To ask (TW compulsive behaviours) if any other MNers experience dermatillomania?

[YesSheCan]

Having an anxiety flare and after a long time (several months) of not picking the skin on my face, I started again tonight and have made a big mess. Basically, part of my anxiety can involve compulsive skin picking. I was doing really well having made my own fiddle toys to break the habit but recently got a tiny premenstrual spot on cheek, one of those deep sore ones, and have succombed to squeezing the absolute shit out of it. Put a hydrocolloid dressing on it couple of days ago and it was almost healed then I prodded it tonight and there was still a sore 'core' to it so - sorry about this and don't ever do this to your skin in case any sensible person would - I stuck a pin into the 'blocked pore' repeatedly to 'get out the crap' (I perceive there to be a load of yucky gunk in there that I 'need' to remove then it will all be fixed. Of course, this is an overvalued idea and all I do is make a horrible weeping sore on my face that takes weeks to heal and it's so hard to leave it alone once it's there). Guess I'm just looking for someone to tell me they've had this and permanently kicked the habit. I'm not a drug or alcohol addict but this damn skin picking feels like an addiction and I've relapsed again.

I totally feel your pain, OP. It is a terrible addiction cycle, and very hard to break, besides nobody really recognises that it's a condition. As a teenager, I had very clear skin as well. At the age of 20 I started having an occasional pimple and I would pick on it until it was converted into a small or not so small wound. I would search my face for anything that could be squeezed and at some periods I would end up with my face covered in small red wounds, then I wouldn't go out of the house, wouldn't go to the classes (was at University at the time). I was aware that this was a psychological problem, but I didn't receive any support from my family at all, they were angry and disappointed as usual.
It lasted (on and off) from about 21 to 26, and left me with some scars, which only this year (I am about to turn 40) I am treating with laser. They are not so obvious, but I hate them and want to reduce them to a minimum.
I think the condition behind this is self-imposed perfectionism and the anxiety when we are under a lot of pressure. My parents have always criticised me too much, I was an excellent student and a child, but nothing was ever good enough for them. I am absolutely sure this was what pushed me into this self-harming behaviour.
When I moved abroad, at the age of 26, this behaviour slowly stopped, with some occasional outbursts, but eventually it stopped.

Just a few days ago, my parents were here to visit me, and I realised I really can't stand them anymore and I don't even care to pretend. Especially my father - his presence is really heavy, he complains constantly, disapproves of everything, it seems that I am always in the wrong, whatever I do. And I see now that for my own sanity, I had to move far away from them 15 years ago, to start a new life, in which I am me, without the toxic influence of anyone else.
After all, life is very short, and I don't owe any explanations to anyone.
I believe you should find your culprit and treat that - your self-harming habit is just a symptom.

I pick around my cuticles until they bleed and my fingers hurt so much I can't bend them, sometimes. No idea how to stop.

Thanks for starting this helpful thread.

Pingu and mynci, the mirrors tip is a really good one, it defo removes the opportunity to see all the crap oozing out when you squeeze (or at least this is what you hope you're going to see but it doesn't happen because huge amount of said crap isn't actually there). But I find I need tactile distractions a lot more as at its worst, I'm constantly scanning jawline with fingers for any bumpy or sore bits that are potential pick targets even if I can't see my face. Especially when driving and tired after busy day at work. Telling myself 'no' or 'stop' out loud as I realise hand is going up to face sometimes works. I've never really wanted a tattoo but I've even considered getting something positive tattooed along sides of both hands as a constant reminder. It would be a bit naff to have 'I deserve to heal' tattooed on my hands though!

Juliastone amen to 'life is very short and I don't owe any explanations to anyone' Glad you have made a better life for yourself away from family drama.

Figment YW, I'm glad it's helped other realise there are many other people affected by this.

All PPs, try the Stop Picking On Me website for selfhelp stuff. It is so very hard to stop and selfhelp might not be enough for some so also definitely recommend considering finding a good therapist.

I do this - it is horrible, I wish I could stop. I have depression and have just finished a course of CBT, and I was doing quite well with my skin but have relapsed and it is amess again now and very sore. for me tit is my face and all up my arms. I am late fifties and I'm sure people think it is really weird that I have spotty skin (they just don't realise it is self inflicted). I have some wounds that basically never heal because as soon as they start to heal I pick them again.

It is awful, I really wish I could stop, I am too embarrassed to tell anyone about it.

Mine is worse if I have something I have to go to where I would like to look nice - it is like I deliberately scupper any chance I have of looking respectable.