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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Two weeks away from children - posting for traffic

24 replies

Itsonlyorangejuice · 01/07/2018 20:43

Just posting in AIBU for traffic - I returned to work at the beginning of the year part time, 2 days a week after being a SAHM for 4 years.

I have two preschool aged children (3/4) and DH works away from home.

Somehow, I’ve been offered a 2-week work trip abroad to complete a project with were working on with one of our international offices - I only found out this past week (as everything happens very quickly in this sector) and, we leave next week.This is all very outing as a post anyway, but I won’t go into detail as to where or what the work is but this is an enormous opportunity for me career-wise and when I spoke to DH he was basically of the mind ‘you’d be really foolish to turn it down’. So, DCs will stay with my parents for this time (very happy there, have a lovely time etc).

But now I’m really panicking. I feel really dreadful about leaving my children for that long - I’ve left the children with parents before when we’ve had weekends away/wedding etc but this is a whole new scale and I’m trying not to freak out now I’m thinking about it.

I’m also massively scared about fucking up the project while I’m out there and have no clue why they’ve asked me to do it, but I suspect as I’m part time I’m the least ‘loss’ amongst the team in terms of ‘office hours.’

My flights have been booked but I’m now really stressing about the kids. I just need some reassurance if anyone is able - Has anyone else left kids of that age With family for that length of time?? Did they hate it??!! I’m just hating and hating the idea of it more and more.... I know I sound like a clingy tw*t but I’m just filling up with guilt and I haven’t even bloody left yet.

OP posts:

Skydiving · 01/07/2018 20:46

It sounds like you have devoted a lot of time to your children.
You have been there consistently for the most important years and you are mostly still around for them now if you only work two days.
You are probably there for them more than most mothers are now.
Do it. For you and for them. They are at an age where full time school isn’t far away and it’s good for you to have the chance to work on your career.

Danniz · 01/07/2018 20:49

I genuinely wouldn't worry. My kids have always seen staying away as an exciting treat.

Celebelly · 01/07/2018 20:50

Honestly, I think it's good for children to get decent chunks of time with grandparents and to learn to be adaptable. I spent a lot of time staying with my grandparents during holidays (my mum was a single parent) throughout my childhood and I have the fondest memories of it, and it really gave me a strong relationship with my (sadly now gone) grandparents.

I also think it will be a great opportunity for you.

Go, enjoy yourself and be safe in the knowledge your kids are safe with people who love them. Two weeks is such a small amount of time in the grand scheme of things.

CloudPop · 01/07/2018 20:51

You have been invited because they believe you can add to the event and value your input. Having such a wonderful caring network is a great gift. It will be hard for you, being away, everyone will be fine but it will all be slightly weird for sure. It will be tough for you but ultimately do-able. As long as this is seen as a one off and not something that will happen regularly - brace yourself and go for it. Skype / FaceTime etc are such a help

BlueBug45 · 01/07/2018 20:52

You will be fine and so will they.

One of my sister-in-law's left her 2 kids for the first time when the youngest was 4 to go on holiday for 3 weeks to see her parents abroad. The kids missed her but she had full back up care plus their dad, my brother, actually did a lot of care for them. She actually then went a few more times while they were under 10 and they simply got use to it so by the time they were teenagers they were matter of fact about it. It did help that technology improved so she could have lots of Skype chats with them.

Btw I was part of the back up care.

delilahbucket · 01/07/2018 20:53

To be honest,at that age they probably won't even remember when they are older. You, however, will remember missing out on a very important opportunity. Yes it will be hard, much harder for you than them, but you will get through it.

HolyMountain · 01/07/2018 21:02

I do think being sent on a 2 week business trip abroad after being part time [2 days a week!] for just six months is hugely demanding, what is their thinking?

HolyMountain · 01/07/2018 21:04

I’m sure your children will be fine and cope well , you have great parents to be able to step up like this.

mindutopia · 01/07/2018 21:11

Go and enjoy. We’ve never left them with family that long as we don’t have any family who can help us (in our case, I’d expect my dh to be home to do it). But I did two back to back work trips of 7 days and 9 days (with about 4 days home between them) when my dd was 17 months. It was a great opportunity for me and really refreshing to have some adult time to myself too. You’ll be fine and your dc will have a blast.

Original poster

Itsonlyorangejuice · 01/07/2018 21:21

Thanks everyone, great to hear it’s been done and everyone was happy!

