To ask ex to take annual leave

[Icklepickle101]

To look after our DS the day after I have a c section?

We split up when DS was quite young and I worked part time as neither of us could afford half of the full time nursery fees, but this obviously meant I earned less as a result but I love spending 2 days a week with him so it has worked fine. I’m pregnant and having a c section in the next 3 weeks and I want to ask ex to book 1 day of holiday to have DS on one of the days he doesn’t go to nursery so I can settle in at home and just take it easy. My DM thinks I’m mad and of course he won’t agree as this isn’t his baby so why should he inconvenience himself, AIBU?

When I had my second, I was induced. This was on a week when my ex had her. I just asked if he could have her an extra couple of days. He ended up having her an extra week as I was very poorly.
Why wouldn't you ask him? He may say no, and then you'll have to make other arrangements.

I don't see the problem with asking him to look after his own child. I'd possibly word it as you may still be in hospital rather than settling in at home though (unless you're on great terms) he doesn't need to know all of the details.

Can’t your current partner looking after your ds?

I suppose it depends on what your relationship with him is like. But I don't think YABU asking and why wouldn't he have his son. When I had my first DC I was in hospital 6 days, unplanned and on 3rd day moved to SCBU, my DH had to tell his EW he couldn't have his DC on the agreed contaxt time as we were waiting yo see the Drs. Even she who had been very very unreasonable throughout their separation was ok about this.

YANBU to ask. I’m sure he’d rather have the option to spend time with his son if he can get the day off. If he doesn’t or he can’t then make other arrangements. Perhaps your mum as she’s so snippy about you asking!

Would you have DS extra if ex was having a baby?

Well what would you do if this baby was his? Who would look after your son then? I think it's not massively unreasonable to ask him, but also he might not have annual leave to do so.

I wouldn't. Just because you wouldn't want your son to think you're pushing him out. Might be best to settle in at home as a family.

To look after DS whilst you worked in schools hols yes but not ok to expect him to be your labour childcare when the babies not his! I'm with your mum and think it's weird.

It is an interesting one as when a stepmum has a baby and her DP/DH asks the ex to have the steps more while she’s in labour or they’re settling in they’re told they’re being ridiculous and if it was their own older child they’d manage and you can’t exclude existing children in favour of a newborn, even if it’s their first.

I was going to pay for an additional day at nursery but then I was thinking I often have DS for ‘extra’ days if ex has something to do, but for some reason the fact it was for a new baby made me question if it was ok.

I absolutely want DS involved as much as possible but it’s likely I won’t be discharged until mid afternoon and I don’t really want him to see me in hospital as when I was admitted a few weeks ago it really upset him seeing me ‘poorly’. I’d much rather meeting his new siblings was a really lovely positive experience for him at in familiar envirmonet.

Depends entirely on your relationship with him.
If you get on really well and co parent well there is no harm asking him to have his son.
But if you're on bad terms and keep it civil then I wouldn't ask him.

Oh bless him.

Definitely ask your ex. Worst case is he says no and then you can plan something else

Thinking about it. I’d be a bit put out if ex and his girlfriend wanted me to be their ‘standby labour childcare’ for DS in case it was he middle of the night in which case it would involve disturbing him to bring him to my house as I wouldn’t feel comfortable looking after him at night at their house. If it was for planned induction/c section I’d be as accommodating as possible

If you get on well and you are flexible with ex then you should ask. I don't think it's unreasonable at all. If your ex likes being awkward I would save yourself the hassle but doesn't sound like that is the case.