Online dating - AIBU or this guy too intense?

[Grobagsforever]

Morning all

Been online dating for nearly a year now on and off, in my mid thirties so fairly clued up about all the oddballs/odd behaviour one comes across!

I'm aware I have a tendency to be unexpressive and pretty reserved (ok very). Chatting to guy who seems lovely and ticks quite a few of my boxes and I have agreed to meet him. What's bugging me is he feels a bit intense. He's told me several times he likes me - but we haven't even met! He has asked a lot of questions about what I want from a relationship and how a man would fit into my life. He says he is a heart on sleeve type. He texts a lot although doesn't do that thing of getting narky when I don't respond. He asked me if the fact he expresses his emotions freely would bug me.

Intense and needy or sweet and open? What's the view MM jury? I'm currently minded to cancel our date but I'm aware that I'm exceptionally reserved and have very high boundaries. Hence I wonder if IABU.
Sigh.

Sounds like he's already decided you're his perfect woman, that's a lot to live up to before you've even met!

Personally I'd cancel as it does sound like you're not feeling it but the other posters do have a point about not knowing til you actually meet and maybe he'll surprise you.

It’s hard to gauge without meeting him. I met someone like this online - v intense before we had even met. As soon as we met and had sex for the first time, he dropped me like a hot potato. It was just an act, hopefully your guy is lovely but it’s impossible to tell before you meet

The thing is with old is that it is all too easy to project what the heart desires far to easily as the recipient is a 'blank screen'. So the texting messaging bit tends to be based in fantasy rather than reality, iyswim.

This is what this man seems to be doing. Often this pedal drooling leads to feet of clay, as it is pretty imposable to meet up to this protected ideal.

Always bear this in mind during the messaging stage before meeting.

projected ideal

stooling leads....

Silly predictive text

I nearly bailed on my first date with now DH for this reason. Married 15 years now!

I met my wife OLD. We talked for a year before we met in person, I was in uni at the time and she lived in my hometown. We talked about family and marriage (in a hypothetical, is this something you would be interested in with the right person) within a week. And I knew within an hour of meeting her in person I would marry her.

Go on the date. You'll either know, or you won't. He sounds like he knows he comes across a little intense and is trying to make sure you're not uncomfortable. That seems like a good sign to me.

Was he more normal in person @GreenItWas ?

It's the good morning texts that bug me...

You see I always liked a good morning text

@BitOutOfPractice yeah, I'm actually probably BU about that. I don't know. Sigh I'm bad at dating- everyone is either too needy or too stupid for me.

Grobags yes he was. It was before OLD really got started and we met through an old fashioned type dating agency that my neighbour persuaded me to join. The men were encouraged to give their phone numbers but the ladies were not. This meant that the ladies had to make the phone calls! He had had a string of duff dates though to be fair to him whereas I had only just joined. I rang him and we had a lot in common and he was very very keen. In real life he was keen and there was a lot of texts especially after I had gone on other dates!!! Once he realised that I like him too though he calmed down a lot. He came for dinner and never went home basically !

Why do the good mornings irritate you? Maybe working that out would help.

P.s. my husband would have come across to many as intense; he is decent, loyal, caring and I'm very blessed having him..,just try, you have nothing to lose and maybe lots to gain,

Because why would you say good morning to someone you've never met @TeacupTattoo ?

@Grobagsforever because that's how many people communicate regardless of how long they've known someone or through what channels. It's called being friendly ffs.

How weird are you?? (rhetorical)

Oh and Good Morning @Grobagsforever!

I say good morning to strangers in the street do maybe I'm odd

He's saying good morning because he wants you to know he's thinking of you and to open a dialogue with you. I don't think that's intense or weird but if you don't like it, you don't like it.

Morning everyone!

No, seriously, if you are both discussing the potential of getting to know each other then surely it's nice to know that person is thinking about you? I say good morning to strangers all the time, walking the dog or nipping to shops, in FB groups too...I truly didn't realise it could be considered odd having not met somebody IRL.
You could try explaining your sense of reserve regarding online-etiquette to give him a chance. I would definitely have fallen foul unintentionally, maybe he is too.

Just go on the date.

And if he's not your cup of tea in future meet up for coffee as a way of screening people out. Saves time, effort and money.

Oh I love a good morning text, also lets me know I'm on their mind
Find it abit of an odd thing to say but that's just who you are

Go on the date! It'll go one way or the other won't it, either way you'll know

@Grobagsforever you do know you started your OP with "morning all" don't you? As far as I know, we've never met so that makes you a weirdo!

Ha. I'm prepared to accept I might be BU about the morning texts. That's why I posted here not in relationships, as I'd probably get told there were red flags for being controlling over there😂.

Yes it's outrageous, how dare he tell you to have a good morning, what if you want to have a bad one?

So, are you going to meet him?

I see good morning messages as a sign of making an effort. If they don't make effort in the run up to the date then I'm not likely to go on the date. However I was slated recently for complaining of lack of effort from so date so 🤷🏼‍♀️