Father and grandparents feeding far too much junk food to ds

[Mummyof3monkeys90]

My son is 9 and goes to his grandparents/dads (when his dad is actually there) every Wednesday for tea and every other weekend. Something that was pushed onto me when my son was younger and I was in a corner about it and had no choice but to say yes.

Anyway I have spoken to all 3 of them numerous times about feeding him a bit healthier and he is over weight.

He has come back today and told me he has had 3 takeaways this weekend regardless of the fact he was off school Friday with an upset stomach and I had said to him no takeaways. He told his dad and grandparents I'd said this and they completely ignored it.

I'm fuming. It's at a point now I feel I cannot treat him because of the rubbish he is fed there and I feel so mean that I am trying to make up for the fact he's had so much rubbish by pushing healthy eating a bit more because of his weight. I'm a lot stronger than I was back then and feel like not letting him stay anymore but I don't want to upset my son because it's not his fault.

Am I being unreasonable?

I fully take responsibility for what he has eaten in the past. I have taken 2 healthy eating courses with him and feed him well at home. He has school meals and a sandwich/wrap at tea time with a piece of fruit/crisps and a yogurt. I'm careful with what I do feed my children even more so since the birth of my youngest son who has a kidney condition and has to eat healthy to maintain good kidney function.

That's a good idea misscharleyp I will try that

Three large take aways every two weeks is easily enough to make a child overweight so YANBU. It's ridiculous that OP should have to ubderfeed her DS to compensate for the junk he's eaten at his grandparents and dad's house!

I agree with what pitterpatter just said. Three large takeaways a fortnight is enough to make a child overweight and to compensate the op would have no choice but to underfed him if she wanted to balance it out.

I don’t know what the answer is. I’d love to think there were courts for this, as it is just as bad to deliberately overfeed an overweight child as it would be to not feed an underweight child. I don’t know enough about the law to say if there are though.

I don't underfeed him. I mean he's never left hungry and there's always fruit and healthier snacks in the kids cupboard that my children can have whenever they like

I should add that they don't eat loads from that cupboard and my son has 2/3 a day including his school snack but fruit they have as and when

No, I wasn’t suggesting you underfeed him op. I said you WOULD have no choice but to underfeed him IF you wanted to compensate for the over feeding at his dad / grandad’s. I’m not suggesting you do this or that it would be a good idea. More that it’s an impossible situation for you and your ds.

Between all of you, you're going to make food an 'issue'. In your OP you mention using it as a 'treat'. Food should NEVER be used as a reward.

You need to sort your own eating habits out and lead by example - you've said you are bigger with cholesterol issues.

There was a similar thread to this a couple of years ago. I really feel for you OP because due to the calories your DS takes in when he’s there, you basically have to keep on a strictly healthy diet for the rest of the time.

An adult McDonalds/KFC/takeout pizza can easily have more than 1000 calories more than needed for one 9 year olds meal. It only takes 3500 additional calories to gain a pound, so yes its totally probable that this is what’s causing the DS to be overweight, plus the double whammy that these sugar filled white carb meals will make him sugar dependant and stretch his stomach so he feels he needs to eat more all the time.

I don’t know what to do about it though. Maybe take DS to doctor and get him properly weighed and measured. Ex-family may listen more if the eating advice comes from medical professionals.

always fruit and healthier snacks in the kids cupboard that my children can have whenever they like

Fruit still has calories and children don't need snacks. Just plan healthy well spaced meals. The 5 a day can be veg as part of those.

By 'treat' I merely mean that if we are out at dinner time we could pop for a happy meal. That to me is a treat because it shouldn't be a regular thing. My children have treats as days out, magazines, extra tablet time, a friend around to play.

Thankyou rookiemere I will be calling the doctor tomorrow

Newyearnewme18 I eat healthy and my choloestrol is a hereditary that I will be taking tablets for for the rest of my life. My cousin is a size 10, her choloestrol is through the roof and she also has to take statins.

So thankyou for judging that because I'm bigger and have high cholestrol I must eat unhealthly. I am not massive (16/18)

I agree that 5 meals out of 42 is not the reason he’s overweight. If he’s eating really healthily with you then you should be able to counteract what they’re feeding him.
Stopping him seeing them would be cruel to your son.
And be careful what you say to your son about all this - he’s 9. You don’t want to give him food issues

I try very hard to be careful what is said to ds. He knows what's healthy and what isn't due to the healthy eating courses. My 4yo talks a lot about 5 a day and small amount (sugar) as this is taught from the age of 2 in the nursery and goes right through the school. My son is also aware of this from school and it's something we follow at home.

I sympathise with you about your cholesterol OP. My DM is the same; type 2 diabetic and high cholesterol, hers is also hereditary, nothing she can do apart from watch her intake so it doesn’t get to dangerous levels.

A social worker for feeding a child a takeaway!! Really heard it all now, no wonder resources are so stretched

Oh wow so DF family have a licence to feed DS rubbish but to stop DS seeing them is cruel, and OP has to feed her DS low cal meals and god forbid she ever feed him a fast food meal herself or indeed an apple in between meals, to make up for their neglect. As thats what feeding a child constant junk food is - neglect.

This is not the OPs fault but it is her responsibility to stop her DC becoming overweight. Blaming her for how others feed him is ridiculous.

I have been close in the past to being diabetic. Also runs in my family. It's horrible isn't it. It worrys me enormously about my youngest son as he has a kidney condition too and I've been warned about the fact he may be prone to high blood pressure in the future because of his condition. He's not 1 yet. My grandmother at the age of 76 weighed 9 stone ... her choloestrol was 10.5. She ate incredibly well. It was passed on to her children, and all their children with the exception of my sister.

Due to some of the comments I will be deleting this post. Thankyou for all your help. I will be phoning the doctors in the morning, cooking with ds and I think I will set up a mediation meeting regarding it. Thankyou

Thankyou rookiemere