Racist song sung to my son

[ZolaShepherd]

Okay so not a AIBU because I know I’m not being unnecessary but AIBU to cut all contact instantly?

5yo DS was playing races with the other children on the street after school, during this another 5yo DC said to DS1 ‘n word, n word, n word’ and laughed, I wasn’t sure at first and said ‘what did you just say X’ and he said it again. I told him he mustn’t say it and that it was very hurtful.

I then told his DM when she came back out, and she was all, ‘it’s a song’, ‘he doesn’t mean it’, no apology just defensive. I said I was shocked that there was no apology and that she was dismissing it as just a song and not seeing the severity of the word.

Her partner has messaged me saying that he’s very sorry for what his son said, but I’m not really buying it.

Can I just cut them off? Or is it incredibly rude to just not speak to them again?

Cut them off. Disgusting behaviour. I’m sorry your son was subjected to this

Sorry OP. That's horrible. I hope your DC is OK. Not really the other child's fault, he's picked that up from somewhere, probably home. I wouldn't take the risk & would go no contact. Keep the upper hand & remain civil but don't let that poison near your family.

Well, it's not a word he will have heard either from television or from school so it is highly likely he heard it from his family, unfortunately. It's good that the father apologised, if he is at all decent he must be absolutely mortified. Probably best to avoid the whole family though

I’m so sorry your poor DS heard that .

The other DC was only 5 so could have no real concept of what he was saying. The father apologised.

The issue seems to be the mother, who wasn’t mortified and apologetic when you told her what her DS had said.

Yes I would give her and her child a wide berth from now on.

I text the father and thank him for his apology and support. But I'm a bit unclear was she referring to the Kayne West song ? The n word is racist, offensive and disgusting, but Mr West says it over and over in some of his songs. In which case maybe her defensiveness (maybe) was saying it was only a song -was her implying that her child wasn't being racist as child didn't know and was just repeating? It sounds like mum and dad have spoken to together and realised she reacted badly -so smoothed it over.

If you wanted to take a very high ground -I'd accept the apology and when playing / hearing something again or when the opportunity arises with the kids- try and make it a learning opportunity about not repeating words that are offensive etc?

YADNBU. Going by the mothers defensive attitude he must be hearing it in the house.
However with the best will in the world youll never stop kids playing together

What an awful reaction from the mother! A 5 year old can easily be taught what words are (completely) inappropriate, and she should’ve taken the time to explain to her child that it’s not a word to be used - in front of you & your child.

I can understand why you want to give them a wide berth.

Definitely heard from home, perhaps it is from a Kanye/Chris Brown song but he seemed to know what context to use it in as DS was the only child that was mixed raced playing.

DS is okay and didn’t seem to really notice, I really hope he doesn’t remember it.

bertielab
I don't know Kanye's stuff very well but surely if it's played on daytime radio the offensive words are muted? So this boy must have heard a version not appropriate for his age. Also if just "hearing" the song and not knowing what the word means then why would he sing it at the Op's son specifically?

Give them a wide berth. This is an extremely racist thing for a 5 year old to say and while the five year old can't be blamed his family most certainly can.

Probably Freaky Friday, a song which is ridiculously overplayed and obviously there’s the part about now he’s black he can say the n word.

I don't think you're unreasonable for wanting to cut contact, but if this is one of the other kids on the street your ds is growing up on, is no contact actually possible without your ds having to stay in while the other kids play out?

oh just cut them off
who cares if they think it's rude

the mum didn't even think to apologise, she was rude.

goodness knows how they are raising their DC so you're well rid of them.

Agree - the issue is not that the child said a racist word which he probably didn't really understand, the issue is that the mother didn't apologise and tell the child that what he said was wrong.

I wouldn't blame you for cutting them off. However I think it might be difficult to cut contact completely if they're neighbours and the kids play together in the street regularly, as this would probably involve keeping your DS indoors, which is unfair. Is it possible that the mum might just be one of these annoying women who insist their little angel is innocent no matter what he's accused of? Could you just monitor carefully so your DS doesn't have to be excluded from playing with all of the kids in the street?

He might have heard it at school from another child and didn't realise what he was saying was wrong.

Most def the freaky Friday song.

Most older primary kids will have YouTube'd the video for freaky Friday and heard the bit with the n word said repeatedly. So a 5 year old will easily have heard it from older kids.
However the mum should have apologised profusely and made a point of explaining to get child about not using it.
Only benefit of the doubt if I was feeling merciful us that mum was caught off guard and is now mortified and embarrassed.
But only you will get a sense of that from interaction in the next few days.