To have not spoken out in supermarket

[NCbecauseIdontwanttooutasaman]

In the supermarket a couple of weeks ago with my son (4) I saw what I would guess was grandfather and his granddaughter aged approx 14. From the moment I saw them he made me uncomfortable in his behaviour to her. He was inappropriate throughout which included walking the length of an aisle with his arm tightly around her then patting her bum twice. After they paid they were sat waiting for other people and he pushed her head into his lap and held it there.

I sent an email to a social worker that I know (with much more detail than above) which included their descriptions and the registration of the car they got in. She passed it on to another team, something like MERT who she said would follow up on it.

My AIBU is should I have intervened direct or done something more?

Bump

What would you have done though? I don't see any way intervention would have gone well, tbh. I think you did the right thing in raising concerns and hopefully it will be followed up and action taken if needed.

You already did more than enough op (in a good way), sadly most people just look the other way and think mind your own business. Well done you.

No point in intervening there and then. What would it have achieved? Whatever is going on there is happening far more regularly than just a one off.

What would you have done though? I don't see any way intervention would have gone well, tbh.

This. Wouldn’t have gone well, Not would it have brought about a desirable outcome. She needs proper help. She might get it now, thanks to you.

I don't think intervening at the time would have made the slightest difference.

What you did gives the best chance of something being done to help the girl.

tbh that is so brazen I can't help but think there is something more going on there, possibly dementia-related disinhibition? But either way the girl shouldn't be subjected to that kind of behaviour so you did the right thing by drawing it to the attention of the authorities - hopefully they will get the girl the help she needs, be that police involvement, family support or whatever. Good on you for taking responsibility.

What you did was better than speaking at the time. He has no idea SS are on to him, and won't hide it or groom her any further to stay silent.

If he does have dementia, her parents need to know not to leave her at risk like this any more.

What could you of actually done do you think? Madly accused the man of what abusing the child in public? How do you imagine that would of gone down? If something is going on I’m not sure that would of helped in any way really

It may or may not be innocent either way you did more than most would and passed all the information you had on to the relevant services

You did entirely the right thing.

That's awful.

how do you know they were grandfather and daughter though?

You did the right thing though, good thinking.

Other than take video / photo evidence there is nothing more you could have done, doing that could have put you at risk.

You did the right thing.

When doing any form of child protection training you have it drummed into you NOT to alert an abuser to the fact that SS are on to them if there is a significant risk that the abuse will worsen if the abuser is aware SS are on to them. You absolutely did the right thing by reporting what you saw and not mentioning it to the adults at the time.

You did the best thing, there is probably more of a chance of something been done about it with you reporting what happened, I think if you would have openly confronted him he'd of just been more secretive about it in the future.

You did exactly the right thing. Obv very disturbing but now in the hands of SS to investigate. Lucky we have people looking out for children like you have, taking time to make notes etc.

You did the right thing and she could be anyone not grandchild - there's god awful stuff that happens out there so hopefully this'll get followed up appropriately

Reminds me of when I saw a young teenager in Asda with a man who could have been either her older Father or Grandfather (IF he was that at all) and she was stood close behind him with her arms around him and up his shirt stroking his chest and stomach. He was stood there with his stomach out. It turned my stomach yet I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to cause a scene. I’m glad you reported it, I wish I had.

I suppose it's the worry that nothing comes of any investigation I could have at least made him think twice about doing it. Our local social services are very good (we've adopted and I do voluntary work for adoption services so I've had a lot of exposure to them) so I'm sure if there is something that can be done they will do it.

I'd say he was he grandfather because she was about 14 and he was 55-65 and the bit of conversation I heard he was talking about sending her away somewhere she was pleading not to be sent to so he was definitely in a position of authority over her.

I think I did the right thing but feel sorry for her and want a bit of reassurance, thank you everyone.

You probably did the right thing but I looked 14 up till being about 22 or so. Still very unpleasant behaviour though and hopefully social services will investigate properly.

You would never have made him think twice about doing it, you'd only have made him be more discrete in public and made him be more careful about raising suspicion. You dealt with it in exactly the right way.

Social workers don't have access to check car registration numbers.

My first point of contact would have been to phone the police there and then. You are assuming they are related but what if she is a missing child or a vulnerable child in care or even a trafficked child?

Again the police can check cctv from the shop, I'm really not sure why you went to social services as unless you know the identity of these people there's nothing at all they can do.

Rather than allowing him to continue holding her head in his lap I would have gone over and pretended to have known him. Called him Bob from the bowling club, something, anything to distract him from abusing the child.

It's really sad that that girl whoever she is is thinking that she's never going to get help as everyone ignored what he does to her in such a public place.

Rather than allowing him to continue holding her head in his lap I would have gone over and pretended to have known him. Called him Bob from the bowling club, something, anything to distract him from abusing the child.

And then what? Kidnapped the teenager yourself? If he’s behaving like that in public, it’s an ongoing scenario. What’s “Hello Bob”, “I’m not Bob” going to achieve?

Failingat40, I have to disagree with all of your advice.

OP you did the right thing.

You did the right thing.

@Battleax it would be a non confrontational way to stop him doing what he was doing. Can you really not see that? Bob/Dave/Jim it doesn't matter.
Engaging him in spurious conversation gives the girl a chance to leave if she wants to.

@Rollonweekend care to explain why?

I think leaving will involve more than her strolling out of a supermarket Falling. If a stranger making small talk was all it took she wouldn’t be being groped and abused in the first place. With the greatest of respect, you’re not understanding the reality of coercive dynamics for a fourteen year old,