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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to strangle my sister

14 replies

Sunnyday1203 · 02/07/2018 15:13

I can't quite believe my sister has done this. So our dad is in hospital and has dementia, he has a bank card and keeps his pin number in his wallet told him that I was taking home for safe keeping and to pay bills. It is a cash point so need to draw money out to buy him anything. He smokes so I have to buy him ciggies and does not like the food there so buy him things. Although I do not have poa, some time back he wrote to various companies like BT, Credit card and EDF ect. Which are being paid. My sister has basically seen on line various transactions and has called the police. She knows I have the card and I had also informed the social worker I had taken it home. I going to empty to account asap as there is a big danger the C card company will take money they are owed and he will be left with nothing. I am so pissed off with her , why not text me and ask if she was really worried. She took £1000 from him last year and when I found out I asked her and her husband to pay it back as he is on a basic state pension, which they still have not. She called it her inheritance ffs. I think she did this out of spite and yes I want to strangle her. That is our relationship done, if you could have called it that in the first place

OP posts:
Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname · 02/07/2018 15:18

Don't empty the account if you think a transaction wil bounce. Your df will incur bank charges.
Just so your df to see a solicitor and sort things out properly. As the sw for help so they know the score.

GreenMeerkat · 02/07/2018 15:21

You and your DF need to speak to a solicitor and sort POA ASAP!

ChampagneCommunist · 02/07/2018 15:29

It's too late for a PoA, he has dementia.

You need to be appointed as his Deputy by the Court of Protection; see a lawyer ASAP

ElderflowerWaterIsDelish · 02/07/2018 15:29

Don't empty the account,

If all those transactions are for your dads bills then it will be provable when the payment amounts match his bill payments...

If you empty the account then it will technically be stealing, your dad hasn't given you permission to do that, and you aren't removing the whole lot for a bill...you will end up getting in trouble with the police for theft....

If you haven't got poa then your sister has as much right to keep an eye on your dads finances as you do, she is just checking that he isn't be stolen off, I'm not saying you would do that but some people do...if the police come, be open with them, if you have
done nothing wrong and have nothing to hide then you have nothing to fear

BMW6 · 02/07/2018 15:41

Why would you empty the account to prevent the c card company taking money that they are owed??
You don't have POA so surely to could be arrested for theft if you take money from his account?

Original poster
Sunnyday1203 · 02/07/2018 15:43

There will be no bank charges as DD's are not set up on his account. The credit card is the same people he banks with, they have form for just taking money out. To late for POA. The money drawn out is in his wallet and locked away. My sister is the thief she took the money last year without mentioning to us and cannot understand it was wrong. elder not stealing his money if spent on him and he will need when he goes into a home. My sister does not think he should smoke but do not think is is any of her business, he is a adult albeit one with dementia

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunnyday1203 · 02/07/2018 15:44

BMW we will set up a payment plan for CC company.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunnyday1203 · 02/07/2018 15:46

BMW so if I do not withdraw money how are his bills going to be paid, how will Dad but his ciggies.

OP posts:
Racecardriver · 02/07/2018 15:56

So you are more concerned about his cigarettes than potentially being charged with theft?

Original poster
Sunnyday1203 · 02/07/2018 16:04

I am concerned that my dad has access to the things he wants and needs. I am doing what he wants, the police are not interested btw, why should they be,. My sisters is petty and nasty. she used his money for fund a holiday abroad, that is theft. Before his dementia as too advanced he signed the papers for me to be the POA.

OP posts:
Rosielily · 02/07/2018 16:07

The POA now needs to be registered. Speak to your solicitor.

Original poster
Sunnyday1203 · 02/07/2018 16:11

Rosielly It is hardly worth as when he goes in to a home he will be left with something like £25 a week, which he will want to spend on ciggies. No property. I am paying his phone bill atm and sorted the rest out. So not much more I can do.

OP posts:
ohfourfoxache · 02/07/2018 16:11

Solicitor - immediately.

Sorry to be blunt but you need to see someone urgently

purplecorkheart · 02/07/2018 16:28

As ohfour said you need legal advice fast.

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