To be hurt and offended at DH faking it?

[leaveitaloneforgodssake]

I have been a bit suspicious on previous occasions but the last time we DTD I am almost certain that he faked. He denied it but the evidence and/or lack of was there. I have never and would never do that to him. If he was having difficulty finishing I would have helped, or at least we could have talked about it. Just switching off and faking feels unforgivable to me. Am I overreacting?

Yes, a bit. How long has this been going on?

Are you TTC?

Not TTC. That's not the point at all. As I say I have suspected it's happened a few times over the last few months, but the last time was the first time I was sure.

Just to be clear it's not so much the faking that bothers me (or the disappearing to the bathroom immediately for some DIY). It's the denying it afterward, the shutting me out. It isn't how we work, or should, surely?

I would be concerned that he was suddenly unable to come during sex (assuming you normally make his orgasm a central part of sex) and that he felt that he couldn't be honest about it. But I would also be miffed if about him hiding it rather than addressing it, especially if he's going into the bathroom to finish himself off.

YANBU no suggestions though sorry

I was going to say porn, too. I'd be really upset if my dp was finishing himself off in the bathroom after faking it with me. Will he talk to you about it?

Some men do suffer retrograde ejaculation. It's extremely embarrassing to us men, and it's thought somewhere north of 90% don't bother getting it checked out. This is where a man orgasms but semen fails to travel up the appropriate tubes and be ejaculated. Can be potentially very, very serious too, prostate issues - including cancer. If this IS what is happening a GP appointment sooner rather than later is an absolute must. Same problems with ejaculation in terms of reduced amount of ejaculate and pain in penis, testicles, or anus (prostate).

To feel hurt is (IMO) OK, to feel offended isn't until you know the cause. I do think you have the right to know what's changed, but it probably isn't going to be easy for him to talk about it and being offended by it isn't going to help. It may be something entirely out of his control - how would you feel about yourself if a) you found your husband couldn't make you orgasm any more but didn't know why and b) he noticed and was offended about it, rather than concerned for your happiness and wellbeing? Take it gently.

i can't think why you should feel offended or take it personally. surely you should be concerned for his sake?

Sigh.

I woudn't be hurt or offended.

I would be concerned, there must be reasons for this behaviour. I would approach this in a loving and tactful way.

He's probably a) embarrassed that his willy isn't working properly and b) trying not to hurt your feelings. Try to be kind and understanding when you talk to him about it, rather than angry.