To ask how to be a single mum and get a good job?

[Shortofideas]

My time with DC is really important to me, as it is for most parents. My work has usually meant wrap around care and limited help from family. I am always back for bath and bedtime and I have to be because it's not possible to organise childcare for any later. It's important for DC as well that I'm there. It's also important because EOW ex has DC so my time with them is limited that way. I can't have a shorter work day because I have a long (and unavoidable) commute.

I try to get to school daytime events because ex never does. I can't bear to think of DC having no one there so a job with a little give and take where I can make up any missed hours is ideal.

I've had a two months of not working. I decided to leave my last job for personal reasons and took some time out. Now I need a job and a salary.

I'm going for a third interview on Monday for a senior role which would mean a long commute. It's not a small company and there are plenty of women there but they are generally young and childless. They don't currently do flexible working.

In the first two interviews I have been careful with what I say. They will know I'm a mother but not that I am single. My plan was to see if I got an offer and then try to negotiate some flexibility.

If I get the job they will want me to start immediately.

However, I have made plans for the summer holidays already which take up about 2.5 weeks minimum. Ex will have DC for part of the holidays as well.

What would you say if they ask about start dates or upcoming holidays?

I don't want my plans to stop me getting the job. I also don't want to let my DC down and not have the holidays I've planned (and paid for long ago). If I work when I'm supposed to be with DC I will hardly see them over the summer because at other times they will be with my ex. I'm sure the company could accommodate a week's holiday but more than that might put them off. If they ask me to start in September instead I won't have any pay until nearly October

I am good in interviews but this has been my downfall in the past. I don't know how to handle these questions. I lost a job some time ago because they wanted me to travel to the other side of the world and there was no way my circumstances would allow it. Since then I have no confidence talking about the challenges of managing home and work life.

God, that's long. Sorry.

It's fine to say you have plans in place. 2.5 weeks isn't much. If they were difficult about that then that would be unreasonable.

If they do ask you to start in September then I would accept that....you've gone this long without a salary and it would probably be hard but doable.

Don't get too anxious about what-ifs. Just get the job...get the job and then deal with the other issues.

I know a good number of single women with children who work and who also have wonderfully well-adjusted children. So don't worry about that.

I just don't talk about it. I just get on and do what I need to do. I work in the evening to make up for the fact I have to pick up from after school club by 5.30. I am a lone parent so care isn't shared at all. I don't negotiate flexibility, I just take it and make sure no one has an issue with my output. It helps that I have no fixed office location so no one really notices where I am.

Surely most companies will expect people to have booked summer holidays by now. You wait until you get the offer and then you tell them that you have already booked whatever dates you have booked and that's it.

Alternatively, could you do temp work over the summer period?

Sorry, meant to add that I'm a single mum & I've worked all the way through - and my DC are better than fine! They are nearly grown up now & they've not given me any trouble at all and one of them has additional needs too.

I've never known a company not be ok with pre-booked holidays before starting a new job, and if they know you've got DC then it's clear you're not just delaying for the sake of it - 2wks or so is absolutely standard.

I'd be completely upfront then everyone knows where they stand. You're only proposing being out for 2.5 weeks and it's about 9 weeks til Sept so they'd probably prefer you to start and take holiday rather than delay too.

On the flexible working, I think you'll need to play it by ear, but I was interviewing for a job at the time I split up with ex-DH and made it crystal clear what this meant in terms of limitations on overtime and being needed for sick days etc. I personally found that I felt far more comfortable about taking time off, working from home, asking for shorter hours etc because I'd been upfront about my position from the outset. They knew what they were getting!

Good luck with it all. It is so hard juggling work and no other parent around to stand in at sports days etc. But your DC will appreciate all your efforts!

I have a side line that gives me a very small income so I can do that in the meantime.

My ex's work means he's never available to help out and he's too selfish to want to. A lot of his time with DC over the summer will mean DC going to his family so he can work. It's frustrating that he doesn't have to or want to make the same compromises. My career has stalled since DC because of prioritising them, and he's earning far more than before. Same old story.

Go for it. I would say as little as possible about home life. However if you have a 2.5 holiday booked and I think you do then I think you should mention it - loads of people including married people have holidays booked in the summer. I would only mention it once you had the job offer however. (Writing as a single mother who works full time although youngest are teenagers now so I am over the childcare stage)

It's v normal, kids or not, to ask a new employer to honour holidays that were booked before you got the job. I've never had this sort of request turned down.

It's also quite normal to get a new job and then need to work notice in your old job. I appreciate this isn't the case in this instance but really, if they have to wait 2.5 weeks for you to start that's less than they'd have to wait for most people. Notice is often one, two or even three months long.

Also, I never mention the holiday I want them to honour until I have the job. I once got a new job then on the first day told them I was getting married in four month's time and needed a fortnight of for the wedding and honeymoon. They where fine about it.

As a line manager in a previous job new staff often asked me to honour their existing plans and I always did.

My DH once started a new job and asked them to honour a three week holiday we'd booked about a year before he got the job. They explained their usual policy was a max of two weeks off in one go, but they'd honour it as a one off. He still works for the same employer more than a decade later, so it didn't harm his career in the long term.

told them I was getting married in four month's time

But that's plenty of notice. If on day one say you have a holiday booked for the following week it put's everyone out. They may have given other staff leave at the same time. Most employers honour booked holidays and most expect you have holidays and the majority have children.

I'd been upfront to save stress later on, unless you are brazen enough to not care.