To be sick and tired of not getting anything done?

[Merryoldgoat]

I’m on maternity leave. I have a 4 month old DS and my Older DS who is 5.

I can’t get a fucking thing done. My baby is a limpet - and because he sleeps amazingly overnight (the reward for 3 years of hell with older DS) he barely sleeps in the day - a few cat naps and if I put him down he wakes up in 10 mins.

I can usually manage a shower as he finds this amusing enough from his chair. Any longer than that and it’s full-scale crying until I pick him up.

It’s too hot to go for a walk, I’ve got no friends who are not working so I’m just stuck at home. I can’t tidy or clean anything because I can’t get longer than 10 minutes in one go.

It’s driving me fucking crazy.

I’ve got so much to do and I am starting to feel really down about it.

Do you have a DP/DH? If so, are they aware of what your days are like at the moment, and do they do as much as they can to get things done around the house?

I feel your pain. My DS2 is now 9 months and DS1 is 5. I thought it would be a doddle while he’s at school but it’s just not! DS2 is crawling and literally crawls round after me, grabbing my ankle. He’s a catnapper too, but due to the weather isn’t sleeping at night either. The house is a midden, the ironing pile is taller than me, there’s dishes in the sink from breakfast. It’ll get better. He’s actually gone down for a nap now as he’s been up all night and I’m sat in garden with my lunch and a book. It’ll only last 20 mins but is doing my MH a world of good after a full night of rocking a screaming baby.

You have my sympathies. This too shall pass.

If you need to get something done then the baby will have to cry for 10 min or so until you’re done.

It might be the only way to save your sanity.

Thanks for replying.

I have a DH. He’s very supportive, does lots around the house and isn’t one of those ‘what do you do all day’ types.

He does know but can’t do much during the day because he needs to work (he’s trying to take a day off a week to help though).

Our older DS has just been diagnosed with HFA so requires a bit more input so evenings are not very much better. I do get time alone and go out evenings now and then. It’s more that the days are just so hard.

Sorry. I’m just moaning. Last time I had my NCT group so we’d just lounge around at each other’s houses about 3 times a week which was a godsend, my DS slept in the day so I caught up then too.

I suppose I’m just lonely.

I think you'll have to let go of the idea of 'getting things done' for now and stop putting pressure on yourself because it's just not happening. If you have a partner they'll have to step up and do their bit.

Is your older DS in school for another month? If so, now's the time to enjoy the baby before summer holidays madness starts. Is there a cinema nearby that does parent sessions in the day time? Could you have a wander in a shopping centre, get some summer clothes? Find a local baby group? Go swimming together?

This bit won't last. It's a bit shit but it'll get better.

Thank you 10storey

It’s hard isn’t it? I need to be a bit more proactive I suppose and look out some groups. It hasn’t helped that I’ve moved area between the two kids so all the groups and people I knew as acquaintances are no longer local. I sent out my ironing. I decided I’d rather go without some new clothes. It was a good plan as a load of stuff I forgot I had came back all crisp and hanging neatly.

pilesup

I do sometimes do that - like when I need the loo etc. It’s just not enough time to get ‘into’ something if that makes sense.

You can go to baby groups without having any friends there. Maybe make some new ones?

Thank you Spaghetti - I know you’re right. I just feel really down today.

I agree that if something needs doing around the house then the baby might have to cry for a bit whilst you sort it out. At that age I used to take mine around the house with me in a bouncy chair and try to keep them amused whilst I did housework. So 5 minutes of housework then a quick cuddle and a play, then repeat as necessary.

I also had to have a planned activity most days otherwise I found everything too repetitive. Baby cinema was a favourite, baby would usually feed and go to sleep. Also agree with swimming.

I’m googling some now Red

Have you tried a sling? It was the only way things like hovering and cooking got done with DS 1, he simply could not be put down, he'd scream so much he stopped breathing. When in the house, of it was hot, I just wore a bra and baby in the sling! (with bottoms on of course!)

I do have a sling which we use a bit but he gets very hot in it so fights against it in this weather.

The amount to do can be overwhelming. Keep on top of the essentual daily bits like washing up and then Set one task a day of non essential like ironing for an hour in the evning. Gradually and slowly you will get ahead my 4th is a year and only now do I feel back to being just about on top of it all.if you want a shower have one by yourself quickly and pop baby in the cot he won't be harmed by and few minutes crying you do need time to shower! Also try bouncer, walker, door bouncer, jumparoo that you can keep them in when you do 20 mins of paperwork or something.

It’s such a hard situation isn’t it. I’ve got a 3 yr old and 3 month old and she’ll only have a decent nap on me so it’s hard to get anything done. You have my sympathies.

Regarding groups. There is an app called Hoop. It lists all kids groups in your area. Might be worth a look.

School holidays might actually be better (more like your NCT days) since you have a ready-made social group of DS's friends mums. Assuming you get on with them!

Worth lining up some playdate days during the holidays with other school mums in the same position?

(You still won't get anything done, but at least you'll be having a nice time!)

Nordic - my DS is a bit of a loner owing to the HFA so not many mums about

I do now have The Hoop app though so I’ll start looking. I am looking forward to summer - the 5 year old is company at least!

Have people over op. Anyone. Find some other lonely mums, cos they're everywhere babies are. I've been where you are and it's an almighty slog. The days feel like years. You have to throw yourself at the day and take the kids with you. Get showered first thing as soon as the baby is fed, even if everyone is crying. Looking back on those tough days, it was social networking with any and everyone that got me through it. I really sympathize and goddammit you need to vent aswell. I don't think someone who doesn't do what you're doing day in day out (ie most men) can understand the grind.

Thank you everyone - you’ve all been so kind x

I bet this weather isn't helping OP?

It's so hot and humid here that my normally fairly content DS (11 months) doesn't want to do anything. He is being super clingy and the only time he has been happy is in the paddling pool, which he will tolerate for about half an hour as long as I am sitting next to him playing with the water. We've basically been stuck in the house for a week, because if I try to put him in the pram or car seat he goes mad because he gets too hot being strapped in.

I have suddenly realised why being a parent is so difficult for those with more children, clingy babies etc. for you!

I feel for you OP! My youngest was the same for about a year. I couldn't even walk to the kitchen (a small 5ft away from her) without her screaming.

I didn't drive and she hated the pram for ages so I used to have to sing nursery rhymes continuously until she would finally fall asleep (unless I was using a carrier).

But it did get better. She started sleeping longer and that made a big difference. And once she was walking and I stopped breastfeeding she became a different child!

I would say to make reallllly easy dinners. Cut corners where you can. Definitely start going to groups and getting out. Fit in something for yourself whilst you're out like a coffee, a stroll with some music and headphones whilst baby naps etc. And remember this is just a difficult phase that will pass.

Thank you Househunt and Iknow

I managed to get a couple of bits done but it’s all rushed and not completed properly - I know it will get better.

I do need to find some friends.

I’m a bit upset because my DS5 has a best friend who’s really local but they’re going away for the WHOLE SUMMER so I’m both jealous and a bit disappointed as his mum is very nice and I’d imagined some nice meet ups.

Ok. I should at least TRY to shower...