Aibu to think you should split inheritance equally between siblings?

[Bakingberry]

A close friend has this conversation going on in their own family and wanted me to to ask what MN thought.

The parents will be leaving a modest inheritance to two grown up children. One child is married, has a good job and their partner has a senior position position in the same industry. They don’t struggle financially but they have to make sacrifices like all families do. It might be relevant to mention he is an only child, his family are quite wealthy and are quite happy to ‘insist’ on paying for things for them.

The second child is single, does a job they love but is earning about a third of what the other sibling earns. They obviously don’t have the support of a partner and have to pay all bills, mortgage, etc on their own. This means that they need to don’t have a huge disposable income.

Both siblings would benefit from the money but it would obviously help out one more than the other.

AIBU to think that their parents should split things 50/50 when it comes to their wills? I know there is a ‘discussion’ going on and I’m starting to see things from both sides.

It is completely up to the parents. I would leave it 50/50. Any other decision is going to leave someone upset and will have a negative impact on the siblings relationship in the future.

I hope the better off sibling leaves it for the other voluntarily. However, parents should do 50/50.

50/50

Otherwise it looks like they're rewarding one sibling for getting married basically-which the other sibling may wish they'd been able to do.
And no, I don't think the better off sibling should give it to the other either.

50/50

The wealthier one could get divorced and have a breakdown. The lower income one could marry a millionaire/win the lottery.

There needs to be a more compelling reason than different life choices for not doing an equal split - anything else causes pain and sadness. Who would want to die leaving one child feeling less loved?

Depends. My aunt was a widow, but she was also my grandparents’ caregiver in their last years, because she lived next door to them. She also cares for an ill grandchild.
I think she deserved more inheritance than her brother (my father).

50:50.Unless the parents want to create a rift between siblings leaving them both without parents and sibling support in their death.

Uncle - multi millionaire houses all round the world big cars huge business

Aunt single parent on benifits scraping by to feed and cloth the kids

Nan is leaving it all to single mum so she'll have a house to live in for life

She didn't chose to be a single parent and unfortunately the system isn't easy for larger families to work and care for them -

Uncle knows and accepts this

Speak to the kids and see what their view is - they may not care

50:50 all the way. It's just not fair otherwise.

It should be 50/50 but it rarely is.
I might be generalising but I've noticed that the more wealthy the beneficiaries are the more they feel entitled to.

The saying of where there's a will, there's a way and a gathering often fits.

I've seen my very wealthy cousin scream over cutlery when we had to empty nans flat (Nan wanted all we didn't want given to the Salvation Army)

I don’t know what my brother received from my Mum’s estate, and I don’t want to know.

My dad spoke about his will after mum died because I’ll be the one responsible for dealing with it (hopefully many years in the future!) as the eldest, but I don’t actually know what’s in it, and if my brother has been left more that’s up to my dad.

Financially I’m better off than my brother because I didn’t piss Mum’s legacy up the wall.

@greentulips in your example I think that's the right thing to do, but that's because uncle is a multi millionaire who simply doesn't need any more money - it'd be a drop in the ocean for him and fair dues to him for recognising it.

You couldn't choose between two people with pretty normal lives (albeit one with a bit more money than the other) - I just don't think that's fair at all.

50/50

It will get nasty fast otherwise, it's shocking how an inheritance can tear a family apart.

50/50. Why risk potentially ruining the relationship between siblings due to resentment etc.

My will is not 50/50 until youngest finishes education so money is ring fenced for that So she haveS the same as older DD had to help her through sixth form and first 3 years university
After that, equal split

50/50

The circumstances for either sibling could change in the blink of an eye.

Neither child should be rewarded/punished for the position they find themselves in at one point of time in their adult lives.

it's shocking how an inheritance can tear a family apart

I agree with this. My brother raked through my mother’s jewellery either while she was dying or immediately after she’d died and stole anything of value. I’ve never uttered a word to him since. Not because of the monetary value, that’s utterly irrelevant (to me at least), but because that was his first thought, and he tossed all the less valuable but sentimental stuff back in the box as if it was rubbish.

His money grabbing and lack of attempt to even hide it, even as Mum was dying, made me hate him. There were far, far more important things (people) to be focusing on at the time!

DF left relatively small legacies to each of his grandchildren in trust, then the remainder 50/50 between me and DSis, which I thoroughly approved of - I would have been upset if he'd left a higher percentage to DSis because she had two kids to my one, but DF had a direct relationship to his grandchildren and a direct legacy off the top of the estate, as it were, was entirely appropriate.

Equally, I earn less than DSis, and I'm sure DSis would have been pissed off if my lack of ambition had been rewarded with a greater legacy (and her greater industry had been rewarded with a smaller one).

That doesn't solve the problem where unfortunate circumstances have left one side worse off through no fault of their own, though. I guess I'd go with 50/50 because, as PPs have said, inheritances get so nasty so quickly. And also because you can't ever be sure that the circs that pertain at the time of someone's death will remain the circs - the better off person's fortunes can reverse, etc.

No, 50:50. Whatever the circumstances. I say that as the worse off sibling.

@SoddingUnicorns

MIL witnessed something very similar when her beloved SIL died. She watched her children fight over her jewellery collection like a pack of vultures.

It upset her so much that she gave away all her valuable jewellery to her children, children-in-law and grandchildren. Pretty much all she has left is her wedding ring.

Entirely up to the parent, though personally I'd want it to be 50/50

The crucial point to me is that everything's clear, leaving no room for doubt about what's intended. There's often someone who'll think they're a special case, but at least that way there's less room for argument

I would split anything I had to leave equally between my children unless one or more was very, very well off and one was poor. In this situation, it doesn't sound like that is the case.

That said, people can do whatever they want to with their money.

Equal unless in one sibling is in fairly dire circumstances eg disabled, mental health issues, children’s medical issues. Then I’d absolutely separate funds for that.
Different if there is a family business or farm, that is much harder.

It's difficult, the wealthier child may not need the money now but they do have children to support. I think discussion is needed rather than just deciding to cut one child out, which would be very hurtful

My will is not 50/50 I love my grandchildren as much as my own children and so will want to reflect that in my will.

The best present I can give my grandchildren is a debt/mortgage free home. This enables their parent's to make choices about work/life/child care balance that most people cannot make. Therefore I will leave my house to my daughter and grandchildren and the cash - worth about 1/5 to my childless professional daughter. She will also have first choice of all my personal items.

If circumstances change before I die I will re-evaluate. This also comes with a caveat that if my professional daughter's life goes hideously wrong she will also have a rent free home to move to and live in for life.

I currently have cancer so we have discussed this as a family and both daughter's are completely happy with the arrangements. We have also discussed the long term future for the house when the grandchildren have grown

My childless daughters priority will always be to give her beloved nieces and nephews the best home she can. And knows I could not die happy knowing they would not be given the best.

I don’t think an uneven split will cause resentment providing there is openness honesty and an explanation given and no back story of golden child shit.

It’s when you have the back story and or no idea why when you start to equate it to the relationship