To ask more experienced parents about girls playing with “boys’ toys” at nursery

[StupidNurseryQuestion]

DD(3) is about to start nursery. It’s attached to the school that we hope she’ll go to in the future too.

My secret midnight worry about nursery is that she is simply not interested in traditionally “girly” toys at all. She has a toy box full of cars and a ride on car; a road map and a garage; and DP’s 30 year old brio, and that’s what she plays with. Dolls gather dust and the Belle dress she swore blind she wanted from Tesco hangs in the wardrobe with the tags still on it! When she watches tv, she only wants Thomas or Blaze and the Monster Machines.

Now I don’t care what she likes/plays with, so long as she’s having fun and learning, but I DO want her to be happy at nursery. I’ve taken her for several play dates recently where the other little girls have dollhouses and fairy wings etc, and DD just looks blank and asks where their cars are. Meanwhile when they came to us, they clearly had zero interest in the cars that DD really wanted to show them One of them wanted to play “Frozen”, because she’s Elsa mad, and I realised DD had never seen it. Tried to show her - she wouldn’t even watch the opening scene before demanding Blaze again (I was quite disappointed as I’ve never seen it either!).

So my question - is this likely to cause any issues at nursery? I don’t want her not to have little friends or anyone to play with because she’s not interested in the same sort of toys/games. Am I overthinking it? She is PFB - as if you couldn’t tell ! - and I just have this image of her being left alone in the playground. Do lots of other little girls like trains and cars? Do the kids all just play together in a big group? Please say they do and that I’ve just been unlucky with the play dates so far!

@TyneTeas

🙌

Girls can play with cars, they can fight and chase and do all of the things that boys do. It doesn't make them weird, or 'ungirly'. They are still little girls, and it is perfectly normal. The idiots in the nursery where we sent our dd were so 19th century in some ways it was scarey. They told dd that she shouldwear pink, because that is the proper colour for girls, she shouldn't be playing chase or 'boy' games with the boys, because she was just a girl and could get hurt! I sent dh down to have 'words' because I don't think I could have stayed polite enough to do it myself.

She will have such a huge variety of resources to play with at nursery. Girls are allowed to play with cars and blocks and trains as much as boys are allowed to play with dolls and the kitchen set.

It. Does. Not. Matter.

If her friends at her setting turn out to be boys, great! Invite them for playdates. She could also meet girls who have similar interests. She's barely been in this world for five minutes - please allow her to do what she wants, and express her own interests.

Op there is no such thing as 'boys' toys', nor are there 'girls' toys'. They are just toys.

Your dd will play with boys and girls, and the nursery will have a variety of toys. There really is no need to worry.

My eldest loves football and prefers to play with boys. That's just her personality. As long as she is happy then I am too.

My DD's two best friends at pre school were boys. At parties and group get togethers she tends to gravitate towards the boys although she does have female friends too. She is 5 now and she has learnt to play to her audience. When friends come round she knows which of her toys they would like to play with and she will play more with dolls and craft than she used to, I think this is because if the influence of other girls at school.

I am proud of her for being brave enough to dress up as a pirate at a princess and pirate party. It shows a strength of character I didn't have at that age. Don't worry about her she will find her place and there are plenty of children who like blaze and Thomas.

Way back in the mists of time when I was in nursery, all the different play areas were split by gender - only boys in the wet sand, only girls in the dry sand and so on. I vividly remember being told off for playing in the wet sand, but I wanted to build stuff and play with the cars like the boys did.

DS is in reception now, but as far as I could see there were no girls or boys toys in nursery. As others have said, there were just toys for everyone.

I doubt it will be an issue. My DD loves DC , Marvel, cars, trains, she mainly mixed with boys in Nursery and for the first 3 years in school.

Her bestie a boy left and she became great friends with a girl, She still loves the same stuff, but now she likes dolls and makeup too, If anything it has been a benefit to her.

It was never an issue.

My friend's daughter loved to line up a million toy cars at that age. I doubt your daughter will be without friends, male or female.

There'll be all sorts of toys and kids with all

There'll be toys of all sorts in my experience and kids with different interests. When I was a small kid growing up I never showed any interest in dolls or girlie things. I played with Lego, guns bows and arrows, and cars. My make believe games were all adventure, hide and seek etc. I made a lot of friends who were little girls, but my interests also ensured that I made friends with the boys in my age group too.

Nursery will probably be ideal for her - she'll get to mix with a lot of different kids and find the ones who like to do what she does. She won't be limited to girls who only like dolls etc. and, equally, she will probably get to see how dolls etc. can be mixed with dinosaurs and cars for more wide-ranging play.

