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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH's mate and his many lady friends.

33 replies

Whackytaco · 29/06/2018 23:48

DH's mate, I'll call him Mark, is an old school friend of DH's.
He is mid 40's, single, never married, no children and a bit of an over confident wide boy but look, he's generally ok-ish and I tolerate him in small doses for DH's sake.
Mark lives about a 3 hour drive from us and comes to our place every 4-6 weeks to hang out with DH. No problems there until the last few times he's been here.
He has been bringing with him whatever woman he has picked up in bars/ on Tinder that week to stay at our house (we live in a popular holiday destination). He hardly knows them and has just turned up with them with them in the past.

We've had 3 random women stay in the last 6 months and they've all been nice enough fortunately.
One I felt really sorry for as she clearly didn't find Mark as attractive as she did on their first date and was now stuck with him for a whole weekend. She clung to me and the kids the whole time and didn't want a bar of him.
Mark has this idea in his head that "the boys" will go out and have a few beers while "you ladies" stay home with some wine and the kids.

I can clearly see why these women never come back as they are expecting a night out in our town but instead stuck with me, who they've just met, and the kids.

DH has just come off the phone to him and he's popping up on Saturday to see us and this time had the decency to let us know he is bringing "this chick" he picked up last weekend. If it's his usual style, it'll be a woman in her 20's who's probably up for a good weekend and who can blame her?

AIBU to call Mark and say no. I know it's only one night but nooooooo.

No because I cannot be arsed to be sitting with a woman who has been clearly dumped, making small talk because Mark wants to go out "with the boys". Again.
I mean, why bloody bring her? It's inconvenient for me and embarrassing and boring for her.

No because I've had a shitty week at work and I was planning a slobby evening watching crap tv and enjoying a gin or two.

No because just fucking no.

DH thinks I'm being unfair and says "our home is his home" type bromance shit.
I'm fully prepared to call Mark myself and say no but can you help me word it nicely please?
I don't want to cause strife between DH and him but I'm not prepared to be lumbered with a fourth random woman who I probably won't ever see again.
Also I'm fucked off that it's always assumed that it'll be ok to just bring whoever to our house (we had a load of pissed blokes turn up with him one weekend as they were on a stag weekend in the town).

OP posts:
Uncreative · 30/06/2018 00:42

Make a point of saying you (both) enjoyed seeing him on his own instead of with someone trailing along this weekend. Then say how you hate entertaining his latest squeeze and frankly won’t do it again. Any girlfriends in future have to stay with h8. For the weekend instead of hanging out with you. Then make a point of inviting him alone instead of waiting for him to invite himself plus date.

Whackytaco · 30/06/2018 00:46

Anyfucker, I spend part of the week away with work so I'm happy to spend the weekend with the kids. That's not an issue. DH does the bulk childcare and running around in the week as well as working FT. I'm not a big "going outy" person and I love being home after being away.
I just don't want to entertain strangers in my own home. Grin

OP posts:
Whackytaco · 30/06/2018 00:52

I agree with you Aeroflot et al, Mark isn't going to get anywhere with his current attitude. He's been the same since I've known him.
Anyway, thank you all for your input!

OP posts:
jade9390 · 30/06/2018 00:54

Nobody in their 40s takes random sex partners and drunks to a family home, it is disrespectful and not a good example for the kids. He is behaving like a 20 year old, visiting other single mates in different towns and crashing after a night of clubbing which is something we all did. He has no respect for your family, he is not coming to spend time with you or the kids, just using your home as a cheap hotel. He needs to grow the hell up, get real and try looking for someone nearer his age but probably could not handle a woman. I can understand a 20 yr old wanting to use an older man to treat her to a hotel stay and just being disappointed. The reality is most young women are only with older men for cash.

NotAnotherNoughtiesTune · 30/06/2018 00:57

I wouldn't bother making an effort to be nice to him.

He's clearly sexist and a twat.

The fact DH sticks up for him tells me a lot about him. I haven't read anything about your DH inciting you out with them for some drinks/food etc?

Birds of a feather...

Whackytaco · 30/06/2018 01:13

Jade, yep that's why I'm stopping it now. He brought 3 women here (uninvited) in the last 6 months, I'm not having a fourth but that's not happening now anyway.

Noughtiestune, I'm to blame for that. I am asked but I actually don't want to go out with Mark so tell DH to carry on. I've just realised it's DH that asks though never Mark.

OP posts:
LexieLulu · 30/06/2018 07:09

Still I think you should say before he suggests to bring another girl round that you aren't game x

muffinthepuffin · 30/06/2018 07:19

Its good timing for your chat if he's not bringing one this time!

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