To not want to babysit

[Poptart4]

I have 3 dc myself and am 6 months pregnant with my 4th. My sister has 1 child who i pick up from school twice a week and mind for an hour until she finishes work. She works 3 days a week. 2 early shifts and 1 late shift. I agreed to mind dn on the 2 days she works the early shifts because its only an hour. Our mam takes dn for the late shift.

The last couple of weeks my sister has taken on alot of holiday cover at work and has been working 4/5 days a week. Not finishing until 6pm. Our mother has been in and out of hospital the last few weeks so has been too sick to take dn meaning ive been minding her 4/5 full days a week for the last 3 weeks. Im not happy with this as im struggling with working part-time myself, looking after the 4 children and being pregnant in this heat. Also while i love my niece dearly she can be quite difficult and clashes with my son which means i spend most of my time playing referee. Also im abit pissed off that she took on all of this extra work without asking me if i would have her first.

She called today asking me to mind dn for 4 days this week and i said no. I told her im just too busy. Which i am. Theres loads of things i need to get done that i have been putting off but can't anymore. I also don't want her becoming dependent on me to mind dn full time. Shes hinted several times that she'd love to work full time if she could only get someone to mind dn.

She seems to think because i have to look after my own kids anyway i might as well have her child too. Especially as im due to go on maternity leave at the end of the summer, sure what else would i be doing,? I have no intentions of minding dn full time. I know its only one extra child but i just dont want to take on anyone else's children. I feel like i have enough on my plate.

She wasn't happy when i said no today and said she'd lose out on work because of me. Im not unsympathetic but i had to stay at home for years because there was no one to mind my children. I can only work now because dh got a job which allows me to work in the mornings as hes home. Alot of parents have to sacrifice their working life when they have kids.

AIBU to not mind dn simply because i just dont want to?

So not to drip feed, she doesn't pay me any thing and has never offered to pay me. Although thats not really a problem as i wouldn't feel right taking money for minding a family member. And she is with dn father but he works full time so can't help with daycare.

If she's that bothered about missing out on overtime she can look for a child minder pronto. She's just a user who expects something for nothing. I'd tell her that for every three times you have watched DN in the past you expect one evening of free babysitting for your three.

Course YANBU! It’s an extra child and it’s not your child so they’re not your responsibility! You might choose to work ft and get the benefits that brings if you had someone to look after your kids for free.

She’s been taking the piss and you’re right to have put your foot down.

The way you and DH organise your lives is for the good of the two of you and your children. No one else.

I hope your mum is better soon and your pregnancy goes well. Eventually it’ll stop being so hot! You need to focus on your children and yourself. That’s not selfish, that’s sensible and responsible.

You are not unreasonable at all and have been kind enough to have helped your DSis out two days a week. She, on the other hand, is a CF and will have to do what other people do and pay for childcare.

Don't let her bully you to change your mind. I would have thought that with three DC and one on the way, you have enough to cope with.

Well done for saying no.

It doesn't sound like she has any respect for you if she adds hours and doesn't even speak to you about it.
She should be more considerate given that you have your own and are pregnant with one more.
I think you did the right thing saying no.
Helping family when you can is one thing, just being expected to help is another.
Good luck with your pregnancy. X

Well she can work full time if she pays for after school care like everyone else.

You are definitely not being unreasonable.

You are right to refuse. As you say, you had to sacrifice your own working life to mind your kids. It's not your responsibility to mind hers, so she can make money at your expense.
Looking after someone else's child changes the dynamic of your household - it is extra work and she is totally taking you for granted in taking on more hours and just assuming you will cover childcare.
I really dislike this attitude towards women who are at home - that they have nothing better to do than mind other peoples kids.

Also, I knew a womsn who was in your situation wrt looking after her sister's child. Her husband came to really resent it as he felt that he never got to just be with his own family and all trips/holidays had to be planned around someone else's work.

Tell her to use after school care/child minder.

I was also going to ask whether the school provides any after school care?

She can work fulltime if she wants, she just has to pay for a childminder like everyone else.

Yanbu. Tell her to sort out a childminder, and not rely on you for more than a couple of days a week, and that you won't be able to cope with dn once your baby is born, and are frankly getting too tired at the moment, what with kids and pregnancy and work, and not to go asking your mother either.

she'd lose out on work because of me

No, she will lose out because she doesn't want to PAY anyone to mind her DC because she wants to keep ALL of her earnings.

She is a user. You stay home to look after your DC. You don't stay home so everyone else can use you as free childcare.

YANBU.

She's lost out on work because she doesn't have a childminder...that's her problem. Not yours.

You are definitely nbu. I agree with you about nipping it in the bud, before she gets used to it.

YANBU - I can’t imagine having another on top of being pregnant! She should be helping you!!!

I think 2 days is more than enough, OP.

Thanks for all replies, some of you have made really good points. She never minds my kids, ever.

My dh does get fed up sometimes as he think shes taking advantage and he's brought up the fact she doesn't pay me afew times. We've argued about this.

I will suggest she gets dn into an after school. There is a really good one that would keep dn until 6, give her dinner and take her during all school holidays. She'll just have to pay for it which i think she's trying to avoid. Im going to tell her i wont be watching dn once baby is born. At least for afew months until i adjust to the new baby.

I just want to point out that i do love my sister and niece and its not easy to turn them away so to speak.

It sounds like your DH is looking out for you and your DC by trying to make sure you don’t take on too much when you already have loads to juggle, you’re pregnant and your DN winds your son up in his own home. He’s sticking up for you, don’t argue with him about it!

She’s taking extreme liberties with your time and energy, she’s not grateful, she’s pushing her luck, she’s not respecting your right to refuse and she’s making plans which only benefit her (extra money!) that rely on you doing unpaid childcare without prior agreement.

YANBU!
But you need to put you and your family first OP and your ds is just taking advantage of your good nature.