Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To let dd quit swimming club or not

20 replies

ThreeIsACharm · 30/06/2018 19:13

More of a WWYD than AIBU

My dd 9 has dropped all her clubs bar one, swimming.
She has tried lots of clubs. Once she stops enjoying it she can stop or find something else.
Clubs ranged from; brownies, swimming , gymnastics and she tested the water with dancing and drama for a few month and didn't like either.
She is always saying she hates swimming and it's boring. And if that was the case that is fine.
But when she coming out of class she is always so excited and happy about what she did. And says how much she loves swimming.
The last time she left super excited saying
" did you see me I picked up the thing (weight) from the bottom of the pool. "
She always seems to have so much fun when she is there.
I am torn between it's up to her and if she wants to give up fine but then I see the joy she gets after the class of what she has done.
She can be lazy so I am worried if she gives up her only class she will miss is and then have to rejoin and work up the classes again.
WWYD Please?

OP posts:

MissCharleyP · 30/06/2018 19:25

I was a bit like your DD. The only thing that my parent made me do was swimming (neither of them can swim and they wanted me and DB to learn so we could join in with friends and on holiday). I gave up everything as my swimming clashed with a dancing class (I’d done both since the age of 5), they’d originally been on different days but as I moved up levels in swimming the days moved. I’m glad I can swim but I really wish I’d stuck with dancing once I’d mastered how to swim competently. I think she’s old enough to decide for herself and it won’t take long for her to start swimming again if she gives up and wants to pick it up again. Maybe ask her why she wants to give up when she seems to enjoy it afterwards.

Halfblindbunny · 30/06/2018 19:28

DS was like this, hated going to Karate and said he wanted to quit but when he was there he loved it. Turns out the reason he always said he didn't want to go was because he wanted to spend the time in the Xbox/his phone instead. So I said if he stopped going then the two hours he would be there would be spent helping me around the house/homework etc not playing Xbox. He soon changed his mind about quitting.

MissCharleyP · 30/06/2018 19:28

To add - it can become boring. Once I’d got my distance awards (from 5-800m) and water skills (swimming in pyjamas, diving for bricks, treading water) and diving skills awards all that was left was to swim 800m in 25 minutes so every lesson was just me doing lengths - I got bored and gave up but had left it too late to re-start dancing.

Halfblindbunny · 30/06/2018 19:29

If she is finding swimming lengths boring would she like to do Rookie Lifeguards instead?

LadyPeacock · 30/06/2018 19:37

I expect others will have different opinions, but I would say encourage her to stick at something. Is she not currently learning that when something isn't instantly gratifying you don't bother with it?

Original poster

ThreeIsACharm · 30/06/2018 20:24

Thank you everyone for your thoughts
Halfblindbunny I keep thinking she feels like she is missing out on tv/ tablet time and that is why she doesn't want to go. Because she genuinely loves going after she comes put it's just I feel like a pushy parent getting her there.

LadyPeacock all the club's have been over a 4 year period but I am still worried she is getting the idea if something is too hard or boring then you can just quit.

It's so hard to find the balance of she to push them and when to let them make their own mind up.

OP posts:

KittyVonCatsworth · 30/06/2018 20:38

I’m afraid I was a pushy mum (a lot of years ago). My daughter did ballet, piano, hockey and swimming. I let her drop ballet as she really took after me when it came to grace (bambi on ice) but made her persevere with piano because she was good at it, hockey because it was a physical activity and swimming because it’s a life skill. Although she hated me at times for it I think it instilled an ethos of not quitting when it gets tough. She’s more grateful now because she can do party pieces on a piano and she’s very active.

My DSD was/is an incredibly talented girl when it comes to sports but as soon as it got competitive she gave up and was allowed to. She’s just as defeatist now; hands out a few CVs, doesn’t hear back and just goes ‘fuck it, what’s the point’.

I do think kids do need a wee bit of jimmying along as they get bored easily but I think it’s important to make them persevere at things. Obviously if she’s coming out of her lessons bawling and seriously distressed you need to reconsider x

Gizlotsmum · 30/06/2018 20:40

My dd quit swimming last year, she has gone back this year as she missed it. I put her back in the level she had just finished before she left and she is fine. She is 10 now

Thesearepearls · 30/06/2018 20:43

There are times when parents just have to push the kids through it

For me I was absolutely relentless about swimming. DD had a tantrum every week for a couple of years but I just went through it and took her there. It was fine in the end - DD is a super swimmer - got every badge going and then went on to swim competitively.

She's a monkey. Keep going OP.

RedSkyLastNight · 30/06/2018 20:44

Is it swimming club or swimming lessons?

if swimming lessons, then I think swimming is an important skill and she shouldn't be allowed to quit until she's reached a certain standard (which I guess is up to you to set).

I have sympathy if it's swimming club. My DD said to me one day that she loved swimming, but constantly swimming length after length with the emphasis on strokes being perfect and getting faster was boring her to tears. And that she didn't want to swim competitively so what was the point? We dropped swimming club and started swimming more as a family which she enjoyed far more - maybe that's the answer for you?

