It takes a village - playground question

[InsideOutRainbows]

I look after a friend's three children each Saturday whilst she does a course - 8 weeks, 14 months and 3 years. They are all pretty good so it's usually easy, but I have started to find that when we are in the park other parents will often expect me to watch their children on high objects / climbing up objects with out asking - more of an expectation.

For instance, yesterday, I had the baby in the sling, the toddler was happily playing under the climbing frame and the three year old was up and over the climbing frame, wanting a hand jumping off, running back up to climb again. There was this little boy who as about 15 - 18 months and he was way too young but still trying to go up the climbing frame - the mother just say watching him / me keep lifting him off it because I physically couldn't watch him failing at climbing it and keep an eye on the three year old who definitely was too high to "jump" without being caught.

WDYD in these situations? We ended up going to feed the ducks which wasn't ideal but I felt I couldn't be responsible for someone else's child!

As a childminder this used to happen all the time, my mentality was the this child's parents aren't paying me so no.
I wouldn't help a child into something or up as I wouldn't know how capable they were.
I'd always try to catch a falling child but they'd be delivered back to Mum and I wouldn't be near them again. Not my responsibility.

If he was failing at climbing, then he'd reached his limit. Unless he was in danger, I'd leave him be.

Parents have to risk assess, and some parents don't and are neglectful, some parents do and get it wrong, other parents do and get it right. You're aiming for the third option, you might sometimes get the second option, you never go in the first option.

Which one did you think it was OP?

I definitely saw kids climbing onto equipment today where, had they fallen, they would have really injured themselves. Most seemed old enough not to fall off, but some were definitely borderline. It's insane to suggest that, if your small toddler can get up, they're probably safe at the danger end of a four foot drop. Bonkers.

Yabu and I'd be cross and telling you to leave my child alone.

Stopping a child from having an accident, yes...I would do the same.

Lifting them off something you don't like watching them failing at is silly.

You're in charge of 3 kids. There's not much more you can do, really.

I would have stopped helping him after the first time as you had enough to do and he’s not your responsibility. BUT having said that I hate seeing kids in dangerous situations and their parents sitting back ignoring it.
For those saying if a toddler can climb onto something then it’s probably safe, I say you might sound like a bit of a twat repeating that in A&E.

I'm not really having a go because you're so lovely for looking after someone else's the kids, but seriously, leave other people's kids to it. A man once helped my daughter downb from a climbing frame (caught her when she jumped) when I was intentionally making her go down the other way that actually takes some physical effort! I was a bit annoyed, especially since he made a big deal about 'helping other people's children' afterwards. If you're genuinely worried or the parent hasn't noticed, you can tell the parent.

*Unlikely, the way you build the self judgement of risk is to expose them to the risk in a controlled relatively safe environment, which is what a play-park is. That means you don't help them get to places they don't need to be, you don't help them jump down what would not be a safe jump if you weren't there - being there to give them confidence of the safe jump is good. Lifting them to a position where they cannot then safely jump without your help is not, nor is always being there as a safety net when they can get themselves places.

It is very unlikely that the child could get themselves into a position where it was seriously unsafe by themselves, that's actually how playground equipment is designed. No they are not completely without risk, but the number of injuries, particularly the number of injuries which are life changing are really rare, and almost certainly one of those things where not giving them the fitness and risk judging experiences will be the higher risk*

Oh yes, this, this and this. Couldn't have worded it better myself. So if my toddler would have been climbing through a net thingie and fallen it would have been from a low height and he would have gotten fed up pretty quickly. If he was insistent I just would have distracted him with something else but I wouldn't help him on something he had repeatedly fallen off, I just wouldn't allow him on it and distract with something else

I wish the play equipment in every park ive seen was designed so that a child that can climb it will be safe! Unfortunately my 2yo can easily climb most play equipment but has no concept that it isn’t safe to swing from the bars of a 6ft fireman’s pole, or monkey bars so she certainly needs constant supervision. The ones who can’t get on to it just aren’t great at climbing, there’s no link to the age at which they can safely use the equipment!

Honestly don’t feel anyone is having a go! Just brilliant to get some responses with different opinions.

The other week we had an emergency “wee wee” with the older one. I knew the toddler would kick off if I left them but a wonderful lady offered to hold the baby for me whilst we went (and all got wee’d on...). She then went through a toddler melt down and I had her three / four year old and six year old playing with us.

We also have been through the eldest running around with another old child (nursery friend) and that Dad casually told me he was cool being the monster but could I keep an eye on the little one in the sandpit.

I dunno. It just felt different yesterday.

This child couldn’t get onto the platform. They were getting their neck/ arms / legs caught in the netting... that’s when I was lifting them down. They were maybe getting one / two cargo squares up (maybe two feet?) and then hanging through. So perspective on risk is good - thank you.

I used to supervise my children properly, in the park or at soft play etc and ended up doing the kind of thing you’re doing. Now, if I see a parent genuinely dealing with another child, or an issue etc I’ll help but now I’ll just ignore (as hard as it is to do) or say I think this child needs help. Otherwise they just sit on their phones and it’s not fair.

If a child can't get up themselves, they are too little to be on it unless their adult is helping and supervising at all times. Do not interfere with this.

Not a saint (she’s the bloody saint for studying on zero sleep!)

Well then, both of you are awesome, OP. Seriously, it's very kind of you!

@thatjoughtfox the toddler was hanging from their arm neck / leg at times... just walk?

Other people probably aren't expecting you to watch their children at the park. Sorry to say it, but agree with other posters that you are probably just interfering.
I am quite hands off and I leave my dc to climb by themselves. I always watch them, but I deliberately leave them because I want to foster their independence. I'm not lazy or innatentive, it's a deliberate choice I have made. I've often had other parents take it upon themselves to 'help' my child by pushing them on the swing or holding their hand down the ladder. It drives me bonkers! If DC need my help, they will ask. If I see them in danger, I'll rush to help them. The helicopter parenting in parks drives me crazy.

You are amazing for looking after your friend's children though!

fuzzyfozzy has it right. Return the child to the irresponsible parent. Some parents are incredibly stupid and annoying.

Mine was climbing cargo nets at 18 months, was there myself ready to catch him when he was learning at 15 months though.