I lost my shit this morning

[Serendipite]

My DH is a very kind, smart guy who is the current sole breadwinner. I have just finished my masters and looking for work. I have always done everything around the house except wash the dishes at night.

This morning, I saw his clothes from yesterday on top of the hamper of clean underwear.

I got so mad. He’s a very intelligent guy who can create complicated softwares but utterly rubbish at anything practical like housework.

He reasoned he put it there because he is going to use to use it again as he didn’t think they were dirty since it’s Winter here.

AIBU?

I honestly have nothing to complain except for this and permutations of this.

FenellaMaxwellsPony Do you realise how sanctimonious and patronising you sound with your Mumsnet cliched “do you normally do this?” post?

@qwertyuiopy ODFOD. do you realise what it’s like to be on the receiving end of behaviour like the OP’s? to ask if this is how things usually are is a perfectly valid point.

FenellaMaxwellsPony What has I or you or anyone being “on the end of” a articulated behaviour got to do with the OP. You are projecting your own situation into the thread.

@FenellaMaxwellsPony

If you read my subsequent posts, I have actually acknowledged that I was unreasonable. Thanks.

Also obviously I don’t normally do this because if I do, then I wouldn’t have posted about it today since it’s a “normal” occurrence.

it is disproportionate for the OP to be so angry about someone putting clothes they plan to put back on in the morning in the wrong place. It doesn’t take “projecting your own situation” to see that. So it is therefore not unreasonable to ask if this is a one off disproportionate reaction or part of a common pattern of behaviour.

FenellaMaxwellsPony That’s why the OP started a thread 🙄.

Seriously, there are times when the smug, insincere, self-righteous “Do you do this often OP?” so prevalent on Mumsnet May be warranted. This thread is not one of them.

The thing is, I could totally understand if you had spent ages cleaning the living room and he came home and trashed it (looking at you DS1 and DS2), but he put some clean clothes on top of some other clean clothes. I can't believe people would get upset about this.

The reaction to the one incident sounds ott. Perhaps not in the wider context? You sound a bit burned out. Are you doing anything to have fun or anything to look forward to?

Get a job, do thingsoutside the house, enjoy your life, losing it because of clothes on the “wrong” pile is disproportionate. Come visit my place to Get proportion. It really really isn’t important, what is your rule the “right” one. He can put clothes where he wants.

I think this has more to do with anxiety/boredom you might be feeling about being at home, rather than anything he did.

My DM was a frigging head case about keeping the house clean when I was growing up. If we so much as left a crumb on the countertop we'd be in shit up to our ears. It had nothing to do with the crumb on the countertop and everything to do with the fact that she was miserable being a SAHM. Once she got a job, everything got better.

I get it, OP. Worn clothes are not placed with clean clothes.

If you have explained this to him and he still does it it means he doesn't care, sees it as your job.

Tell him he has to do his own laundry for a month or however long until he gets it.

I share your pain. Mine unloaded the dishwasher and put the cutlery away all wrong. “My fork in spoon drawer hell.” Bastard.

I don't see the issue really but I realise that everyone is different.

He is not useless at housework he just doesn't think it's his job. Talk between you, get it sorted. Read wifework, get him to read wifework.

I get it.

You spend your time doing housework and making sure everything is tidy and he comes along and just dumps his stuff wherever he fancies. It's frustrating as hell.

I suspect you're also a bit concerned about what will happen when you get a job and housework is split between you.

I agree with PP that it's so trivial I can't imagine ever getting worked up over. Different people have different standards of tidiness too. You might like everything in it's place and he might be fine with a bit of mess. Unless he's acting like a slob and expecting you to run around tidying after him just relax.

I can't imagine living in a house where leaving something in the wrong place once would bring on such a huge reaction.

You have acknowledged you were being unreasonable, which is great, because you really were. The next step would probably be to realise it in the moment next time, not lose your shit (take deep breaths, count to 10, whatever works for you..). Then work on that so that you keep things in perspective when trivial things annoy you - it is exhausting to be that highly strung, for you and everyone else.

As life pans out there will be a lot more stuff, most of which is a lot more challenging and resilience and perspective are really useful skill, especially if you ever have kids!

Now of to keep my shit together as my teen gets ready for school (trust me, that is next level stuff...).

YABU. Pick your fight.