How would you handle this?

[arghhhhhhh]

One of my best friends messaged me this morning to say her dad passed away earlier on today. It's been quite sudden, he was taken ill on Thursday, became very ill and my friend said her goodbyes but then picked up Friday and it was assumed he would be ok.

Yesterday he took another bad turn and sadly died this morning.

I text her straight back with how sorry I was and to let me know if there was anything I could do. Also that I was thinking of her.

She text me back saying thank you and asked how I was coping with the heat - I'm pregnant and nearly ready to pop.

All day we have been messaging and I've really been trying to make her laugh - I've had a stressful weekend and got myself in a pickle which I won't go into on here but my friend has found it hilarious lol.

We are still messaging now but I'm going to go to bed soon and really don't know wether I should mention how sorry I am to hear about her dad again or not?

I don't want her to think that I'm not thinking of her - that's all I've done all day but I know my friend and I know she won't be sitting moping around all day etc.

I'll be seeing her in the morning at school and I really want to give her a massive hug then if I can but I don't know how to leave it tonight? Shall i mention it? Or just leave it?

I would mention it, yes.

"So sorry again, I'm going to bed now but will have my phone next to me if you need me throughout the night, sending you hugs and love"

If you're unsure about saying it again directly, maybe say something like "thinking of you today, you can give me a call any time and I'll be there" etc.

Yes I would mention it as you are ending the conversation. Something like "I'm going to have to go to bed now as I'm knackered, just wanted to say again how sorry I am for your loss, anything you need let me know even if it's just a hug or a talk or another laugh at my stupidly."

Yes I think so too, thank you.

This lady has been through so much heart ache it's unreal - she's lost so many people. Especially recently.

She will always do the same thing which is text me so I know what's happened but then she will never mention it again - all these have been immediate family members too. I never know wether to mention it or not as I don't want to say the wrong thing

I worry so much for her. I'll send her a night night message and will tell her I'm thinking of her

Definitely say something along the line of Halfblindbunny (sorry, no idea how to bold).

When my mum died last year it really meant a lot for folk to actually speak about it to me. A quick,going to bed but here if you need me, is fine.

Honestly I would call her to say this. My friend's dad died and she said she was gutted that nearly everyone had just texted her and not called to give their condolences.

People are often afraid to say the wrong thing following a death but on the whole people want to hear from those close to them and to know you care enough to call might help.

@butlerswharf I would of done but she hasn't told her dcs yet - she's got 3 and they are all very young - between 7 and 3. So I agree 100%, I said to dh should I ring but I thought best not too as I know the dcs will be with her and it might not be convenient to talk.

I've sent a message now saying I'm thinking of her and I'll see her in the morning. And asked her if she wants to come to mine for a coffee after school run

That’s a good idea.

I don’t know you or her but going forward I’d be cautious about ‘trying to make her laugh’ unless she explicitly wants that, it can come across a bit tone deaf and insulting if a friend is doing that when someone you love has just died. If she needs it then fair enough, I don’t know many people who would though. Not right now. Just remain aware of how she’s being with you, I think. And don’t overtry to be the joker to ‘keep her spirits up’.