Judgemental friend

[lisaBee123]

I am at my wits end with judgemental 'friend'!!

I realise everyone is different, I'm more of an 'each to their own' type and friend has a big opinion on everything and anything and just doesn't seem to know when to stop.

I really am at a loss as to what to say these days, there is only so much 'oh I don't mind/care' that I can put up with.

She has such strong opinions on everything and it wears me out. Some recent beauties:

Oh I hate people who like football, they are such morons

Oh I hate working mums, they don't love their kids

Oh I hate women who don't lose the baby weight, they are so lazy

Oh I hate tattoos on women, it makes them look rough

Then a big old discussion on exactly why she hates everything and everyone that isn't her!

And on and on...

I just feel like screaming SO WHAT???? Everyone is different, welcome to the world!!

I have to be friends with her as she is my DH's sister in law but i feel like I'm getting dragged into things I just don't need to be talking about.

I know I'm being unreasonable, I'm not even bothered. I just wanted to rant before i exploded.

She sounds like my parents. My dad was only saying yesterday how disgusting women with tattoos look.
Or how fat people are lazy. I call him out on it; I don’t want to hear that shit.
Do you have to hang around with her?

"Hate's a very strong word. Why are you so angry?"
I said this recently to a friend who was on a rant.
She said I was judgy too.
I replied "maybe so but it's not healthy to encourage it. Thoughts can become actions."

I know someone like this. If you absolutely have to spend time with them, you could try, "Gosh, you do hate a lot of people, don't you?"

Or just make no reply at all when she says things like this. Not a word. Just stare into space. Leave a big silence when she finishes talking and then say something on a completely unrelated subject. If she directly asks you whether you agree, just say, "No." No explanations. If she presses you really hard, you could add, "I think it's weird to go round hating people all the time."

To be fair I only get to use these because I genuinely don't care whether she likes me or not.

Laugh it off and say 'here you go again you negative nelly, honestly what are you like!!'

Do you get much else out of this friendship? I’d find that negativity so draining!

I totally get the strong opinions on things that matter, that affect people. I get all of that, but other people and their weight...what does it matter to anyone else?

I don't see her as often as I did but have a wedding coming up and she will be there all day. Plus our LO is having an occasion which she is invited to and I just don't want her there judging my house and my little party and all her big mouthed negativity.

But can't not invite without a lot of falling outs and trouble which I don't really want.

She isn't perfect herself (who is?!) but just puts on this prim perfect act and then looks down on everyone else. It takes a lot for me to lose my temper but I'm getting so wound up over this!!

I find most people that judge others do it because they know thier lives ain’t perfect so do it to make them selves feel worthy. Everyone is guilty of judgement wether or not you mean it or even realise it. People that are over judgy tend to have less perfect lives than others. Next time she does it counter judge her and see how she likes it.

Best not to engage. Just nod and smile

And breathe.....

It's just self-hate and projecting it onto everyone else.

I know. Hard to deal with in a family setting. (tell me about it! ).

One way to deal with it is to say each time "Sorry, I don't agree with you". And repeat.

Haha and breathe indeed!!

Sorry for rant, and thank you for words of the encouragement. The annoying thing is I know I shouldn't get caught up in it, ignoring it genuinely is the best bet.

Good suggestions here though and very nice to hear I'm not going mad!!!

Does your friend spend every waking minute posting on MN, under dozens of usernames? That would explain a lot.

@donquixotedelamancha she's been known to troll on another site, I know she likes a good MN argument but now thinks mumsnetters are all 'vile' so apparently doesn't post anymore...

She sounds awful.

I can't stand this kind of person, so maybe I'm projecting, but do you like this person?

If not I'd just reduce, if not cut, contact with her.

Just cheerfully challenge with a smile.

Apart from I’m not a working Mum (she’s still wrong though) she’d hate me

I can sympathise OP my SIL is a massive twat too, I find myself biting my tongue for BILs sake.

My mum is like this. It took me until me until my mid-thirties to realise that I don’t have to have an opinion on anything that doesn’t directly affect me. Or, if I do, that I absolutely don’t have to share it.

For example, personally I’m not a fan of tattoos. But these days it would be pretty dicey territory to voice that opinion, for fear of looking like a dickhead. So I don’t.

**My mum is like this. It took me until me until my mid-thirties to realise that I don’t have to have an opinion on anything that doesn’t directly affect me.

That sounds very familiar! My parents are only in their 60s but they've always been very judgemental about pretty much everything and everybody who isn't them (families with two working parents, anyone carrying a little extra weight, people who aren't in professional roles, people with either more or fewer than exactly 2 kids..). In a sense, I find my father easier to deal with because he's well aware that he's a bigoted old fart (and he occasionally plays up to it). My mother genuinely believes that she's the most open-minded person in the world. If I ever call her out on her prejudices, she'll either pretend she never said something that several people heard her say, or turn things round on me and tell me that I'M narrow-minded and judgemental for not accepting her views.*

• Lest people think I'm a self-righteous prig, I should say that the opinions I've called her out over have been more than usually unpleasant (we're talking "Jews asked for the Holocaust" / "only white women love their kids" / victim-blaming pre-teen murder victims kind of nasty). The trouble with being around people who are constantly negative and judgemental is that they mess with your idea of what's normal, until you half-believe that you're some kind of extremist for not giving a damn about stuff that isn't your business.

Oh my word @needsleep12345 she's not in that sort of territory at all, she just seems to have an opinion on everything and it just gets me like aaaaaaarrrrrggghhhh shut up (but inside my head lol)

I used to really like her. She's always been opinionated and I liked that about her, she was one of those people who really stood up for women's rights and I really respected that.

Fast forward 10 years and now that same passion is directed at hating everyone and anyone. It's like it's some kind of new trend to shit on everyone. She thinks optimism is pathetic and everyone is stupid.

Can I ask what you do Like......

Say this to her...

@mummmy2017 that might be the one thing to leave her speechless!!