that a woman stacking shelves in Iceland would make a point of getting my 3 year old to look at her because she happens to be called Maddy

[YesShesCalledMadeleine]

this is just ridiculous

we were walking past her, she was stocking shelves, she actually stood in our way barring our pat so that she could get a good look at my child who was happily skipping along and calling me mummy

I am finding this wholly intrusive

my brunette, dark-skinned, dark-eyed child

Well, no harm done I suppose.

wtf?!

i'd be !

How bizarre and over the top.

Ridiculous is about the only way to describe it.

Must have been very intrusive.

It wouldnt bother me at all.

Better to be safe than sorry. Dont let it get to you.

It's a bit ridiculous really. You'd hardly go to the trouble of of dying her hair and skin as a disguise and then call her 'Maddy' if you were a kidnapper

I actually think it would get to you if someone stood in your path and started grabbing your child's attention away from you in a shop you have been going in for years. I think it would bother you actually, and possibly rather a lot

I'd have said something nasty to the woman, myself. "leave MY DAUGHTER alone you dozy twat" wopuld have been the least of it. In the hope of kick-starting her addled brain.

If she was blonde and pale I'd say YABU but as she's dark skinned, thats going a bit over the top - I know maddy has to be found but everyone needs to be sensible!

Well, I think it woulnt .

when dd1 was little, a shop assistant quizzed her about whether I was really her mum and whether she was ok - I was absolutely livid.

Seriously and I don't blame you in the slightest for being upset.

Rationally, I knew at the time that if she wasn't my daughter, then the shop assistant was doing a very brave and correct thing, but she was my daughter ffs and no jumped up shoe-selling teenager was going to question that.

grr

Well, I wouldnt have a problem with it, only that your child was completely a different colouring and tbh if you kidnapped a child you wouldnt call it by it by name in public surely.

Yes but don't forget, when Jamie Bulger was kidnapped lots of people saw him being taken, and were suspicious, but nobody did anything 'in case they were wrong'.

I'm sure people doing this, although over the top, have good intentions so it wouldn't make me angry, personally.

We've had the same on several occasions, and mine is 9 not 4 FFS. Never mind, at least people are keeping an eye out, I suppose. I can't help feeling they're looking in the wrong country, though.

A bit mad I agree but well-intentioned.

My mum was stopped in a garden centre the other day by an old woman who told her that she should be really careful no-one stole 'that pretty little boy'. I probably would have smiled and thought she was a nutter. Mum got quite upset and now won't let him out of her sight for a moment.

Wouldn't bother me either. I think the point about Jamie Bulger is pertinent. Lots of ppple saw him being dragged to the railway line and one woman even stopped and asked the 2 boys what they were up to. The Blake Morrison book on the case is outstanding.

No harm done surely?

(she said vainly hoping this didn't turn into another ranty McCann thread)

I think this is happening a lot. I have seen a few threads on here from people who have had their DD's "inspected" and it happened to a friend of mine.

I think it's a good thing it is in peoples consciousness but it seems it is going a bit too far. The likelihood of the kidnapper/s taking her to a supermarket or park or other very public place in this country is remote and I can understand why you felt it was intrusive.

Bit of a difference between intervening when you think there's something wrong (crying child being dragged along or shouting I HATE YOU I WANT MY MUMMY - the latter happened to an old work colleague of mine when he refused to buy his DD an expensive doll - he had to show the store manager the family photo in his wallet to demonstrate that he was actually her dad..) and pesetering a perfectly happy child, who looks nothing like a newsworthy missing child anyway but happens to have the same name.
The one is potentially embarssaing but potentially life-saving, the other is just twatty show-off behaviour - "look! Look how much I CARE!"

I guess the lady didn't analyse it that much and just sort of 'checked'. Bit crass to judge her motives in terms of displays of one-upmanship of 'caring'. May well have been a knee-jerk - for which the media are to blame, I grant you.

Still don't see the harm - on balance.

as the mum of a blonde madeline, i have found lots of people to stare at her if i call her by her name in public, tbh I've stopped calling her by her name now as i found it quite odd.

There's a difference between having a covert look and being outright rude. I'd've given the shelf-stacker/shop assistant a wee bit of verbal for that.

Agnes

@quadrophenia
How awful, to feel that you can't call your daughter's name in public.

Of course, it is important that people are observant but surely it is going too far when the mother of a brunette dark-skinned child is looked at suspiciously.

my 3 year old is a madeline as well and I have had a few people look at her she is very blonde and have very blue eyes and it does make you feel uncomfortable as a parent, but the other part of me thinks I would want them to look at every child if one of mine went missing and its good to know that even in France it is in the news

When my ds was about 3.5, we were in a shopping centre close to closing time. I knew there was a toilet at the back of one of the dept stores, and as he was busting we dashed in. By the time of our exit, the shop was shut, and the staff were milling about the exits waiting to leave. Meanwhile my ds started a tantrum. I don't know where it came from but he started screaming at me "get off, you're not my mummy, I want my mummy, I want my daddy, leave me alone" etc etc. His tantrum was so bad I had to scoop him up, but he was fighting and thrashing all the way through the shop, past all the staff and through the exit. At the time I was extremely embarrassed, and so just tried to hurry out with him.

When we finally reached fresh air, he snapped out of it. But then it occured to me that not one of the staff, possibly about 10 of them in total, intervened in the situation. Here we had a woman half-dragging, half-carrying a frightened child out of a store who was screaming that this was not his mother.

He had been screaming all the right things if, god forbid, he is ever snatched. Yet not one person came to his assistance. What more can a child do to get attention from bystanders? I was very saddened by what I witnessed that day. I wouldn't have minded being stopped to explain the situation. Let's face it most tantrums stop after a few minutes, and most of us carry pictures in our purses, so I could easily have explained things. Maybe we should all be a little bit more interferring.