To force my mil to get hearing aids?

[babyblues99]

So recently my mother in law visited us. in general she is great, good with the kids, clever and proactive etcetc. she is however a massive downer, she will only talk about 1 of about 5 topics in a 'isnt it awful/how do they cope/woe is me' way, every time we see her. she also seems to be going deaf.

i do wonder if this is some kind of coping mechanism as she finds it difficult to engage in conversation as she cannot hear. however for context she also has history of hearing instructions/conversations repeating it back THEN DOING THE FUCKING OPPOSITE!!! so it is difficult to separate the bad hearing with this other personality querk. (my OH confirms that it is certainly much worse then it was)

During this and other recent visits its just getting excruciating. we have a new baby and she cannot seem to speak at a low volume, hear how much noise she is making or hear us when we whisper so says 'what' loudly waking the baby!!! this happened at least once or twice a day during her stay. She also frequently wouldn't ever register i had spoken to her when i said something sitting right next to her.

i had finally had enough of pussy footing around this and flat out told her that she is going deaf and she needs hearing aids.

her reply was, 'yes i know, but i've been to see the specialist (she works in a hospital) and he said there is nothing they can do????!!!

Now, as i mentioned above she is quite a downer and will often selectively only hear the negative bits, she is also going deaf and i REFUSE to believe that she has a unique hearing problem that modern technology cannot fix.

My oh and i have discussed simply booking her an appointment near where she lives and taking her there one day. I suspect that going to a private place will give her more options and personal service and we are even happy to pay for hearing aids ourselves (for a few hundred pounds) i have seen digital aids that you can program to amplify certain frequencies (she is complaining of losing the lower register)

So, does anyone know anything about hearing aids and how do you propose we get negative nancy to go??

Wow. You don't like her much do you?!
Maybe don't have her to stay.
But don't try and force an adult into doing something so they don't wake your baby if they come over.

Take her to Specsavers for a hearing test

You can't force her to get hearing aids. She is an adult woman, not a child.

You can't force someone to wear hearing aids. They are exhausting to get used to.
Fwiw, I have been a hearing aid user for many years (now just in my 30s). Day off work today, and I don't have mine in! When you are not used to naturally hearing things, they are not easy to adapt to.

It’s a tough one and unlike a Pp I think it shows you do care for her as you want to help her out (as well as help out yourself 🤣) Obviously you can’t force her to go, but could you explain that you’re concerned about her quality of life and that she could participate so much more if she had hearing aids. Maybe she’s concerned they “ll be big unsightly ones? Reassure her that modern ones are really small.

Forced to get hearing aids because she woke your baby?

We must be related as I’m sure we share a MIL. My MIL sounds very similar. My DH and I have come to the conclusion she has selective hearing even with the hearing aids. She gets very frustrated with us, with herself as she finds when there’s lots of background noise (kids, TV...) she can’t differentiate the sounds so just chooses not to engage unless it’s a subject she’s interested in! Then she’s all ears and hearing aids getting adjusted. We have to use raised voices and repeat ourselves over and over again whilst she processes what we’ve said. She’s even got into this annoying habit of saying “aye” to everything we say just so she can hear it again and really listen and lip read also. It’s all very frustrating to the point where it’s all such an effort to have a conversation for everyone. There’s some really good hearing aids out there now. They’re getting better. What helped us get MIL to help herself and get hearing aids was by saying that you know someone else’s DM who’s got some and how much better they are able to engage and communicate now!

My DG had progressive hearing loss. She had the most sophisticated hearing aids, but they didn't work for her.

The only thing that worked was a cochlear implant, which involved major surgery. She was in her 80's and I don't think she ever fully recovered from the surgery or the shock of being able to hear again, but in a different way (we all sounded like Daleks, apparently).

I don't think hearing aids are a fix all for hearing loss, as it's a very complex issue. So I would give her the benefit of doubt.

Having said that, it's always worth asking for a second opinion.

As things are in don't think you can just book her in. I think start working on the basis that this is how it is. There are lots of ways to make conversation easier for people with hearing impairment: even with hearing aids it would probably help to adjust what you are doing.

I am probably the same age as your MIL, and I have progressive hearing loss (as did my parents). I would hope that as it gets worse my DCs and their partners are a little kinder to me than your are to her!

It is horrible not being able to hear the banter when there is background noise, I always made sure my parents knew what was going on. Not always possible as jokes are often not funny the second time round.

Try being kind to her and explaining how much better it could be with hearing aids.

And let’s hope your DC are kind to you when you get old!

She needs to have a hearing test and get hearing aids if necessary.

there is nothing more pig ignorant than someone who forces you to shout and repeat yourself constantly, because THEY don't want to do anything about it!