Post baby resentment towards mum

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Reluctantly posting but dont know anyone i can discuss this with. I have a 2 month old baby and since he was born I have felt this overwhelming resentment towards my mum. I'm not sure when exactly it started or why. I've just found myself infuriated at her for ridiculous or no particular reason.

When growing up my mum was very distant, I was the eldest and felt like I was left to get on with it, and forced to move out early. But since moving out we have always had a great relationship until now. She has been really excited about the baby and was first to know, and bought a lot of stuff for him when I was pregnant (I never asked). I had quite a traumatic birth experience and felt like she had brushed it off a little bit, I was exhausted and trying to focus on my baby who was in NICU and she was bombarding me with messages about this that and the other and I felt a bit overwhelmed. I feel like she is a bit jealous, as I can't always reply to get messages as I have a baby to look after.

She visited a couple of times (2) when he was eventually home with half the family which I asked her not to, and then I feel like she expected me to bring him there all the time. I didn't, i was in a fog for a couple of weeks, was quite poorly with recurring mastitis and was feeling very anxious as he was a bit prem and had difficulty breathing etc when he was born. She was telling me I had to go out for the day and she would watch the baby, he was only a week old and I was expressing and it just wasn't practical. She never asked how I was and instead was then messaging me asking what my problem was. I explained my situation then my dad was calling asking me the same and saying mum was really upset etc. Then nothing from her for 3 weeks until eventually I had to go hers to break the silence.

I think I know I'm being unreasonable, but it's just a feeling in the back of my head that I generally just feel incredibly angry with her for no particular reason. Just wondered if anyone else had experienced this and how I can get over it? Sorry if this isnt very clear, I'm just ranting I think to get it off my chest

You are so NOT being unreasonable. Your mum sounds awful.
Look after yourself and your baby.
Have you spoken to health visitor/GP?
Could you have PND?

Oh dear she sounds hard work op.

Look I think you are giving her way too much head space. Forget her for a while. Concentrate on you your health and your baby.
Have you a partner or good friends you can chat to? Or a hcp.

Giving birth and having a tough birth is shocking and I don’t think we appreciate that as much as we should and I honestly think many women have ptsd post difficult births and don’t get the help they need.

If she’s not helpful to you keep her distant and only have people helping who are actually helping you.,

And my deepest sympathy on your mastitis. It’s fucking hideous isn’t .

The reason you're angry with her is because she's being a self-involved cow at a time when you need care and love. Perfectly rational.

I also struggled with my relationship with my mum after having my baby. In the light of the love I felt for my child, some of the things she had done when I was a child, most particularly walking out on me and my sister when we were 2 and 4, just seemed unforgivable. It got better as the hormones subsided, but I think it's normal to reassess your parents and their parenting when you become a parent yourself.

Go easy on yourself! Decide what your boundaries are with your mum (and your dad, if he's acting as her catspaw) and stick to them. Ignore any tantruming or sulking. Do what's best for you and your baby. Enjoy your baby! Sounds like you have both had a tough time until now, so just put yourselves first for a bit. Good luck! xx

Oh lovely you are not the unreasonable one at all. Your mum sounds hard work and self absorbed. No mum would want to leave their baby at a week old. She really is a sulking child- I can't get my own way so I'll stop speaking to you and sulk.

It is her that has the problem, not you. Don't let her or your dad tell you otherwise. Big hug.

It's when you become a mother yourself that you really understand what kind of mother you had growing up. And it can be a pretty rude awakening, which it seems to be in your case.

At the same time, you're navigating first time motherhood (I am assuming because you don't mention other children) and I am also assuming this is your mum's first grandchild. You're both navigating totally new roles. And you're no longer exclusively your mum's daughter, she has to share you with your own child now. She is not the top priority. Most mums totally relish in their kids' journey into parenthood. Most parents embrace the total joy in watching their own babies make and raise babies. In your case, it sounds like your mum is a bit self-centred.
You've had a good relationship. I'd work on remembering this, remembering her good qualities, and be unafraid of just being straight with her at all times. The dynamic of your relationship is forevermore changed now that you're a mum. She needs to step back and let you put your family's needs first. She will, if she's a good, loving person. It will just take time. But this is a great opportunity for you to draw lines in the sand with your mum, set boundaries now so that you're not dealing with the headache of a narcissistic granny when your child is 7 years old.
You've been through a hell of a lot. Your birth experience could certainly bring on a bit of depression, so don't be afraid to admit to yourself that you're struggling. I've struggled after totally normal, straight-forward births. You've had so much to cope with. Remember, you first, OP.
Fit your oxygen mask first. Everyone else comes second.

Thank you everyone, I have a husband but not sure he really understands why I feel the way I feel either. The HV did suggest I should maybe pay a visit to the GP maybe that could be contributing to my feelings. He is my first so I'm feeling maybe a bit overly anxious and protective of him.

Interesting points TheVanguardSix and makes a lot of sense thank you.