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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be ok about porn?

2 replies

Suzieloo2 · 02/07/2018 07:54

A recent conversation with a friend has made me feel guilty and I need to know if I'm being out of line.

I'm happily married to my partner of 13 years and we have a 2 year old. We've always had a healthy sex life (about 4/5 times a week) and I've always been open about being ok with masturbating (he says he doesn't very often anyway). However, I think I have quite a high sex drive as I do it a couple of times a week when he's not here and sometimes watch porn to help. I don't watch the extreme stuff and I've always thought that it doesn't impact my relationship with my husband in any way so it's ok.

The conversation with my friend was about how watching porn is akin to cheating. She said she'd be furious if she discovered her husband was watching porn.

Tbh, the whole 50 shades craze got me a bit curious about watching dirty videos and it seemed totally ok with people then. Am I being cruel and unfaithful to my husband if I watch porn? I haven't told him that's how I do it as I guess I am a bit embarrassed but I hoped maybe one day to see if he was into it too or I figure I'll just grow out of the phase (we're about to try for Baby number 2 so I won't have the time or energy anyway!)

Please be honest. Is it ok to watch stuff to get off?

OP posts:
WasFatNowThin · 02/07/2018 08:00

I do. My BF lives far away and we only get together at weekends. I've never told him though, I don't think I could.

Zadig · 02/07/2018 08:24

OP, I think this depends on how much you can separate the “personal benefits” to the wider societal impact of porn. I think when people, particularly women, watch porn, there is a high level of mental dissociation going on.

Yes most people masturbate of course and you are not unusual there. However, if you regularly go on sites such as YouPorn or PornHub, you are inevitably a couple of clicks away from watching a violent, sadistic simulation of rape, even incest. It’s actually hard to find porn that doesn’t have a sadistic undertone, even if it’s “just” forced blowjobs, gagging, hair pulling, face slapping, ejeculating in women’s faces, etc.

Are you ok with this? By clicking on these videos you are supporting an industry that trades on and normalises the objectification and abuse of women. Make no mistake about this. I have teens. What does the future hold for them and their relationships when watching a simulated gang rape is free on multiple sites - just a few clicks on Google, no sign up or passwords required. It’s easier to watch violent porn than to join MN.

What about the language used to refer to women - “bitch”, “slut”, etc. Does that turn you on? Would it be ok to have whole sites on which racist language was the norm? No, those sites would be instantly shut down. So why is it only ok when it’s about women?

The other issue I have is that most porn is actually crap. I don’t find the “actors” attractive. It’s made on an obviously low budget in the vast majority of cases and I cringe at most of it.

I guess if you need porn to “get off” then that’s up to you to decide. All I would say is that people have been masturbating and having sex since the dawn of time without the need for the bland, mindless, dehumanising crap that is porn.

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