To ask if it gets better?

[NellythePink]

My husband left a month ago, when DD (first D.C.) was 5 weeks old. We were together for 12 years, married for 18 months. He told me when I was 5 months pregnant that he was unhappy with our life and thinking of leaving. Things came to a head when he came home after drinking all day and picked up DD, and I had to ask him to put her down as he was clearly swaying and unsteady on his feet.

I have been staying with my parents, and my friends and family have been very supportive. Has anyone ever been through anything like this and come out the other side feeling happy? I am devastated, I feel like I don't know who I am without him, and my self esteem is non existent.

I know that in a lot of ways DD and I are better off. He has a drinking problem and regularly spent all of our money so we were always skint. Also, looking back on it, he must have stopped loving me years ago, as he never made an effort or made me feel special.

I just feel like nobody else is ever going to want me, now that I am nearly 33 and a single mother who is carrying a ton of baby weight and can't get through a day without crying.

AIBU to hope that things will get better, and I won't always be on my own?

It gets better! Babies get easier from around 6 weeks when they start giving back with the occasional smile etc. Being a single parent is blooming hard but in some ways easier than being in an unhappy relationship. My advice to you is to join Gingerbread and concentrate on you and DD. Don't stress about the baby weight for now. Just do what you need to do to get through. Your ex sounds like a tosser with shitty timing so big hugs to you x

Oh OP that sounds really hard. What a twat. I promise you it does get better. I remember the actual physical pain when my marriage ended but a few years down the line I am happy. My kids are happy and we have a lovely close little family. Don’t worry at the moment about how you look or if anyone will fancy you again as I am sure they will. Your confidence has taken an absolutely battering courtesy of that wanker but I promise that over time you will start to feel like you again and you will build yourself back up. It’s such early days so don’t expect to feel better overnight but there is light at the end of the tunnel. You will get there.

Agree with @Kitkatsky, it does get better.
Anger will kick in eventually and then you’ll realise you can do a supremely better job as a mum when your dd doesn’t see her df drunk or indifferent. Then you’ll see her bloom and that brings confidence, And confidence is very attractive.

Until then, be kind to yourself, enjoy the summer and focus on dd. Take the chance to rest and get dd in a good routine.

You are worth 50 of your ex.

@kitkatsky I'd never heard of Gingerbread, thank you. 

@MuffinTip @Kingsclerelass Thanks for the support. I know that I need to focus on now for a while and stop thinking about what is to come, but it is difficult.

Yes, pretty much my story except that I was 25 and kids were 2 and 8 weeks. As you say, you will be skint, but better off financially than if you are supporting kids on what's left after a drinker has had the money. Your kids are young enough not to be too traumatised. You will find out who your friends are, and things will get better. But after 12 years you will need to grieve for what you thought you had, and for the good times in your marriage. Watch out though, the world is full of charming but useless men looking for an instant family with a single mum who is prepared to put up with a drunken selfish arsehole to avoid being alone. They will turn up as soon as you are back on your feet, and you are better off without them.

@NellythePink they've pulled me through some super shit times. I was single for 3 years but now I've met the most amazing man and been with him for 18 months. Don't focus on the future for now tho- focus on getting through the day. You're going to be fine- pm me if you like. I'd be happy to help if i can. Some people were so kind to me when I became a single parent that I'd love to pay it forward x

33? Just a baby!!! You've got your whole life ahead of you, and there's one Loser out there who won't be lucky enough to be part of it! You're well out of it...

If you are much of a reader I would suggest you read the book Watermelon by Marian keyes. What you have put there has just reminded me of that book so much and it does have a hea and is a good read. I dont have much advice, although other pp have had good advice from what I've read, but i hope you feel better in time op, and shame on him for doing this to you 💐