To feel overwhelmed

[BinkyTheBlinky]

I’m not having a good week.

I have two girls. They are 3 and just turned 1. I work three days per week in a very full on, difficult and competitive job. I’m really doing five days work in three so most nights I’m working at the kitchen table. Please don tell me to raise this with my boss because it’s not the sort of job in which you can show that sort of weakness 😕

I’m supposed to enjoy my days with the girls but since the youngest has learned to crawl and pull herself up, they have been an exhausting nightmare. She’s absolutely wild (much more so than DD1) and fearless and it is a struggle every day to prevent serious injury. She’s fab, utterly hilarious but she might really kill me. She will not be held unless she’s upset and she naps for 30 mins at a time (although will sleep 2 hours in nursery 🤷🏻‍♀️)

DD1 is miserable because we barely get any time together and I feel like she plays alone a lot. I feel so guilty. It takes us so long to get out because I can’t focus on any one task because of DD2.

Whilst I can see that they are fond of each other, the are jealous and the girls will fight (mainly over toys and me) and cry and push and DD2 hits DD1 in anger (DD1 never retaliates) so DD1 screams bloody murder.

Today has been a bad day. I’m not feeling well so I set up all the toys and the paddling pool in the garden. They fell out over Megablox and were both roaring and the neighbours were staring. I have given up now and put toy story on. Great.

The house is a riot. My job is not going well. I want to just fuck it all off.

Tell me it gets better. I feel like I have lost my way

Sit down and watch Toy Story
It's bloody good.

You have not lost your way! You are the mother of two very young children and you're working. Chaos, exhaustion and craziness are par for the course, I'm afraid! From my experience, the best you can do is just take it one day at a time. It WILL get better, I promise!

Put dd2 in a playpen if she gets too much

My two girls are nearly 11 months and just turned two. I've just got the little one to sleep after being screamed for forty five minutes because she was tired. I've made a cuppa and I'm watching Beauty and the Beast with the eldest, it's her favourite and a bit of tv won't hurt her.

Have you got an older Mum/aunt/neighbour who could help? My neighbour has 2 wee ones and I've often said to give me a shout. I'd be delighted to sit with them for a couple of hours, it's lovely getting the chance to be around wee ones now and again. Ask for help, don't be shy, most of us have been there and know how hard it can be.

We have tried a playpen. She went absolutely off her head. She isn’t the sort of child who will play with a toy for any length of time. She is entertained for two mins max then it’s on to the next thing. She is also incredibly nosy and doesn’t like to be left out of things.

Don’t really have anyone around who can help. My parents live far away and my in-laws work full time. They are going to come and sit for them on Saturday to allow us to get out for a bite to eat but I feel so low and unwell that I don’t think I can even face it

Can you slip away with the older one while DD2 is watching toy story?

I've been known to leave a high quality snack in a room and usher one child in without mentioning the snack. They will eat it silently because they're not sure it's for them (especially if TV is on) while I tiptoe out to deal with the other separately.

I have surreptitiously left younger ones with something they're not strictly allowed to have (such the remainder of a packet of digestives or a non-breakable older child's toy) and mentally closed my eyes and ears to noise/mess/yelling for twenty ten minutes.

I also find that an almost empty jar of nutella keeps a child occupied for a long time.

But it's so hot. Everything seems harder when people are hot. I wouldn't take stock today.

I recommend going to somewhere outdoorsy with a takeaway on Saturday. You should definitely go and complain/cry/walk about crossly at an adult pace. It's good to stride out without the little ball and chains. Somewhere you don't have to smile and talk softly :)

I had my 2 girls within 18 months of each other. It was hell until the youngest was about 2.5 - hang in there! I’m sorry your job sounds so hard (I work and did when they were tiny but my job is easy and stress free) - but the kid thing will get better and soon be a distant memory. Definitely take the chance for a break this weekend - we had no relatives nearby at all and I used to just cry all the time just for 10 minutes of peace. It WILL get better!

My two are age 11 and 15 now. It definitely gets a lot lot easier. Those early years are pretty hellish, but it will pass.

Goodness you have two babies ( one at the worst stage of 'pulling up' and falling over ) and a job also.
Cut yourself some slack, I guarantee it will get better.
Don't over analyse it and wonder why it's not all amazing.
It's a really hard stage and it will get better.
I have 5 kids and the years up to age 4 were the worst. I used to wonder where the joy was, where the reward was.They were non stop, full on, non sleeping, totally intense hard work lol!!
They are now fabulous...you will get there OP x.

Please don’t judge yourself on today. My DC are similar in age and the year they were 3 and 1 was fucking hellish - my job was MENTAL that year, no family close by, and DC2 was a right total tantrumy stubborn PITA much as you describe, and DC1 was tiny in retrospect but seemed so much more grown up so we expected more and were disappointed when our unreasonable expectations were thwarted!

This too shall pass.

Mine are bigger and badder now, and I look back and wonder How? How did we cope? But we did and you will too.

Go out on Saturday even if you’re not feeling great. Make sure your DH is taking the strain too. Consider if more childcare is not actually the pragmatic thing (if you can afford it).

I send you plenty of and also .

All shall be well. The days are long but the years are short and sooner than you know you’ll be looking back like me and thinking How?.

Dd's are 5 and 3 and it's easier now, I think it got easier when the youngest got closer to 2 and could 'do' more. The best thing I found with my two was a giant cement mixing tray (new and never used for cement obviously) throw a bag of cheap pasta and some playdoh in it or something they can tear up, raid the recycling box or £1 shop tissue paper and post it notes went down well. Only most of the mess stays in the tray but I could actually drink a hot cup of tea and have those precious few sanity moments. I also found an earlyish morning walk round the block helped, nothing big just 10 mins or so counting cats, looking at flowers or whatever just to blow the cobwebs away then back home. My oldest has told me that sometimes all she really needs is an extra cuddle and to all sit and watch TV together.

The hardest year of my life was when I had a 3 year of and 1 year old. Cut yourself some slack.

Get to a playgroup at least one of your 2 days. plan the park or a playmate into the other. Don't give yourself a full day on your own with them with no plans. Could you enrol your 2 year old in something like swimming/dancing/music and movement so that she had something scheduled and organised that is all about her? ( I know occupying dd2 wouldn't be easy but a lot of these groups are fine about younger siblings)

also if half a day Is spent in front of the tv it won't do them any harm.

Could you put the youngest in nursery for half a day when you aren't working, so that you can have some down time with DD1?
Or could you and OH tag team at the weekend, so that he has one on one time with DD1, and you with DD2? Then the next day, or weekend, swap it around.
This time will pass!

I was going to say extra nursery day for the youngest. She's obviously happy there as she naps so well and you can focus on poor DD1.