In my mid 20's I met and became very close with a girl I worked with. We had both faced a recent similer trajedy in our lives and as a result we both had a sort of mini breakdown and as a result of dropped out of life for a bit.
We had both done really well in well in our degrees, I had started a masters and her early career after leaving university was very impressive. We didn't know each other at this point we met when we both worked backshift in a call centre after our lives went badly wrong and we dropped out of school and career respectively. Right away I know she was very clever and I was even a bit intimidated by her. As we got close I felt like she was the only person who could understand me, we spend a lot of time together at that point and it was a very healing friendship for me.
However as time went buy I started to commit to a new path in life. I got promotion in the call centre then became a team leader and manager before eventually moving to another job in the same field with better pay. I bought a house with my partner, got married and had a child. I built a life for myself, it wasn't the life I planned but it is something.
My friend lingered on in the call centre job for a few years then eventually went back to university to get her masters. After she graduated 7 years ago she never worked again, first she was unable to find work, then she became ill with a chronic pain condition. She was on benefits all that time. At this point she also started to gain a lot of weight and is now obese and over 16 stone.
She used to make the effort to do some sport but she stopped so the weight piled on. The clothes she wears are awful, ill fitting and her shoes have holes in them. I asked her if she couldn't afford better clothes but she just says she hates spending money on clothes which look crap on her anyway so she just buys the cheapest thing she can which covers her up. She hasn't had her hair cut in years so its very long and straggly she just puts it up but it still looks awful.
She is always clean and she doesn't smell at all but its clear she doesn't take any pride or care of her appearance and will do things like wear a big overcoat on a hot day like today to "hide in" not realising doing so just draws attention to her. She is in general very socially awkward (very self conscious) and for the past 10 years I have mostly not included her in group gatherings with my other friends.
After years of living with her family well into her 30's she does now live with her partner in his house and relies on him financially so she has no security in her own right. I think they would get marreid but she doesn't want to be a fat bride. They don't plan to have children.
I feel like she is in some kind of "suspended animation" pne day she will take action and get her career back on track, lose weight and start to dress better but she is in her early 40's now and time doesn't stand still for anyone.
She claims she isn't depressed but feels that the cards are stacked against her and she is very self critical. She says is always on the verge of getting her shit together but it just never happens. Its getting to be a bit of a drag really and at times I've felt embaressed to be seen with her I am ashamed to say. I think her partner (who does love her ) feels the same way at times which is really sad.
I think she could be a brilliant person, she was when she was younger I think and when I first knew her I could still see that in her but she is just so far off path now I don't know if she can come back iyswim?
She just doesn't do anything and I'm finding it more and more frustrating to spend time with her. Would it be so awful if I distanced myself from her now because I am getting nothing from this friendship anymore just feeling guilty and wanting out.