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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to not make a fuss about my son's 1st birthday?

28 replies

Icantthinkofanything · 30/06/2018 22:08

Its my son's first birthday soon and usually everyone makes a huge fuss (day out somewhere then back home for BBQ, party, bouncy castle, cake, decorations, invite the whole family ECT which involves about 30 kids) with my other kids ive struggled and saved for about 6months to afford it and I just didn't want to this time.
It will be the first thing I've planned since being in a DV relationship, I just don't want the hassle of everyone round, especially my ex's family. I can't really afford it anyway after being left in thousands of pounds in debt and paying that off the last year. I've stopped working due to uni.
Now I'm getting phone calls/texts asking when the party is baring in mind the only person who actually sees my children regually is my mum.
I've bought him one present, there's only 13months between my kids so they share toys anyway. I'm making a cake and that's it. Maybe farm as it's free. But now I'm feeling really bad :/
Anyone else not make a fuss over birthdays? Espeically as it's his 1st one :(

OP posts:

Rachie1973 · 30/06/2018 22:09

Lord no. I never quite get the fuss myself.

Do it your way, it sounds great :)

Discotits · 30/06/2018 22:09

I don’t make any fuss until they are 3, then it’s a birthday tea with granny and a couple of cousins.
YANBU.

NotExactlyHappyToHelp · 30/06/2018 22:11

He’s going to have a day surrounded by the people that love him most in the whole world eating cake and having fun. Sounds like the best possible day to me!

Walkerbean16 · 30/06/2018 22:11

Not at all, go to the farm, he will enjoy that way more than having loads of people round.

I also did big parties for my first two then had a lot of relationship issues just before my DDs 1st birthday, we just had grandparents and one set of close friends round for a BBQ and cake.

ineedwine99 · 30/06/2018 22:12

We did sod all other than cards and presents. No family gathering etc, just took birthday cake to Nursery for after lunch

user1493413286 · 30/06/2018 22:13

Do what you want for your son; you don’t have to do anything for anyone else which is what they all seem to want.
I think a cake and a bit of a fuss of your son from you and your other kids and mum is lovely. 1st birthdays are more for the parents anyway really.

LankinMcElf · 30/06/2018 22:13

You could find a middle ground here. I really don’t think you need to supply 30 kids with a bouncy castle and BBQ. You can make the day special for him in little ways. The cake, pressies, doing something he likes. Let him know it’s his birthday, he’s only 1 so a little goes a long way!

Halfblindbunny · 30/06/2018 22:13

Both of my two had a very low key 1st birthday. We opened presents at home just the 3/4 of us in the morning then went to the local farm to look at the animals, then to Grandma's house for a picky tea and a bit of birthday cake.

Singlenotsingle · 30/06/2018 22:14

He won't understand what it's all about and he won't remember. These toddler parties are really for the benefit of the grown ups.

MyWaterButtIsEmpty · 30/06/2018 22:14

There was a ton of snow on the ground for my son's first birthday so we did sod all. He got chocolate cake for breakfast, he was as happy as Larry.

It would be madness to spend money you don't have on a fuss you don't want for a child who won't notice to placate people you don't see.

Justneedsomeinfo · 30/06/2018 22:16

I've always done a little tea party at home with family visiting throughout the day. Had a buffet and cake. Didn't bother with party games or anything. My DC are 5 and 3.

DailyMailFail101 · 30/06/2018 22:18

Bouncy castle for a one year old? I think it’s fine to have a nice free family day out at the farm with a cake, there’s no point going into debt or struggling to save up for a one year olds party, your child will never remember it and at the end of the day all they want is a day with their Mum.

LordNibbler · 30/06/2018 22:18

Please don't feel bad. He's one and he won't know any difference.
This is your new start and time to do things the way you'd like to do them.
Be happy, you don't have to please anyone but yourself and your children now. Have a nice simple day with them and your mum.

