...... or just acting like a small child?

[Workingmum34]

So it’s my significant birthday in a couple of weeks. DH had a party for his which I planned, cooked for and invited everyone pretty much. I also bought him a great gift - his words. He is traditionally naff at birthday. They coincide with a busy period at his office so it always takes him by surprise. So I was talked into having a party which he said he would plan it, do cooking etc etc. I ended up doing the invites ages ago as people book up fast. Two weeks to go and nothing had been done - no food sorted no glasses and House is a tip. Now find out he is out night before so looks like I am cooking. Plus to top it off the pressie he was organising (a weekend away) he thinks we should book together aka I should book as he doesn’t know where we should go. Oh and dBs (usually forgetful about gifts) just texted dh to ask which beauty salon he should buy me vouchers for as I surprise. And I now know about as dh showed me text for and ask me what I wanted - there goes that surprise too. Oh and dh suggested we go out on my actual birthday this weekend and has just asked me if I have booked a table for it.

In every other aspect of his life dh is super organised just useless at this. I am cross at myself for expecting he might organise something this time.

Last night I got cross and wrote him a list of 4 jobs that needed doing for the party that he had to sort as it involved his friends. He has just told me in a bit of a rant that he has done everything I asked him too and seems cross I asked him to do a couple of things. Am I just a small child and should stop having a temper tantrum???

In my opinion you are definitely not a child and I'd be really annoyed and frustrated too so you're definitely not alone there!!

Err, no. He's pathetic and should be ashamed of himself.

He is working hard to let you know you are not important. Allow him and expect more of the same. Or put a stop to it now

I was going to sympathise with your DH until you said he is "super organised" with everything else as this shows he is clearly capable.

Perhaps offer the same enthusiasm when it is his birthday and see how well received it is!

He's organised about the things that matter to him and clearly your birthday isn't one of those things

There is two weeks to go, so I wouldn’t have expected the house to be tidy or for glasses to be around yet. Food can be ordered for the night before. I’d do nothing. Let him pull his finger out and get the job done his way (even if it is under pressure or last minute). It seems a bit odd to me that you are giving him a ‘to do’ list if he’s organising the party. My husband would be annoyed if he’d told me he was organising so even and I started telling him how to do it or what to do.

He sounds like the one being a small child. He threw a tantrum because he already did everything that you told him to do for the party he is planning and thinks you should just sort the rest out? You shouldn't have had to tell him anything and his reaction is just pathetic. Presumably he can take this sort of lead and initiative to get things done at work and is not actually 4 years old despite sounding that way from your post. I bet he doesn't treat people at work that way.

He may not have totted it all up like that - what about showing him this thread.

It's my birthday and wedding next week and naff all organised as I said I wasn't sorting it again and he hasn't bothered.
Going out for cocktails with dd one night but nowt with dh. .
Useless fuckers at times!!
In your case I would cancel the party and organise a night out with friends and leave him with the TV remote....

That does sound frustrating in the extreme. Can he not cancel the night out? I would probably put my foot down and insist he books the weekend away himself, organises a meal l out and something nice to do there and keeps it a surprise. Can he cancel the night out the day before? Can he afford a cleaner to spruce up the house if he won't do it?

Doing all the organising all the time is draining and annoying.

God is be pissed off too OP.

First thing is book weekend away. Make it expensive. I fully recommend Le Manoir aux Quat'Saisons

Seems like you know he is crap at organising parties and buying presents but still want him to organise parties and buy presents. No drama, everyone has their strong points, you admitted he's a good bloke all round.

Perhaps he is asking you what you would like as a present and for things for the party so you get what you want and would enjoy rather stuff you would dislike.

What does he think he's done that you asked him to do?

My ex was the same. I just wanted him to plan and organise something for me to show that actually he did love and care for me.... which he didn't . If he doesn't organise the party, then I'd cancel it. I would be too resentful of having to slog my guts out for it, for him to swan about like Lord of the Manor at it.

It's a bit late now, but for next time, don't take over things that he hasn't bothered to do if he said that he will do them. If he asks what you want, just say that you would rather be surprised.

I bet he gets all the credit for organising this party, when he has barely lifted a finger.

Dont organise anything for the party at all. Just watch him squirm when the invited guests arrive. Or he may just surprise you and has oganised the best celebration ever......hmm!