. . . to still be upset about this?

[NotSureWhyItBothersMe]

NC as I don't want to connect it to my other posts; I feel I'm being a bit stupid and ungrateful.

I think I might have been neglected as a child, and it may be why I've always been insecure and lacking in self-esteem . . . but also incredibly selfish and self-absorbed, feeling I have to put myself first because no-one else will.

I don't think my mum looked after me very well. It might have been because my dad left for about a year and she didn't cope very well. To give some examples, I never had clean clothes or clean underwear - I remember wearing the same knickers for days to primary school because I didn't have any clean ones, and wasn't old enough to really figure out how to wash and dry them myself. I also remember that the underwear I had was really raggedy and full of holes.

I also have memories of wearing woolly tights with my school uniform that were incredibly uncomfortable because they were much too small, so the crotch was sitting lower than it should have been.

It's hard to articulate but I felt very lonely and as if I had to fend for myself.

For some reason, I now feel very resentful towards my mum as she is a doting grandmother to my sister's little boy. Nothing is too much effort, she makes sure he has the best of everything.

It's mad, isn't it? I'm almost forty and I still feel disturbed and upset by trivial things that happened many many years ago. I need to get a grip, don't I? I just can't seem to push the memories and negative feelings away for very long.

How are you doing?

Oh my goodness you're all so lovely. I really expected to be scorned and told to stop feeling sorry for myself, especially since I posted on AIBU! I thought it would give me a shock and snap me out of it. Instead I've had lovely warm replies - although it's very sad that so many others have felt neglected or let down by parents. Thank you all so much for your advice and kind words and I'm sorry so many of us have felt this pain and confusion. I'm going to research the things that have been suggested - codependency, inner child etc. - and really work on having a more positive outlook, and try to look forward instead of back.

This has really helped, but not in the way I expected! Thank you again.

Some of the cliched things really help. Gratitude is a big one. Writing down 3 or so things to be grateful for every day in a nice book. Even if that is I have internet access, coffee and nice bed linen etc. More than alot of people across the world have right now. I found that helped me to get some perspective, I don't need to do those things anymore because my outlook has gradually evolved over time. It's hard to start with and you'll be tested when familiar things arise and you have old reactions. But as a pp has said, when you shed alot of the baggage the things that used to bother you just kind of vaporise.

There are alot of good free resources online. Just be prepared to become fascinated by it for quite a while. I found that once I had identified what the issues were the rest sort of followed naturally. And when you realise you are a normal human. None of this stuff is abnormal. The fact you recognise it is excellent. It means you can do something about it.

It's also about feeling the emotions. And just watching them. So if you feel resentful accept that. It's passing, emotions are not facts.

As someone else said, you didn't create the crappy childhood but you choose how to react to that now. As an adult.

The inner child comment was also very good.

I hope this starts a very rewarding journey for you, OP. Good luck.