AIBU to not invite my brothers girlfriend to my wedding?

[coolstepmum94]

My fiancé and I are getting married in January 2020 so writing the guest list and starting to plan everything out now. Only problem is, neither of us get on with my brothers girlfriend! They have been together a year, and she practically moved in within a couple of months, had her own key cut and all. She has always been disrespectful towards me, and recently when my fiancé and I stayed at my mum’s while she was on holiday, she made us both feel so unwelcome, not once did she say a word to me, my fiancé or my stepdaughter. My brother doesn’t see that she does any wrong to us, and will always take her side in any argument/dispute and won’t hear a single bad word against her. I have so much dislike for this girl, and really don’t want her at my wedding because I feel it will affect my day, but I don’t want my brother not to come because of it! What do I do!?

You might have to suck it up as I imagine he won't come if she's not. Could you amuse yourself by being extra nice to her so she has to talk to you or look rude, lots of open ended questions??

How happy would you be to be excluded from your brother's wedding on the grounds that the bride doesn't like you?

I think YWBU to not invite her. I know it's your day and all that blather, but sometimes you've just got to suck up social conventions.

Hope they aren't dating by that point? It's well over a year away.

But honestly, if they are still together you'll need to stick it up (and maybe have someone run interference and keep her away from you on the day).

*suck it up, not stick

Not inviting her sends a real message that's for sure! It might make your dbro feel he has to choose, as long as you'd be content with however he chooses to respond to that then go for it

Which is more important your dislike of her or your wish for a relationship with your brother?

I'd just invite her personally. They may not even be together by then, and if they are, you will barely see her on the day.

If you are prepared to cut out certain family members partners, be prepared for the nasty can of worms that you'll be opening up in your family! Not worth the upset for the sake of one minor guest unless they've done something truly dreadful.

My brother and I don’t have a great relationship already at the moment, most of my familial relations are pretty strained really! If things continue to deteriorate, I probably would exclude her and be very honest as to why I have done so, but if it improves or she starts to make somewhat of an effort, and my relationship with DBro improves also, I guess I’d try suck it up. Just really angry about everything that has happened involving her in the past year, and her air of entitlement in my old home

I would n’t invite, she’s been rude to you, and clearly has an issue with you. She can be guaranteed to ruin the wedding,

That’s what I’m thinking! Selfish as it may be, it’s my big day (and my fiancé’s) and I don’t want negative people there to ruin it for me!

It’s quite a long time until January but 2020; things may change. Leave a spot vacant for her and see how you feel nearer the time.

It's two years away....why are you doing the guest list now? Chill out, a lot can change in 2 years.

It's a long way away, family don't need an early invite. See what happens

January 2020 and you're worrying about it now !

It's a long way off, just wait and decide much nearer the time

So by the time of your wedding, she will be his partner of 2.5 years and living together for nearly 2 years? Nope, she's family, it would be very rude to invite him without her.

It might be "your big day", but if you use it to make such an obvious snub, you'll be dealing with the fall out potentially for the rest of your life if your DB makes this relationship work long term. That's a lot of awkward Christmas dinners.

Why let your marriage be the source of family upset? Unless you are only inviting 20 people, you won't even need to talk to her.

@Charliiquinn - "my big day" is all good and well, but it's only one day when all's said and done, for the sake of one day, why risk making upset that you have to deal with for the rest of your life?

Even if the DB breaks up with his gf in the future, the fact you could snub his partner might still be upsetting. By not acknowledging her as his partner, you are being as rude to him as to her.

Agreeing with others here ..... 2020 is a long way off. I wouldn’t sweat the small stuff on this one.

Agree, just leave it all alone until summer next year at least.

She has always been disrespectful towards me, and recently when my fiancé and I stayed at my mum’s while she was on holiday, she made us both feel so unwelcome, not once did she say a word to me, my fiancé or my stepdaughter.

^You don’t have a good relationship with your brother as it is so on that basis with his rude girlfriend I definitely would not invite her. She probably would cause a scene at the wedding anyway.

Your list might change a lot between now and sending the invites out. Just write her name on the list and cross her out nearer the time if things change.

I realise we only get one side of any story here, but, am I reading it right that she lives with your DB, at your Mum's house, and you actually moved in there while your Mum was away ?

I can understand her feeling a bit peeved, if I've read it right and they were about to have 10 days alone whilst your Mum was away, and then you turned up and moved in, tbf.

Re the wedding tho, as everyone else has said. Make no mention of it until you send the invitations out in 18months time. By they she will have been a long term partner of his for a long time and you invite her, or they will have split up and it isn't a problem.