.. To think my brother shouldn't have to put up with this?

[Guardsman18]

Sorry but it's a neighbour one! I am hoping for some really sage advice before I do the wrong thing.

My DB approached me yesterday and said that he had a situation that he didn't know how to handle. I'd like to try and help him as I think this is the first time he has ever asked, so he must be desperate.

DB has lived alone in his link house for 30+ years. Lives very quietly, a few friends, enjoys his garden etc. He has seen neighbours come and go through the years. Has never had any issues with them.

A woman rented the house next door about 8 years ago. No problems there. Quick hello at the car, if he was cutting his patch of grass, he'd do hers too. Took in parcels once he'd retired and she was working.

However, 3 years ago, her boyfriend moved in and has made it very obvious that he 'doesn't like' my db. He has put up gates so that the window cleaner can't have access to db's house, erected a large fence between them which to be fair, db has said he has every right to do. Not a problem in itself.

For the last 2 and a half years - this is strange - ndn has been slamming doors repeatedly for hours and hours. He must be wearing himself out! Mondays count was 178 times. Girlfriend must have said something because db heard him say 'ah, fuck him'. They whisper all the time in the garden but when ndn wants him to hear, he speaks loud enough.

I have asked a friend of mine if he's a bit potty and he said no, that he was a great guy! Ndn speaks to everyone else - hi mate to postman, other neighbours etc.

Is there something we're not seeing? I did ask db if ndn thought he was coming on to his girlfriend but honestly I don't see it as his confidence is quite low. Db is a small man, quite shy and feels very intimidated.

I don't want to make db look foolish but I don't think this right do you?

Should I approach her and appeal to her better nature, send someone round (ha, ha) .... I'm at a loss to understand what motivates people like this. My db is hardly an awful neighbour having loud parties.

Any advice or opinions will be gratefully recieved

Anyone?

Well, he could be perfectly capable of having normal conversations with people but have something like OCD or another ritualistic behaviour disorder that causes the door slamming. Could you brother go round while the boyfriend isn't in? Maybe ask to have a coffee with the original neighbour and ask if there's anything that she could tell him that might help him understand the situation better?

Maybe you can go to dbs house and invite them for a cup of tea. Just say ‘is there anything you need to raise with us as I get the impression you are unhappy with me. I may be mistaken’. If he says ‘nothing’ then it’s on record. If he decides to raise an issue ‘your alarm goes off at 5am and you take ten minutes to turn it off’ that can be addressed.

Could you brother go round while the boyfriend isn't in?

I wouldn't advise that, he could be jealous and it could make things worse.

If it was my neighbour I'd go round when the boyfriend wasn't there and speak to the woman about it.
If it continued I'd be recording the noise and asking the council department that deals with nuisance noise/neighbours to come round and listen themselves.

*If it was my brother, not neighbour.

Ok. Thank you. Different opinions, which is great as it gives me something to 'work with'. I just don't understand how the girlfriend can listen to the door slamming although it's more in the day than the night as she works and he doesn't

I'd definitely get db to speak to the original neighbour about it - just a quick "he seems a little off with me of late, have I done something to upset him that I should apologise for or perhaps change? I don't mean to cause any upset"

If it was my neighbour I'd go round when the boyfriend wasn't there

Not sure how that's any different?

Thanks merlot but that's sort of the problem, that he doesn't feel able/confident enough to do that which is why he has asked me for advice

ArmySal, that's what I think I'll go with. Speak to her and appeal to her better nature as i said previously. The mad thing is that the guy has obviously taken a dislike to my db but I could take people up to his house for , say a drink in the garden, and they would know these neighbours. I know it's playing games but I think they see him as an old saddo with nobody and really it's not like that.

I hope that made sense? It did to me!

I know exactly what you mean

Hope it gets sorted.

Is there a possibility they want to buy your brothers house?

It did cross my mind Giraffe, so thanks. Why though? They rent theirs or she does. What makes you think that?

It seems very strange to slam doors like that. Is there anything else the noise could be? Lifting weights?

A call to environmental health to ask for their advice about the door slamming may also be a good idea - slamming doors occasionally is a fact of life living in an attached house. However the number of slams is not normal and I would argue accounts for anti-social behaviour.

Speak with EH and they may give some advice, alternatively maybe citizens advice is there is another anti social behaviour route.

Has your brother sounded proofed his house, he could also complain to the landlord

I suggested soundproofing but why should he? Door slamming is not like having the tv on too loud or normal everyday noises is it?

He should n’t have to sound proof his house, but it’s practical solution