have a relationship with someone who has a child. Because it's way more difficult. Not only to build a relationship with the child, but having the child's other parent and family to, I'm gonna say deal with, but that's not the word I want, I just can't think of the word. But anyway I hope you know what I mean!

Definitely but its not their fault. Its the adults in making and choosing to have them and in how they react to the stress and lesser couple time. If your relationship was strong and good genuinely it would not have ruined it, strained it at times but not destroyed.

It isn't the child's fault but I was a single mum till dd was 7 and she didn't want to share me with anyone. Even if I was on my phone to a friend she would play up.
I've trained her not to be like that as I need other people in my life...it's healthy.

I have lost contact with some pre-children friends, as our parent styles have differed/children haven't got on/interests have changed. Now my DC are older, I'm starting to see some of those friends again as we re-kindle some of those interests we used to share. I've met some amazing people through my DC, through school, their sports, scouting. Since going back to work - to a job I would never have switched to had I not had children, I've gained friends in the work place. I've taken up new interests now the DC are older with mums from school whose DC aren't necessarily friends with my DC and even people with no DC, in sport, a reading group, with a wider group of neighbours.

So, yes, having children does impact on adult relationships, but not necessarily in a negative way.

With OH it put a strain on the relationship as I changed from "meh..I don't give a shit" to "omg omg this needs done now and in this way!!" while he stayed the same,kinda lazy and selfish. We worked it out eventually.

I've lost touch with some old friends but no big loss there.

Most of the friendships that I have now work because even when the kids don't get on we don't look for blame,no matter how annoying the other one is. Instead we offer them some alone time,distraction to the other child, while rolling our eyes over what a pain in the butt they both are.

I remember one of my friend's kid (8) after spending a week with DD(4) apologising to his older sisters for being annoying because he finally understands how they felt. Both me and friend thought it was hilarious.