To brag about staring down a CF

[CestLeWhy]

I am the most conflict and awkwardness averse person imaginable, but I have been reading CF threads on MN and I must have subconsciously been taking notes because I stared down a real, live CF!!!!!

My toddler DD2, 2 yo and I went to pick up DD1 at school. DD2 had her favourite toy in the world, a tractor imaginatively named 'tracky'.

A little boy, bit smaller, runs up, snatches DD2's toy and runs off.

His mum pretends to be utterly engrossed in her phone, unable to hear her own child cackling and mine wailing. We're late for pick up and can't reasonably wait around for it to be returned eventually.

In the past I would have written the toy off as gone and consoled DD2.

Instead, I politely asked the mum, 'excuse me, can DD2 have her toy back, please?'

She actually huffed!! At me! Daring to ask. Rolled her eyes and disinterestedly yelled at her son 'give it back'. The child cheerfully ignored her and she went back to her phone, with her kid actively taunting DD.

I asked again. She yelled again. Kid ignored again.

I asked again. She actually just stared back at me with an expectant look. I think she actually expected me to hand over the toy or wrestle her child for it.

I stood my ground and just stared back, with a (hopefully) polite face. Asked again. Stared her down until the poor little boy ran into grabbing distance. She grabbed him by the ankle, tripped him down, snatched the toy and tossed (!!!!!) it back at me, all without actually saying anything to me.

She tossed it back at you? What a cheeky response. Verging on hostile. So glad you stood up to her OP.

😧

What a rude woman!!!! You were polite asking for it back. She’s obviously used to people being too intimidated to call her out. Well done OP.

What a horrible woman!! Well done for standing your ground, you did brilliantly!

She did what? Poor kid.

I also hate being late, but I was, just to get bloody 'tracky' back

Thank you MN for showing me my backbone and when to use it!

Well done, what is she teaching her son, to be mean. You did the right thing. That was your dd favourite toy, for all she knows, your dd could have been given it as a present, or got it from abroad and not able to get another one.

In the past I would have written the toy off as gone and consoled DD2.

Eh?

You'd have let another kid steal your child's toy?

Thank God you've got some gumption thanks to Mumsnet!

Well done!

Really well done! I especially love that you showed your daughter how to stand up for yourself AND that you would stand up for her and what's important to her. Brilliant stuff!

Well done OP.
I would've snatched her phone and told her she'll get it back when her son gives the tractor back.
I can be an evil inflammatory cow sometimes though...

Right, I'm sorry for reviving an old thread but I've had another run in with this woman and toddler and I need some advice. My OP was my first run in with them.

I took DD to the park after school today, it was mainly primary age children so every child had a carer with them in the playground.

This boys carer sat outside the fenced playground, absorbed on her phone again. DD2 was at the top of the slide, getting ready to go down. The little boy comes up behind her and starts pushing her quite roughly to go down. She didn't and tried to get off and back down the ladder to me. the carer was uninterested. I went up and said firmly, 'no pushing please'. At this, the little boy screamed and started hitting DD. DD was upset by this point and shoved him so she could get back to me. The little boy started screaming inconsolably. I had to get DD down then console the little boy. He was screaming very loudly and the carer could definitely hear him, but she didn't move an inch

I distracted DD to the swings. About 20 minutes later, DD wandered back to the slide. The little boy slapped her. This time, DD hit back. I separated them again, told DD off for hitting and asked her to apologise. The little boy was screaming again. I did my best to console him and I kept asking if he'd like help or to go to his mummy but he was flailing and kicking, it was awful. The carer sat where she was, still on her phone and yelled at him from time to time. Finally, an 8 yo girl from DD's school (assuming she's the older sister) came and carried off the little boy.

I then heard the carer pointing at my DD and telling the little boy 'el brute'. Now I don't speak Italian, but I can guess at what that means.

Obviously I'm not upset at the poor little boy, just sorry for him.

If the carer is the mum, then I guess that's her parenting choice.

But she looks very young and seems incredibly disinterested in the children.

If she is a nanny (v common in our area) would IBU to tell the parents how little she supervises the children? Not even bothering to comfort a crying child is ridiculous, IMO.

it means 'ugly' as in behaviour.

Her behaviour sounds the worst though.

Don't worry, but if you see them again, give a wide berth.

Well done, OP. I think that mum has trouble in store from her little lad and you are a star.

If she is the nanny, the parents definitely need to know.
Could you somehow find out, via the 8 yo school child? I mean is she at the same school as your dd?

If she’s not, there’s nothing you can do, just avoid them and say to your children something along the lines of “we don’t seem to hit it off with so we will play on something else whilst he is on slide” or whatever.

You’re not going to get anywhere with them.

Obviously I’m not suggesting you ask the 8yo directly, listen as to whether she addresses the woman as mummy, or perhaps find a way of subtly asking a teacher, perhaps?

willtheyever yes, the little girl is in my older DDs school, although not the same year. I could probably find out but just don't know how to go about it subtly without gossiping or spreading horribleness.

I guess there's no reason for her to be nanny just because she's v young but if she was my nanny I would be very unimpressed