To hate living with my grown up children?

[Mightyfedup]

I have 3 of them at home during uni holidays. Entitled and lazy. Absolutely hate coming home in the evenings. They don't see their father and have summer holiday jobs...

I think you need to put your foot down and come up with a rota, reminding them how lucky they are to still have somewhere to stay in the hols. I remember hating coming home during uni hols, but would never have been rude to my mum or refused to help. If they continue to be unpleasant remember that most uni accommodation half price during summer break so maybe next year they stay in uni town and get a job there? Also agree with changing the WiFi password for compliance purposes!

I think I'd tell them all together that if things didn't change they wouldn't be welcome home for the holidays. That would have a huge impact on them because they'd have to find rent and money for food.

Basically they want to live as though they're with their mates and you are both funding this and getting in their way. It's not on that they should treat you like this.

Were you planning on staying in that house, OP? I would feel the need for a one bedroomed flat somewhere if I were you!

You bought them up, so it is your fault. You can say no. I hated going home at holidays but parents expect it.

Not acceptable at all. They are adults and should be respecting the home they live in. They wouldn't get away with that kind of behaviour if they were staying with flatmates, so why do they think they can while they are living with you?

Are they paying you dig money? That would be the very first thing I'd be doing if you're not already taking this. They won't respect a home that they don't contribute financially too. Also, this is a very important step in transitioning them to the real adult world.

Stop doing housework for them. Seriously. It's as simple as that. If they make a mess, they clean it. Set up a rota for each of them to have turns using the washing machine. They clean dishes as they go. If they leave them on the side, go and put them in their bed.

If you're all sharing a bathroom, each person has to leave it spotless when they leave or they'll simply not be allowed to use it anymore. They can go to the supermarket and use the loo there if they're not capable of cleaning yours. They can shower at a friend's house if they're not able to clean the scum and hair out after themselves at your house.

As for the music, it's not acceptable to inflict noise on other people. They can use head phones or you can all agree together as a family on certain times during the day when they are free to play their music without headphones when it won't inconvenience others.

Sit them all down as a family and write up a cleaning schedule. Agree together who will do what for that week and agree repercussions if they do not do that chore (maybe a three strikes system?).

Seriously though, you don't have to put up with this. It's your home. If they can't appreciate how bloody fortunate they are to be able to come back to the family home each summer and live so cheaply, then they can get 4 weeks' notice to find somewhere else to live.

Doing everything for them and just passively allowing them to continue being disrespectful is not setting them up for real adult life. If this continues, they will move out with limited life skills and experience of being an independent adult. This could potentially impact future relationships, their ability to retain a tenancy, their confidence/self esteem by the time they become parents etc.