To worry that ds is going to struggle socially?

[endoftether82]

Ds is 3.5, smart, sweet and in most ways a typical boy of his age. He's physical and over excitable.

I've always wondered if he's a bit socially awkward, partly because I've got very few comparisons, and also partly because I'm generally anxious.

Nursery have never flagged anything up about his behaviour but equally it's not like he's being invited to a party every other weekend.

We were just at the playground, and it was the End of the school day, so loads of 6/7 year olds about. He made an immediate beeline for the older boys who were happily playing some game with each other. He just started following them round, and saying weird things in an effort to join in. Eventually I saw the older kids getting really annoyed and telling him to go away.

I know it's ridiculous, but I felt so sad. I've always worried a bit about him, for no concrete reasons. Am I just projecting too much onto this scenario?

I think you're worrying too much. Older kids always find younger kids annoying. Both my kids are socially awkward (one has autism) and they are happy enough and have found equally socially awkward friends!

He's only 3 - he'll be fine I'm sure!

I wouldn’t worry OP: he is only little and he sounds like a lovely, happy little boy. My DD is the same age & once tried to engage with older girls at the park, who mocked her. It was a bit painful to watch, but I just tried to distract her & engage her elsewhere. She wasn’t bothered in the slightest.

He will develop through nursery & reception, as they all do (I find they are still mainly parallel playing at this age).

Six and seven year olds don’t usually want to play with little kids. If nursery don’t think there is an issue I wouldn’t be concerned.

He will find his friends don't worry. But do make an effort to gently and continually teach him helpful social skills and unwritten rules like 'the older boys might want to be left alone'. I heard a Mo Farah quote 'dont dream of success, train for it'. Likewise, don't worry about it, parent for it .

My son’s a very atypical boy (not particularly sporty/ rough and tumble etc). I worried about him, especially when he first started school and his teacher told me me he was “quirky” and that he played on his own a lot. He’s now 8 and has a lovely group of friends. Honestly don’t worry

Thank you so much everyone. Such nice comments and reassuring too. I suspect my ds might also be labelled "quirky" at school.
Which I have zero problem with. I just want him to find friends and be happy.

I was you a few years ago. I really wouldn't worry. 3 year olds don't really have friends, at that age party invites and play dates tend to be where the parents know each other. Most kids that age don't have great social skills. He will start to come into his own socially in a year or 2 - my ds is end of reception and is only now starting to develop proper friendships.

If it helps you feel better, try to be a bit proactive (disclaimer this is mainly for your benefit and not his). If you have friends or family with kids try and spend time with them, go to the odd playgroup or activity, play turn taking games at home and share things like snacks.

At that age I would take mine to the park and let them interact with other kids. Its a great idea imo!

Usually solo kids are more likely to respond or initiate. Sometimes groups would be lovely and include but you just have to shrug your shoulders if they don't want to. I would be looking to see if I should distract him away from kids who clearly are not bothered - and yes two six or seven year olds are most likely to ignore the little ones!

Don't worry: you are doing all the right things in giving him opportunities. I'd just say matter of factory "oh they don't want to play right now," showing him it's no big deal. (However I do know these things can hit us where it hurts!)

When mine was that age he used to go and hang around 10 year olds at the local jungle gym place. I was quite embarrassed because they were clearly irritated (although they tried to be kind!) but he was oblivious.

He's now 21 with no particular social problems & plenty of friends.

Don't worry. Your little boy sounds like a sweetheart.

Fact:

All 3 yr olds are weird honestly, they are. Most 4/5/6 yr olds too

Social skills are learned, and your DS is just starting the long path of learning acceptable social behaviour.

Some kids learn quicker than others

Fact 2: being invited to lots of parties does not equate social "success". Some kids/people are introverted and don't even like parties (do you?)

Chill out a bit, if you can... there will be lots of occasions where other kids are mean to him(happens to all kids), he will at times struggle with friendship issues (all kids do) he will at times feel like an outsider (happens to most people) but most importantly, he will learn from his experiences and develop his social skills over time and learn where he fits in, who his friends are, if he is a party person or a 121 person and lots more

Thank you so so much everyone. You're all being so kind and giving such good advice. This is exactly what I need to hear. As in giving me a kick to the backside.

I do worry my 3 year old is particularly weird. He's great but very unusual! But it's good to hear that isn't a blocker to getting a nice group of friends.

I'll keep encouraging interactions of various kinds. I specifically didn't get involved in this one, just to see what would happen. Obviously when they told him to go away, I redirected him. Being a kid is so brutal.

On the 'quirky' side my middle DS is downright weird. He spent about two years speaking in miaows. He asked for a dog bed to sleep in for Christmas. He's 9 and last night he got a peg stuck on his tongue
I was always worried about him not fitting in but he's incredibly popular. I think it's something to be celebrated. We always say that DS is more unique than most.
At three he's only tiny and the social skills will come. This is all part of learning them. He'll be fine.

I think all kids are like this my 19mo DS will want to play with his 8yo cousins and has no social awareness, but my 8yo DSS would try to impress 10/11yo's in the same circumstances. Its a weird "older = cooler" thing. Nothing to be concerned about, your ds sounds lovely.