I did find, however, that the notion of "boys toys" and "girls toys" was introduced to my DDs at nursery. Because of the other kids rather than the staff, I'm sure, but my DDs had no concept of "pink is for girls" or "football is for boys" until they went into that sort of setting. It is a part of society though and they are going to have to cope with it unless they're going to be brought up in a bubble, so I just tried to counter the bias at home.

Should be better at nursery as there’s more children for her to find someone to play with. Plus they’ll do structured activities as well. She might start branching out as she sees her friends know about something she doesn’t, or she might convert the whole class to trains/cars. (My DC got their cousins into peppa pig, even though cousins were all old enough to know better!)

I wouldn’t worry, she will find her way

Yep don't worry at allllll! This was ME growing up, I had lots of friends who were boys who had my back the whole way through, and it just means now that I can play video games with my husband and my two boys when they're a bit older!

You can't do much with Barbies anyway 😉

Although funny enough my hair's normally highlighted, my mascara is my best friend and I own so many nail polishes I have nowhere to put them all! She'll be fine

Should be fine. From working in nursery and foundation the children will play with any toy they like with whoever else happens to be playing with that toy at the time. It’s more important that they can share a bit and enter into the spirit of the activity, whether that’s building a duplo garage or making dinner for a doll in the home corner. The children seem to accept anyone joining in the activity as long as they can play with some cooperation and aren’t snatching or taking over the play.

My DD is like yours. She's never cared for traditionally "girls" toys. Loves her dinosaurs, cars, etc. PJ Masks is about the "girlest" show she watches, and she wants to be Cat Boy. She's fine at school, mostly hangs out with boys, but her BF is a girl who's just like her. They play zombies at lunch. I wouldn't worry.

I've often suspected that the girls who are all princesses and sparkles are that way because it's all they've ever been exposed to, rather than actual interest.

As a child I was not at all interested in anything pink or princess like, I was dinosaur mad and classed myself as a tomboy until I was about 13 or so. I made plenty of friends! Both girls and boys! She'll be fine x

She will be absolutely fine. My daughter was a tomboy practically from birth, I lost count of the amount of toys I donated to the local children's hospital because she just wasn't interested in eg dozens of Barbies, dollies etc that she was given in gifts over the years. She loved play makeup but only to smear all over mirrors, not her face . She has lots of friends both male and female but her closest two are male, they have been friends since nursery. She's getting married in the not too distant future and is still not typical girly girl.

At ds's nursery there are no girls and boys toys. Ds has male and female friends and all of them will happily play together in the home corner, cooking play food, or do each other's hair, or play in the construction area with trains, cars, Lego etc or run about kicking footballs. Hybrid games are played where Paw Patrol and Spiderman team up with the princesses! Ds loves Frozen and Trolls by the way and has occasionally been found in a Tinkerbell outfit at pickup time! It doesn't seem to be very gender specific at all at nursery and that's the way it should be at this age.

Toys are toys, kids are kids. She will make her own friends based on their connection.

Please don't try to make her 'girlie' to satisfy a stereotype.

Wow she is a girl after my own heart. I used to love traditional boys toys when I was 5, 36 years ago, I found girls toys boring, dull and stereotypical of what society expected girls to grow into. Kitchens, prams, doll houses. I liked toys you could explore, make things with. Let your dd do what she wants and play with, what she wants. They are just toys, you cannot force her to play with toys that she does not like.

Needless to say, I am not confused about my gender, I am happy being a biological female that falls outside what society expects of a woman.

Both my DD’s (4 and 2) play with all sorts at home... cars, dolls house, Lego, crafts, pirates... at pre school they both say their favourite thing to play with is the mud kitchen (and both come back absolutely filthy every day!). They just play with what they enjoy. Don’t think it’s caused them any problems so far!

She will be fine, she will find her own group of friends who share the same interests, be it Disney Princesses or Thomas the Tank Engine. She might be friends with boys or girls. The best thing you can do is keep encouraging her to like what she likes, play with what she likes etc and not change who she is just to fit in with everyone else.

My eldest is just finishing reception and youngest starts nursery school in September. At this age they don't really have best friends or anything. My eldest comes home every week talking about a different friend who he's been playing with and it seems to be boys and girls.

I honestly think you are overthinking it, plus preschool tends not to have character toys as such. In my school the boys and girls all play together and mix no matter their toy preference! One minute they will be playing mums and dads and the next they will be playing ball games so the games vary. There is not one single child in preschool that doesn't have someone to play with even the very quiet shy children find their partners in crime! 😊

My now 20 something was like this cars diggers trains etc etc it is just toys nursery put toys out to play with the children play withthem don't worry and if you get a little boy pal round on a play date that is fine too. Your dd will find her way.