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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be so pissed off?

12 replies

newbie23 · 30/06/2018 23:57

Hi all,

First time posting on AIBU but in need of some advice. Sorry in advance if long-winded.

DP and I have just had a new DS2 who is now 4 weeks old. He was 5 weeks premature, has had a few health issues and may have to have an operation before he's one, so it hasn't been the easiest of times. I'm BF and DP works away, had to return to work 2 weeks after baby born and before we'd got the all clear to leave hospital.

We also have a DS1(4) and a DD(15months) who is a bit of a handful to say the least. DP only home at weekends so basically everything has fallen to me. I'm obviously off on maternity so was expecting this but everything has been a bit chaotic and I'm feeling a frazzled.

We are staying with family this weekend (in the same city where DP works) and I had DD and DS2 in room with me. In the middle of the night (Friday) DD vomited and has since developed a fever which is being monitored etc etc. We have been up from 5am with DD napping throughout day and BF DS2 pretty much constantly due to hot weather. So I'm shattered.

This brings me to my AIBU.

DP contract is finished and his company are having a dinner tonight. DP has gone and will be staying in the houseshare he stays in mon-fri when working away and I have been left here with the kids.

DS1 has gone to sleep in another room but I have DS2 and DD here with me. Im peeved DP went to his work do and didn't consider staying with us. I wouldn't even have minded him going for an hour or at least coming back to stay here so I'd have a hand in the morning. DS2 has bad reflux and can't be out down after a feed for about 45 minutes and DD is still.up and down needing medicine/cuddles/drinks etc. On top of it all DS1 will probably waken at 6.30 as usual.

AIBU to be annoyed? I understand DP works hard and deserves to have a night off. But I feel that circumstances were a bit different this eve and he should have been here with me. I don't know if I'm overacting with post baby hormones and sleep deprivation.

To be clear as well we're staying with my Grandmother so she isn't able to help much with little ones.

Any advice would be much appreciated

OP posts:

Louiselouie0890 · 01/07/2018 00:02

Poorly kids, newborn too. I wouldn't go myself so I would expect my partner the same. At the absolute minimum come home. Yanbu.

SleepingStandingUp · 01/07/2018 00:05

Yanbu, he could have goods for an hour and explained - anyone at quite ego judged him floor coming back to you would clearly be an idiot

Notcontent · 01/07/2018 00:08

Poor you. I think if he really wanted to go, he should have gone for an hour or two and then come back to help out.

Chickychoccyegg · 01/07/2018 00:12

what a shame, you must be exhausted!
I would annoyed too, completely selfish behaviour from your dp, clearly he thinks he only has a commitment to you and his kids at the weekend and can please himself during the week.
I would be having a very serious talk about expectations going forward, he most definitely should have been staying with you and his children tonight to help out, considering he usually only gets to see you all at the weekend he really should have been jumping at the chance to spend time with you all, especially as ds2 is still tiny and dd is ill xx

Leeds2 · 01/07/2018 00:26

I would've been beyond livid! So no, YANBU.

Hisnamesblaine · 01/07/2018 00:37

Yanbu. I'm sure your exhausted. Bad form on his behalf

WaterOffaDucksCrack · 01/07/2018 00:39

How much does he actually feature in his children's lives? Bottom line is if he cared about your physical and emotional wellbeing he woild have stayed. Sounds like another father who gets to opt out of any aspect of parenting he chooses. Will you be going back to work after maternity leave? I'd strongly advise you too as I'm willing to bet this won't be a one off.

Original poster

newbie23 · 01/07/2018 01:17

Thanks ladies, I'm glad to know I'm not over reacting. He's normally brilliant so it's completely out of character and I thought maybe I was being narky. DD already woken up and currently trying to pacify DS2, it's going to be a long night ahead 😑

OP posts:

Marriedwithchildren5 · 01/07/2018 01:36

I always wonder why no one actually says to dh/p?? I get my dh would think he's going out but after a quick chat he wouldn't be. Why should he? You've given birth. Still recovering. He's not that brilliant to be fair.

Missbrick1 · 01/07/2018 03:29

Absolutely no way my DH would have considered this & I would have told him in no uncertain terms that it’s unacceptable if he had.

Littlelambpeep · 01/07/2018 03:34

He is selfish. I don't see how is is brilliant, to be honest. Dh would not have done this. You have a massive amount on your plate.

Bumpitybumper · 01/07/2018 04:56

YANBU

I would not enable him to go, not even for an hour. Before anyone suggests I'm controlling, isn't it far more controlling for OP's DP to abdicate complete responsibility for his kids and effectively force OP into such a horrible and difficult position? That's the problem isn't it, he's exercises his CHOICE to go out on a jolly but has therefore left you with no choice but to pick up the parenting slack. In these circumstances this is comply unacceptable and I wouldn't be having any of if.

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