Holymountain Yes, it’s massively demanding and my boss does realise that, I think a lot of it has come down to the relationship I have with the project managers on the other side and which colleagues work well together. They did give me an ‘out’ (we understand this is probably a challenging position to put you in so if you can’t, we’ll
Understand etc) and my initial thought was ‘no chance’, but my DH (always been really supportive of my career and encourages me to push myself as I tend to shy away from stuff etc) was so excited about it for me I got swept up in it etc. I should DH works in the same industry but in a different role, but therefore I think he sees the (very rarely arising) opportunities that could come from it and doesn’t want me to miss out..... I have form for this, as shortly after we were married I turned down a month-long trip to Kenya because I wasn’t sure I could do the job, and it’s always bothered me I suppose so he doesn’t want me to do that again (plus, this is a much better opportunity than that one was so he’s doubly supportive)

OP posts:

BounceAndClimb · 01/07/2018 21:26

They'll be fine, my DP works from home but travels away a lot, so its a similar combination of them being used to him being around a lot and then chunks of time away and they adjust fine.
It will go quickly for them, especially being at your parents it will be a novelty and like a holiday for them, it will be great for their bond with their grandparents too!

PumpkinPie2016 · 01/07/2018 21:32

I say to for it and enjoy the opportunity.

I'm sure the children will have a lovely time with their grandparents and presumably, your husband will be around them for at least some of the time you are away?

HolyMountain · 01/07/2018 21:35

It’ll be fine then.

The smaller they are the better children cope with a change.

Enjoy the work and experience that’s coming your way through the trip, you’ll be terrific.

Original poster

Itsonlyorangejuice · 02/07/2018 12:52

Thanks everyone, much appreciated.

Just had a random thought through as it’s not been discussed by work, but would you assume you’ll be paid for the extra time you work during the trip?? I only work 2 days a week but will now be working 12 consecutive days.....

I’m not good at this kind of thing so not sure how I tactfully ask the question??

OP posts:

KateGrey · 02/07/2018 12:53

Most men wouldn’t even think twice. It’s a great opportunity. Skype or FaceTime your kids and gain some wonderful experience.

TheMotherofBears · 02/07/2018 12:58

Congrats the opportunity op. They wouldn't have asked you if they didn't believe you would do a great job. As for being paid I'd ask "how & when will I be paid for the extra X days I'm working. Will it come as extra in my next pay cheque?" Def don't ask as an "if"

Isabella1978 · 02/07/2018 13:15

You will worry incessantly but it will be ok.
10 years ago I left DS to go on a school trip to China for 10 days. DH was in charge and DS continued in nursery as normal (no family close by).
This is outing but...a few weeks ago I was in hospital for a week undergoing major surgery. DH again in charge, this time of DS (11) and DD(7 months). No visits because of infection control, but this time we could FaceTime.
When I came home baby DD happily came and sat on my lap and DS yelled out 'hello mum' and carried on with his Fortnite game.
Kids are remarkably resilient, I think as long as they are in a secure environment with people they know, they should be more than ok.
Good luck with the work opportunity

CloudPop · 06/07/2018 12:38

Good point to the extra hours worked though. Maybe a gentle enquiry around taking some time off in lieu?

CassandraLamontaigne · 06/07/2018 12:47

That's a fantastic opportunity. So many positives here
The company want to send you off to represent them! after such a short time it shows real confidence in your abilities
That your DH is supportive and encouraging is fantastic. I know that's the minimum you would expect but there are so many posts here of unsupportive DHs it's lovely to hear from you that he's all for it
Your children have people who love them (and you) enough to want to spend all that time with them

I'd be the same as you, reluctant to leave them but go for it!

This is maybe a bit outing but my DF was very sick when I was young and my aunt and uncle took my youngest sibling for an unspecified amount of time. I think it was a month but I can't remember and my mum brushes over it. But it didn't do her any harm, she had a lovely time with the extender family and even now that she's in her 30s they still all have a soft spot for her

Frame it to the DC as an exciting adventure and they'll love staying in grandma's and grandpa's

MayContainBrain · 06/07/2018 12:55

Look- I understand your anxiety, but it’s 2 weeks. It isn’t going to scar you or them for life, they will be with people they love and we are living in a generation were we can see our loved ones by the push of a button. Growing up (even just 10-15 years ago!) when my parents went away we would get a postcard and the odd call from a phone box- because they were the only options available. Now a days you’ve got facebook, Skype, FaceTime etc. Plus isn’t the thought of having some YOU time attractive? I’m assuming you will have some time to yourself while your away to do whatever the hell you like.

Do it. If it’s going to boost your career then it will benefit your children more than you are able to now.

Caribbeanyesplease · 06/07/2018 12:58

Stop that kind of thinking. They asked you because they think you are the best person for that job

Caribbeanyesplease · 06/07/2018 12:59

2 weeks is a long time.
However I reckon all will be forgotten within five mins of your return. You’ll suffer more than them!

Love51 · 06/07/2018 13:00

If you are working full-time on the trip make sure before you go that you will be paid as such.

GetOffTheTableMabel · 06/07/2018 13:04

How wonderful to have such supportive parents and a dh who respects your career. My only tip would be to be guided completely by your parents about FaceTime. Some children find it a comfort but it can unsettle others and cause them to start missing mummy when they were otherwise coping fine.

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