Wifeincognito · 30/06/2018 22:20

First birthdays are really about the parents, as the kids won't remember any of it anyways. Farm sounds lovely

YoucancallmeVal · 30/06/2018 22:23

I did nothing big at all for dd's 1st. Or 2nd, 3rd... for her first she had a cup cake with a candle, a few presents and I took her to feed the ducks, which was, at that time, her most favourite thing ever. After she'd gone to bed I drank too much and toasted the fact id kept her alive for a whole year and survived pnd. First birthdays are your day, do whatever YOU want.

seventhgonickname · 30/06/2018 22:25

I think we went to mil house.She made a cake and DD tried to set herself alight with the candle.I didnt get her any pressies and there is a picture of her walking down the garden path.They dont remember we did this because mil was 150miles away and because it was important for her to have DD visit on her birthday.
Pre school was the first party we had.

CoodleMoodle · 30/06/2018 22:27

Go to the farm! We (DH, DM, DSF) took DD out to the pub for lunch on her first birthday, then went back to ours to open a few presents and have some cake. Then a couple of days later we did the same with PIL.

DD was just happy to be involved - it was definitely more for us than her!

Shufflebumnessie · 30/06/2018 22:28

Both of ours had extremely low key 1st birthdays. For DS 1st birthday we'd planned to have the grandparents over for dinner and cake. That didn't go to plan as my MiL ended up having an emergency triple heart bypass as few days before his birthday, DS came down with an awful bug (the photos of him on his birthday make me sad as he looks so poorly) & DH got told (on DS actual birthday & completely out of the blue) that he was being made redundant!! Present wise, we got him a ball that cost about £3 - he loved it!!

For DD first birthday, again we'd planned for the grandparent to come over but due to the snow no one came. We just stayed at home, had take out pizza and ate cake. Presents were toys from the loft that DS had outgrown!

For DD I did put up banners and balloons but that was for the benefit of DS (who was 5) and super excited that his baby sister was turning 1!

What you have planned sounds lovely. Have a lovely day.

SheepyFun · 30/06/2018 22:32

Not sure we got DD a present for her first birthday (really can't remember), and as she was in no sense weaned at that point, I wasn't going to make a cake she couldn't eat! Other family sent presents, but that was the extent of celebrations. There are many things I wish I did better/had done differently as a parent, but that isn't one of them.

SaltyPeanut · 30/06/2018 22:36

YANBU.

You can't afford it without saving up, you don't sound like you need the hassle and the little ones won't remember if they had a party or not. Any children who would be guests won't remember either so what's the point. Your idea for the day sounds nice, no need do stuff to impress other adults.

Anybody who is not you has bugger all to say on the matter.

ErrolTheDragon · 30/06/2018 22:36

Of course YANBU. Have a lovely day with your DC (and maybe your mum) . Honestly, I don't believe 1yos understand about birthdays and certainly won't remember. I'm inclined to think the first birthday should be mostly about celebrating the fantastic thing the mother did a year before so it should be what you want.

CherryPavlova · 30/06/2018 22:41

Your little one would prefer not to have a massive family fiesta but would undoubtedly prefer a much quieter and calmer birthday. Definitely give the fuss a miss.

LittleCandle · 30/06/2018 22:42

I had an operation on DD2's first birthday. She survived quite happily.

Sashkin · 30/06/2018 22:46

When you said not making a fuss, I thought you meant literally not marking it. Some mums I know have done that (not for financial reasons) and I thought they were slight killjoys.

But what you are suggesting is exactly what we did for DS, and I thought we were having a lovely family party! Didn’t occur to me to do anything more. We enjoyed it, he enjoyed it, we took photos of him with his cake and candle, what more could you want?

MadScientist10 · 30/06/2018 22:51

YANBU! I like your suggestion of a 1st birthday! Both your DC will love the farm.
My LO also just turned 1. We took him to the park, let his big brother help him open his 2 presents and let him taste some chocolate cake. Similarly with our first DS we took him to a childrens museum and let him have a taste of cake and open his couple of presents. No big drama when they’re only 1. They don’t really understand what’s happening and are happier with a calm atmosphere in my experience anyway!

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