To never get in a queue with DH again?

[elfycat]

We're at a theme park in a queue for a newish ride. A woman and child come up behind us and want to get past to join others. DH turns and asks her if she can read, pointing to a 'definition of queue jumping sign'.

He's always doing this. And I know he's technically right but...

He's 6ft 4 and barrel chested. He's huge and because of this he's intimidating while sitting quietly reading a book. He uses a challenging tone, which he doesn't realise is threatening. The woman was 5ft nowt and recoiled.

He's also a fucking nightmare in queues. He hates them. He'll always look for an opportunity to pick the 'fastest' one in supermarkets, often holding a place while I'm directed to come to him I don't He'll try to slip between people to get to a queue in McDonald's, practically knocking them over because he's not as slim as he thinks he is.

Queues in traffic are awful, he'll switch lanes in stop-start traffic for a one car advantage. One time he drove up a crawler lane no-one was using because there was no point. Sailed past the 3 lanes of traffic to get the half mile advantage. I was in the car behind him and I had the key to get into the house so he has to wait for me anyway.

Today I left the queue, eldest DD following and calling him an idiot because she's 9 and doesn't use the same vocabulary as I would

WIBU to never go on a theme park ride with him again, maybe take the kids without him from now on?

Pfft. I'm a short-arse woman, and I'm still on his side here.

Does he use his physicality to intimate you, your family or people outside of the queue thing?

He doesn't sound very nice OP

Umm, I'm guessing blind here but... is the point his aggressiveness rather than the queuing bit?

He sounds aggressive and impatient. And hypocritical - he holds a place in a queue in the supermarket for you, but wouldn't let someone else go and join their party ahead of him in the queue? (I'm assuming that's what happened).

In this one instance he was technically in the right, but I can see that it's part of an overall pattern of behaviour. I've known a few blokes like this - they seem to having to wait in line as somehow deeply unfair (but only to them) and so are always looking for reduce/evade the need to queue.

I think it's an entitlement thing - they feel entitled to getting what they want straight away, and so get very grumpy when they can't have it. They are able to be both desperate to find a loophole (so they can next) and the queue police (hypervigilant that someone else might be trying the same tricks they are).

Are you feeling that his behaviour says something about you in that instance? You could always say something different if you want.

I hate queue jumpers but I wouldn't object to a couple of people joining their friends so they could all ride together. His aggression sounds troubling if the woman had a physical reaction to it and even your DD commented on it.

Unless I'm misreading this he hates queue jumpers but happily "saves a place" /enables queue jumping himself???

He'll always look for an opportunity to pick the 'fastest' one in supermarkets, often holding a place while I'm directed to come to him

Hypocritical much?

The lady probably isn’t jumping the queue though, this is the issue. She had a child with her or she herself may have needed to go to the toilet. None of which she should have to declare to your husband who could have just rolled his eyes and let her past.

I also have a partner who is a nightmare in queues, although he just moans and complains and swears. So embarrassing. You did the right thing leaving the queue with your daughter, she doesn’t need to be set a bad example by your husband. My FIL has terrible behaviour in queues and I’m convinced that’s why DP is so bad. Honestly learning how to queue properly and politely is a life skill, make sure your daughter learns from you.

Why should she be allowed to push in? What makes her so special she can jump in the queue wherever she wants?

I agree with your dh I would of pointed to the sign as well...

So he holds a place in a queue and expects you to join him but he doesn't allow others to do the same? He is an arse, all 6 foot 4 of him.

Queue jumping is bloody annoying but this sounds like your DH is just an aggressive dick.
We were on A41 last week and some bloke almost caused an accident by going around a truck that had purposely blocked the crawler lane in very slow moving traffic, to stop idiots like him trying to push in where the 2 lanes merged into 1 coming to a junction. There was nowhere for him to go as lanes had merged and no gaps to pull into. Ended up half accoss lane of oncoming traffic. Sounds like your bloody DH.

Would he have done the same thing if it had been a huge bloke that pushed or does he only like to intimidate small women?

I think holding a place in a supermarket queue is different from holding a place in a theme park is different, because only one impacts other people.

If I was in a queue at a supermarket I would know that I wouldn't be served until all the people in front of me had been served. If one of them was holding a place and was then joined by the person who actually had the shopping it wouldn't make any difference. I'd have joined the queue knowing there were x people in front of me to be served. If one of those was joined by the person with the shopping I wouldn't have to wait longer than I had originally expected. If anything I'd be served more quickly as there would be 2 people to unpack the trolley, pack the bags and pay instead of 1.

On the other hand, if I'm in a queue for a theme ride each person in front of me will take up one seat on the ride. The more people in front, the more seats are needed, the longer until a seat is available for me. Every time somebody pushes in front of me the longer it is until a seat is available for me.

He'll try to slip between people to get to a queue in McDonald's, practically knocking them over

Yet he's on his high horse about queue jumpers?

Afraid I could NOT be with someone like that. Sounds awful.

I was with him until you said about being a queue jumper himself.

I hate people 'joining friends'. If it was a rare one off, then I wouldn't mind. Or just one person joining many. But it never is. I once got bounced from a good seat on a plane, when 6 people (six!) joined one friend in front of me. Never again.

Does yours mutter, OP? Mine sits there, swapping lanes, swearing under his breath about the 'fucking cunts' cutting in, will take a detour of five miles to avoid a ten minute hold up, would put his shopping back rather than stand in a queue at the supermarket...

And yet he'll sit in front of the TV for hours waiting for a football match to start.

So he jumps queues himself and has the audacity to pick others up on it? Agree with PP, he doesn't sound that nice.

I don't know, I've got in supermarket queues before and the person in front has a couple of items so I'm anticipating waiting a certain amount of time and then their partner joins them with a full trolley. On the other hand I've been queuing for rides and waited for the next ride so I can ride as a group and seen others do this too thus allowing those behind ahead of them. I think he sounds like an arse.

He uses a challenging tone, which he doesn't realise is threatening.

Does he not though? Really? Based on this post he sounds like a bit of a bully. Does he use this "challenging tone" with other 6ft 4 barrel chested men or is it held in special reserve for those he can also physically intimidate?

He's not being intimidating on purpose. I'm probably the more uptight/ forthright of us but I know when not to be.

He is socially inept a lot of the time ( his mother is a legend in her own family for it).

I find it embarrassing and walk away. It's worse now as we go to busy places with the children, so more queues. I don't mind him enforcing the rules, but not in the immediately challenging way he does it. I've suggested he mildly draws attention to their queue etiquette, but I guess he's preparing for a challenge by starting aggressively.

Technically she is queue jumping if she is joining someone who had held her a place, for whatever reason. But most people don't mind letting a person go by. It's really frustrating when it's a whole host of people doing it! Even more so when it's a really long queue. It definitely does happen too often for my liking.

However, this reads like your dh queue jumps in similar ways all the time too, so he is being hypocritical.

Theme parks mean queues. You just have to accept that when you go to them.

He's not being intimidating on purpose

So would be happily challenge a man, built bigger than he is?

He sounds very aggressive; but - your 9 year old stomped off calling him an idiot? Maybe the whole family need to look to how they interact with others.

So he holds a place in a queue and expects you to join him but he doesn't allow others to do the same?

But when you get someone to join you in a supermarket queue, you're not holding up the people behind. In fact, you're probably speeding up the queue, as two people packing the bags is quicker than one.

But in a theme park queue, there's a limited number of seats. So by having two people push in front of you, there might not be enough space for you on the next ride and you'll have to wait for the next one.

So it's not really the same thing. I often do the former, but I would never do the latter, it's really rude.