Original poster

ThreeIsACharm · 30/06/2018 20:54

It's swimming lessons.
She can swim and is now at the stage of learning new strokes/ technique.

The fact she comes out beaming with pride each time is enough to keep me pushing her. It that happiness stops then I will rethink.
Thank you so much everyone for posting and helping

OP posts:

dontquotem3 · 30/06/2018 21:28

I wish I hadn’t allowed my DD2 to quit swimming or at least made her stay until she had reached a certain level. DS1 started a couple of years ago, on stage 6 now. I have no intention of allowing him to quit in the near future. Maybe compromise with your DD once she reaches a certain level?

BradleyPooper · 30/06/2018 21:32

Swimming is the one thing I have insisted my dcs continue with through to their teens. Dd1 has just given up swim team aged 14 and dd1 is still going (although she loves it and is a very strong swimmer). Other than that, they can choose to do activities or not outside school. This is their time and they should spend it doing something they enjoy.

FATEdestiny · 30/06/2018 21:37

The ethos of not quitting is an important thing to instill, I think.

Also, having extra curricular activities are really valuable ways to improve her outcomes as she gets older. I would be insisting encouraging at least two extra curricular activities. Plus, instilling the idea that you should routinely exercise every day/week is important for her health.

So no, I wouldn't be just letting my child give up 'just because'.

Why not find her a swimming club? She can start swimming competitively then.

BackforGood · 30/06/2018 21:38

I would say she can finish when she can swim - say 400m or something. Set a 'target'. Swimming is such a useful skill. I'm not just talking about the possibility of drowning, I'm taking about being able to enjoy so many more things in your teens - from holiday swimming, to a thing you can do independently with your friends, without parents, to all the boating sports (sailing, kayaking, rowing, surfing, stand up paddle boarding, canoeing, dragon boat racing, raft races, 'Its a Knockout' type games over water, etc etc.).

I think everyone goes through spells when they don't want to go to things...... I enjoy my job, but hate getting up early to go to it .

I used to say to my dc, when they got whingey about going that, if they wanted to finish at the end of term, then they needed to tell 'X' (whoever the coach / Leader was). Of course, when they were there, they were enjoying themselves and wouldn't dream of it, but, if they genuinely weren't enjoying something, they had that option.

willstarttomorrow · 30/06/2018 21:53

DD is a bit like this. Swimming was not up for negotiation until she completed gold in rookie life saving. This was in part because I did not learn to swim until an adult and also because her teachers have always been very enthusiastic about her ability without pushing her into the city swimming club. She is very fast and her technique is good but when swimming socially she just wants to mess around with her friends and go to water parks. However when she hits 16 she will be in a good position to train as a lifeguard which pays well as a Saturday job and also opens doors for summer jobs.

Again she is not allowed to give up scouts, she has been with them since 6. She has had amazing oppurtunities and will at some point will become a young leader. Again in the future this will serve her well.

As for all the other clubs, happy not to be paying and driving her to them!

RedSkyLastNight · 30/06/2018 22:03

she is not allowed to give up scouts

As a leader (Guides rather than Scouts) I absolutely agree that Guides/Scouts are great organisations to be a part of. But if your DC genuinely doesn't want to go, please don't make them - it really isn't much fun as a leader trying to motivate DC that are only there because their parents insist it is good for them (my own DD never went on to Guides from Brownies)

arethereanyleftatall · 30/06/2018 22:22

It would be non negotiotiable for me, my dd 9, has to do an hour of extra exercise from school every day, her choice which exercise. I don't think they do enough otherwise in their state school. And it's important to just get used to doing an hour exercise at least a day I think. I'm not pushy in that I don't care how good they are, but I do care that they're fit and healthy.
So, once a week, no, I wouldn't be letting her give it up.

And, being an active swimmer myself, I disagree wholeheartedly that swimming is boring. I bloody love it, and I train about 5km a day, so 200 lengths plodding up and down!

mrcharlie · 30/06/2018 22:58

My 10yr old son quit swimming a few weeks back.
He's been to swimming lessons since aged 4, then 2yrs ago moved onto the swimming club. BUT the endless lengths bored him senseless. Every week the club upped the target, it just wasn't fun. I tried to convince him to stay but I could see he was beginning to hate it. He now wants to quit karate too!! That will leave just football, the one sport I wanted him to quit. His fitness levels have dropped considerably so we've now banned all sweets and treats in the house. He's turning into a lazy shit just wants to lie on the couch youtubing all day!!

Original poster

ThreeIsACharm · 01/07/2018 01:41

mrcharlie you have literally described my daughter up until the start of 2017 my dd did 3 after school clubs plus 1 school linked after school club per week.
In the past year she is just losing interest in them all but not wanting to replace them with anything new.
And YouTube is time limited and weekend only in our house now because that all she wants to do also.
Maybe it's an age thing.
She will lean to love swimming again...... hopefully.
Regardless I can now say it's not an option to quit without feeling guilty.

OP posts:

Flip