To understand that Autism is NOT a mental illness?

[Oxfordblue]

Just that really, someone posted that autism is a mental illness.
I understand autism to be a different way of thinking/perceiving etc. Not an illness that one may or may not recover from

(My daughter is waiting for an assessment for autism & I would hate her to feel that she 'has a mental illness' & actually find that statement so disempowering. The world needs people to think differently, to challenge ideas that maybe set in stone & blur the idea that one size fits all.)

I have read pages at the start and end, but not all. Just wanted to add that I agree 'disorder' is wrong and would like disorder removed from ADD/ADHD too.

I think Attention Allocation Difference with Hyperactivity would be better. AAD/AADH.
It won't stop my DS from having it, but I really disagree with it being a disorder when it's just a difference. He is attentive, but on the areas that capture his attention rather than meeting other's needs.

Most (all?) autistic traits are experienced by the larger human population, but then most of us spend a part of our time with our eyes closed, I doubt it gives instant understanding of what it’s like to be blind.

Love this! Perfect way to explain how wrong the “little bit autistic” argument is. Will keep that one in mind for next time it comes up!

Sorry if I've offended anyone who thought I was minimizing their autism. And yes I do find it annoying when anyone says we all have autistic traits and end the conversation there. My ds has autism and it has affected his/our lives greatly.

What I mean by 'that we all have' - using food selectivity as an example - food selectivity can be autism related or a person could be food selective without having autism. However the food-selective person without autism probably won't be affected by a 'raft' of other sensory issues that the person with autism also has.

Autistic 'traits' are just human 'traits' in a particular and identifiable constellation. There is not really such a thing as 'autistic traits' at all.

Sorry if I've offended anyone who thought I was minimizing their autism

You haven’t offended me, I am sorry if it seems like you have. I’ve enjoyed reading your posts.

Most (all?) autistic traits are experienced by the larger human population, but then most of us spend a part of our time with our eyes closed, I doubt it gives instant understanding of what it’s like to be blind

Thank you for the absolutely perfect example of not understanding anything anyone is trying to say. Dismissive and minimising in a nutshell.

I think what my perspective on it is, is that I don’t have autistic traits, I am autistic (or another could use whichever words best suit them). I can’t switch it off, or put it down and come back to it later. It’s who I am, every thought, every feeling (yes, I do have them), every decision and reaction is by definition autistic because I am and I know no different. Diagnosis didn’t make me autistic, it explained to me why I am who I am and what makes me me. I’ve always been autistic, I just didn’t know why I was “other” before.

The phrase that thankfully hasn’t appeared on this thread but is depressingly prevalent on others is “autism or not” “autistic or not” and it makes me want to scream. There is no “or not”, and the assumption that so called HF people can manage better or aren’t severely affected is so far beyond ignorant it’s not true.

I had a meltdown last night, because of this thread. I have meltdowns because I’ve had to do too much peopling in a day or because I’ve become overwhelmed by sights/sounds/smells/interactions.

If I didn’t have children I’d never leave my house. Because it’s my safe place, because it’s where I can be me without attack or fear.

So when people minimise the impact it has, or insinuate that I somehow have it easier or have no issues it is insulting and hurtful.

Straddling both worlds, NT/ND is hard. Because you’re not wanted in either. “You can mask, you don’t need help” vs “you’re not one of us, you’re weird”. The support isn’t there, the help isn’t there, and you belong nowhere. Which brings us back to the beginning of a neverending cycle.

This is where DS1, DD and I are. Straddling the two worlds and belonging in neither. It’s a very lonely place to be.

DS2 will probably need a lot more support, but as he is still young it’s not there yet. Due to cuts he won’t get a specialist school place like DS1, and yet won’t cope with mainstream in the way that DD will with minimal support.

So that’s my own experience boiled down into a few paragraphs, a potted history if you like.

If anyone else wants to share theirs, I’d be happy to listen, and not minimise or dismiss their experiences.

I want to be an ally, but I cannot and will not do so while being attacked or dismissed.

But I really want to try and start changing the status quo because as it stands it benefits no one.

@zzzzz thank you, I hadn’t read that before I’d written my last post, but I hope that it explains things better than I’ve managed before. I’m the first to admit that when I’m angry or upset I am unable to articulate myself properly which is why I left it last night.

@zzzzz thank you I appreciate that and that you listened.

What can I do to make being heard easier for you and your child? I really would like to, I want to help change things for everyone, not just the ones who can articulate as an autistic person.

What do you feel would help to do that, how can I be a better ally for your child?

(I’m not meaning to deflect responsibility, I genuinely don’t know how to and want to)

Autism is definitely not a mental illness, it is a neurological condition.

I am autistic; the condition defines who I am therefore it's label first. But I appreciate and respect others who wish to be a person first

I think this is something I struggle to put across, and it’s something I’m trying to work on. Being better at explaining how I empathise and want to hear other people’s experiences and to understand.

Thank you staffiegirl (I have a staffie!) I appreciate that.

This thread has made me think, a lot. In terms of expressing myself I think it’s something I’ll always struggle with, because it’s part of how my condition affects me. It’s shown me that I’m not as able to express myself adequately as I thought, and that that is something I really do need to work on.

Sorry if I've offended anyone who thought I was minimizing their autism
Thanks. I do have a tendency to jump, I'm sure you understand why.

Here we go 🙄

(Don’t click if your blood pressure is already up.)

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/3293813-Im-Autistic-ask-me-anything?msgid=79081783#79081783

Noooo 😏

There seems little understanding that it is possible to struggle to communicate verbally but still think and care and be very able. And for those individuals who do have learning disabilities little understanding that they can still contribute and have opinion

That is a very good point, and I would very much like to find a way to ensure that the people you describe are heard and that their opinions are not dismissed.

I understand where you are coming from, and why you feel the way you do.

It’s ironic isn’t it, that both of us are so frustrated and angry at not being heard and being marginalised, when if you boil it down to what we’re trying to say, although the content may be vastly different, the intention and feeling behind it is the same.

I sincerely hope that this finding of some kind of middle ground is the start of something.

staffiegirl yes! I completely identify with that!

Battleax I didn’t dare open that thread, my blood pressure wouldn’t cope.

I think what's happening a lot of the time is that people in different positions within the autistic/autism world think others in the autistic/autism world are getting a better deal, more support, greater priority, but the reality is that everyone is getting a shitty deal. Autism is presented in the media by stereotype, yet nobody really fits those stereotypes, so we all feel marginalised and it's easy to make assumptions.

We have to work together to make things better.

HardAsSnails I can see that too, and I agree about working together.

Again and again I see or hear of groups and activities set up that simply don’t cater for the less articulate.
Fact of the matter is that there just aren't enough groups & activities for autistic people full stop. The ones round here for adults involve meeting at pubs - I don't want to go to a pub and be expected to make conversation! I can't do making conversation with the NT people I meet in everyday life - why would it be easier with complete strangers just because they're on the same spectrum? They have Lego groups for kids but I'm an adult who happens to like building stuff so I'm stuffed on that. So it's not just the non-articulate, it's all of us depending on where we live.