I'm engaged and we have been together 10 years. We got together when we were only 17 and he was my first boyfriend, and obviously the first person I'd had sex with.
Around 4 years later we were going through a rough patch. The young love/honeymoon phase had worn off, and we were arguing quite a lot. We lived about 60 miles apart, and the relationship started to feel like a chore. We both became unsatisfed wth one another I think. We started to see each other less frequently, but we were still together.
I then went on holiday abroad with a friend and we met a local at the hotel who was really friendly to use, gave us some suggestions for things to do etc. Over the week, we hung out quite a lot and I found myself talking to him for hours. On our last day, he told me quietly he was attracted to me and really liked me. He asked me for a kiss, but I said no, I can't. I told him I have a boyfriend. That was one of the reasons, the other is I wasn't that attracted to him myself, though I found him a nice guy. BUT I will admit, I felt good about myself to have attracted this male attention. I've never been one the boys have lusted after, and always considered myself on the plain/ugly side. It was nice to have attention, for once.
When I came home, and over the next few months, the arguing continued with my boyfriend. I stopped going to see him, and told him over phone this wasn't working for me anymore and I want a break. I said we could still remain friendst, but I think we need to split. He was fine with this, but we did still message each other once or twice a week.
A few months later me and my friend went back on holiday to the place we'd been before. We both stayed in touch with the guy we'd met over social media. But this time things were different, and I did give in to his advances. I was young, I had never done anything crazy like that before, and yes, I wanted to feel attractive again. We were there for about 10 days and during this time I spent about 7 days with him and yes, we had sex. I considered myself single, and felt I wanted to have sex with another person (as I'd only had sex with my first boyfriend). I was immature, but the sex was awful and the experience taught me a lot about life and changed my mindset.
The guy turned out to be a complete arse (as I'm sure you've guessed). Wooing foreign girls is his forte, and a week after I'd left he had another British girl in his bed. I felt very stupid and naive but again, it taught me some life lessons.
I had some time to myself for a couple of months, but then me and my first/ex boyfriend got talking more again. We then met up for the day, and it felt like how it felt right at the very beginning and soon we were back where we were. He hadn't been with anyone else during our time apart, but I told him about my holiday lover.
However, I couldn't bring myself to tell him the whole truth. I was embarrassed to admit I'd been so stupid, and said it was just a drunken fumble and over very quickly. I said I didn't enjoy it (true), and that was that. He wasn't happy about it at the time, but since he never brings it up, and neither do I.
It's obviously years since it happened, and we are going to get married. But the thing is, what I told him wasn't completely true. We had sex quite a few times over the 10 days I was with him and I wasn't drunk once. I think if I told him this now he would be angry I hadn't said anything, and he'd probably think I'm not the person he thought I was. I tell myself telling him now won't help anything, we've both grown up a lot in this time and the experience at least taught me a lot. Is it best to just keep this to myself?