To want to move away

[Gingerninj]

Recently separated from husband, he's been living with the women he cheated on me with, seems happy enough. I dont feel like there's much left here for me. My DC don't even seem happy here, well my older two are struggling with school and my youngest doesn't really understand what's going on. I'm honestly considering moving so we can have a fresh start. Yet i can't really take DC away from their dad can i?

Yes, you can take the child away. It's not your fault the father cheated on you and his actions have consequences. A clean break is what you need.

Go. Go near family or friends or the coast or wherever will make you happy. Look for a great school that will bring out the best in your children and a lifestyle that will bring out the best in you.

In my mind, he's the one who broke up the family by cheating. If you want to move somewhere for a better life for yourself and your DCs then do it. Tough luck on him! Your DCs need a happy and contented mum. So if moving can make that happen then you all deserve it. It would be different if you were just doing it out of revenge obviously. But why should you have to consider him now in your decisions? He didn't consider his family when he left for another woman.

If you are the one to move away, you may well end up being told by the court that YOU have to do all the travelling to fetch your dc to have contact with him.

I despise how on here, some people think it's fine to say this when I know there'd be an asbolute outcry about a father trying to do this. I see that he's at fault for cheating, but that is to do with you, not your children.

Yes you should move if it best for you. Your children will be happier if you are happy. If you do move their father can visit your new town (but not your home) and see them if he wants to.
Do what is best for you and your children.

Yes you can, I did

Maelstrop So the OP has to suffer for the rest of her life because her ex is a dick?

No!

She can live her life as she pleases and if the court says she should make arrangements re access, she will have to take that into account. Let’s face it, the ex prefers his new woman to the children or he wouldn't have left them. We don’t even know he wants to see them.

It depends. How far away? Why aren't you and the children happy? Is your ex a good dad (which is different from being a good husband).

Ultimately the right thing to do is make sure your children are happy but are you sure your judgement isn't clouded by your situation with your ex? In 10 years time how would your kids feel about your decision if you did move away and they saw much less of their dad?

You can move to wherever you would feel happiest. But you should think how the children would feel being further away from their dad, would it cause contact issues? And would you be willing to do at least half of the drop offs/pick ups?

If you’ve recently separated I would personally let the dust settle a bit before you make a decision.
But if you genuinely have nothing for you in the town (was just there for your ex partners work/family) then maybe compromising and moving halfway closer to your people would be best.
The bottom line is if moving away causes issues for the kids to see their dad then you will have to expect a bit of backlash, and decide if it’s worth it. What sort of arrangement do you have for the kids at the moment?

Part of my reason for wanting to move is also to find better schools. Probably further south I moved up North when i was 13 and I've still got some friends and family down there. I wouldn't have a problem taking kids to see their dad some weekends and they'd be allowed to talk to him whenever they want to.

I would think carefully about it.
Have you agreed access? Are you sure EOW is what is best for everyone (including you too). Moving further away means that you wont have someone else to help with emergencies.

One last thing, it's in everyone's best interest for kids to have a relationship with their father.