Social services putting people of reporting DV?

[anitagreen]

I have a friend who was attacked by her partner of 10 years this weekend he broke her nose and fractured her cheek with one punch. He is apologising and very sorry both families are aware of the incident and it has been left now.
However they are parents mrs G wouldn't involve the police at all due to fear of being reported to social services and losing her children. She is aware that they don't just pluck kids overnight however she was afraid of the intrusion and what may come off it.
After speaking to other friends I was shocked to hear that some other women wouldn't also phone the police as they would fear SS involvement, how awful is this?.
So is this fear just unfounded and random or is there cases like this where children have been taken from a one off incident. Aware the topics not really Aibu. But I did think she was unreasonable for allowing him to get away with it.

Well, if they take children after 1 incident things have changed a lot in the last 15 years.
My DC was in a home where there was known DV for 6 years before she went into care. Lots of intervention, but chance after chance after chance.

SS absolutely should be aware and involved when children are in the home with domestic abuse. There is shed loads of evidence which proves how detrimental to their well being it is.

SS have no desire whatsoever to remove children but do want the children kept safe which means they will want them away from the perpetrator. SS and other agencies, including the Police will help and support but if the victim won’t even report the crime then they are already colluding with the perpetrator even if it is through misplaced fear.

Support your friend to make good choices for herself and her children.

It's awful but it's true that people don't report out of fear of social service involvement

I was one of those woman. My mum and ex convinced me if I ever reported him social services would get involved and take my babies. My mum came from care herself so I truly believed it would happen

As it happens, when I was finally brave enough to report it social services helped me get away from the area and got us a new home far far away from my ex.

You could and should make a call to children's social care yourself. Domestic violence harms women and children.

If it's one incident than usually there's no action taken however if the police visit multiple times due to DV they will get SS involved if there is children in the household.

I wouldn't call anyone on her behalf at all. I have known them many years and I do believe this is a one of incident so I will respect her wishes. I just think it's sad the amount of fear out there that makes women feel it's impossible to reach out for help

A punch hard enough to fracture nose and cheek is not a one off incident

I'm a survivor and my friend is very, very much a survivor of attempted murder by her son's Dad. This is INCREDIBLY true.

In her case though, social services just gave her an ultimatum - "Leave him or we'll take your kids"

@anitagreen You are enabling this behaviour. I know what I'm talking about. Men do NOT only hit their partner once

If you don't report this then you are as bad as he is......

Did your friend seek medical treatment?

Thanks for the replies guys he has never hit her before he doesn't drink much but this weekend he was paralytic so I do believe this contributed to him doing that. I have asked her numerous times if she's been hit before and she hasn't, no other marks on body old bruises etc. She doesn't want any involvement with police or SS now at all. I do believe her DM is a nurse and that's how she knows what breaks/fracture she has. I don't believe I am "as bad as him" by not reporting I'm simply respecting her wishes I have even asked if she wanted it done on her behalf she said no as she doesn't believe it would happen again it's been 10 years with just the one incident.

I fortunately have not been in this situation. But can imagine women fear this.

The issue is that parents have the responsibility to protect the children. SS wouldn’t take the children off their mom, it would be a case of The Mom leave with the kids (or dads depending on who is the victim).

In my job this would have to be reported to safeguarding, women (or men) have a choice whether to report DV but if children are involved it is very different as they are deemed unable to make a decision for themselves & deemed vulnerable

My neighbour is like this. It’s at the stage where us neighbours just call the police to report the incident ourselves if we know the children are in the house. She denies it or plays it down to them but there will be a clear log of how many times neighbours have got scared enough for the children due to hearing the incidents. She’s not long had another baby by him.

I would bet that even if he has only been physically violent once there will be other abuse going on.... emotional, financial, coercive control. Physical violence doesn't come from nowhere. I think you need to encourage your friend to seek support from somewhere like women's aid.

Surely she must have received medical card within assault like that?

Poor woman. One if or not - totally unacceptable

The first time I tried to tell someone about the abuse I was experiencing, a health professional told just to leave him as she would have to report me to SS if I was telling her that it was DV - it felt like a threat

Actually, when I did thankfully reach out again, SS were notified but it wasn't awful or scary at all. They didn't want to take my children away and certainly never made me feel like a bad parent. I was offered advice and support that was helpful at the time. Their main concern was whether I would let my ex back in the house as this would put the DC at risk of witnessing DV. And I understand now why it's absolutely right that SS do get involved in situations like this, it's to protect the children involved.

There's not much you can do OP if your friend won't report, just continue to be there for her These things rarely happen as one off incidents and you never really know what's going on in someone's life.